A
female
age
41-50,
*ostinbliss
writes:Ex boyfriend of 10 years (on and off again...long distance relationship...i am 31 and he is 35) came to see me for a couple of days...before he came he said i am the only one who he has ever loved and wants to make it work. He came had a wonderful time...he spent a lot of $ on me. when he was here he discussed our future plans and wanting to take care of me, me moving there and being with each other forever. He went home and after that seemed busy, not a lot of texts and then disappeared for a week (his own unforseen circumstance and he went to vegas). After a week of hell and regret and anger. He texted me I am sorry i am ok how are you. I text back 10 hrs later... call me i want to talk. He called and told me this...he said sorry blah blah and explained himself and then got into i need to come there for my career if anything...he said regardless of if i want to be with him or not he would give me a car, apartment and take care of my needs. I was upset because it seemed like he was like abandoning the idea of us together...which is what i only wanted...not $ or material things. He had to go eat dinner and said he would call back. I texted him an hr later and he said he was in the bathroom and that for me to go to sleep and he would call tomorrow. I was like no...(to me he ...i think he was lying about his where abouts) . I said you finally got a chance to talk to me and you dont...what a slap in the face. All in all i just told him i give up and lost my patience and was sick to death of trying to make us work and to leave me alone...he just said you need to come over here and i am like i dont want your money or help or anything. All in all this situation is confusing...i know that if i went there and was not in a relationship with him but he was helping me my living needs ....it would lead to a trap...its not a no strings attached sort of thing. But also i miss him and love him...did i do the right thing?
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female
reader, lostinbliss +, writes (10 August 2011):
lostinbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear lonl,
i agree with you...i don't know his full agenda or intentions...by saying well we dont even have to be together ...i will support you. He reasoning was that he sees me suffering financially and career wise and knows i worked so hard to get where i am at and wants to be there for me to help me. It seems strange though ... wouldn't he only want to do that for me if we were definitely going to get married etc...maybe he just wants my presence for another reason..sex, companionship or just knowing that someone who cares for him and loves him is nearby ....or maybe he just wants the freedom of being single but has me there when he feels like it...who knows but if his intentions were true then i wouldn't be second guessing them...i have to follow my intuition on this because i really will never know the answer.
i have told him time and time again what i want n need in our relationship and he says he cant fulfill that if i was there...he says he has changed he says he just wants to be with me and that is all he needs...but his actions tell me otherwise...so i think its bs
A
female
reader, lostinbliss +, writes (10 August 2011):
lostinbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the thought reply chickpea... I am just afraid to move there and take a chance because its a risk...i will lose everything i have where i currently live. I dont trust him even though he says time and time again just trust me just this one time. I just rather cut my losses and just move forward. I wish it would be different or he would be like he said he would be towards me...emotionally there for me at least over text and on the phone while we are a part but he couldn't even provide that after the week we saw one another/ after 2 years of not seeing each other bcuz i avoided seeing him...i thought he would be doing everything in his right mind to make it work...just not buying me gifts and giving me an invitation to go there. I just expected him to be so a part of my life and my expectations were let down once again. Oh well...i tried...hopefully one day i will get another chance at love
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (8 August 2011):
 Hi,
Yes, you did the right thing, its not right, rude to disappear for a week without calling you...
Just know that 10 years is a long time. I am sorry that you miss him, I know how you feel, but this relationship will not change unless you do something about it.
Long distance relationships are hard, and it takes a lot of dedication, communication, love, patience, honesty to make it work. Just a sorry after a week is not enough, so you did the right thing, but this cycle won't end, and you know better than anybody.
What's left? This is your life, your future, so do what's best for you. If you think this is who you want, then..
1st option: consider seriously moving to where he's. This is the only way this relationship will work, so you won't miss him, so you won't have to be angry, sad, waiting for his calls. This is unfair to both of you.
2nd option: keep in touch as friends, and find someone where you live that you can start a new relationship.
Its hard to make a decision after 10 years, but its time to think about you, your future, and what's best for you... I know you love this man, but I also know that you are probably tired, and frustrated with this situation. I am sure you want someone to be there for you everyday. Someone that you can actually spend time, whenever you feel like, etc, have meals, watch tv, without having to rush, or have limited time...
Hope you make the right decision for you
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, 1on1 +, writes (8 August 2011):
he wants to be your sponsor with strings attached , tell him what you really want and need and see if he can deliver. If not tell him to move on!
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