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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am really stuck emotionally right now and need some of your advice please.I have been living with a girl for 5 months as a friend / flatmate, but i really fancied her but never made a move as i was too scared of blowing it. She moved back to her home country 2 months ago and i was devastated and cried my eyes out infront of her at the airport, which was the first idea she had that something was deeper than just friends. A few weeks ago i've told her i am in love with her and her reaction was that she never went there and hadnt thought about us as a couple at all but wants to always keep our friendship no matter what.Now yesterday i told her again that i love her and accept that though i may not be good enough for her, i want the best for her anyway and will be there if ever she needs me. Her response was to say she cant deal with this right now, there is too much going on in her life and what she needs is lightness and peace.What should i do?Every time i speak with her i want to let her know how deeply i feel but it is driving her away. If i back off she may end up with someone else and i will regret that i didnt tell the full truth about how i feel.It may sound ridiculous but it is a real dilema to me - how to behave to give myself the best chance with her?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 May 2006):
 I agree with Martini's answer. Sadly, when you told her about your feelings, she gave you her answer: she doesn't consider you that way.
Furthermore, you've now told her more than once about your feelings. You probably don't have to go into more detail. She'll know how to get in contact with you if she changes her mind. Right now, she's been unambiguous that she only wants your friendship.
Unfortunately, there will always be people in the world whom we love, who don't return the affection. This is one of those cases, and it's pretty clear that she isn't "into you".
Sorry, hon. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that the chemistry isn't there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): I believe you're missing the point here. She isn't interested in you. So you can try your best, but she just doesn't feel it. It's like someone from my past, she sent me letters, cards, plush porcupine with a heart that said "I love you", phoned me, etc, etc, etc and poured her tears and heart out to me, but I told her every time that I was just not interested that way. You know what happened? A few years later, she phoned and blamed me for allowing her to get pregnant with her ex and got dumped, etc, etc. Wow, that was messed up.
I believe your female friend will go with someone else anyway - if you back-off or not. Face the fact and be a man about it.
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