A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The guy i like a lot is definitely still in love with his ex. It was obvious, cause it was his status on facebook today. I'm worried about him, cause he gets pretty depressed when he thinks about her. Should i ask him if he is okay? But before you answer that, here's a little history;This guy and i started talking in November. We got close, shared our stories and secrets. Even though we're both shy, we began to trust each other. He always called me when he started getting sad over his ex. But he had made up his mind then that she wasn't worth it. Later, he even told me he liked me. We've met over coffee once and had a nice conversation and everything seemed to be right. Until he started getting busy with work. and since then we hardly text. Since the new year, we only exchange good morning texts and its always me to initiate any conversation. sometimes during the day i have the urge of sending him a simple 'whats up?' but i can't, i'm scared that he may find me too clingy or annoying. I miss him though :( i want to know if its okay to send him a text asking is he's fine regarding his status. what should i do?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 You need to look at this objectively.
1. He always called me when he started getting sad over his ex. But he had made up his mind then that she wasn't worth it.
So he calls you to talk about his ex? If he was interested in YOU, he wouldn't be talking about his ex and using you as his shrink. You may have thought he is confiding in you and sharing his feelings and thoughts, but sadly, he was actually using you to vent about his ex.
2. You went out for coffee ONCE.
That's right, ONCE. Not only is he not interested in asking you out again, but the talking has decreased. Guess he doesn't need a shrink anymore. Maybe being on the coffee date has cemented the idea that he isn't over his ex and he doesn't like you in that way.
If his FB status message says he is still not over his ex, why are you after him? He LOVES his ex. Not you, and he probably never will. Do you know how many women and men get involved with partners that are emotionally hung up on their exes only to get cheated on, or dumped for them? He's not talking to you for a reason. That reason is that he is just not that into you. I know this may sound harsh, but it's the reality. If someone talks to you about his ex, goes on one date and then doesn't even talk to you while posting FB messages about the EX - they're not interested.
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (25 January 2012):
 I absolutely believe that striking up casual conversation is not clingy behavior. Friends do this all the time. It is also very sweet of you to console him when he is going through emotional distress over his ex.My biggest concern for you is that you are going to wind up being this guy's rebound girl. He's obviously still caught up in his feeling for his ex, more so than any feelings he has for you. I would advise that you not date this fellow, at least not until he is well over this other girl.You deserve to be the one he falls for, not the one that he was with to cover up the pain of breaking up with his ex.Much love and Best wishes
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