A
female
age
30-35,
*onder_becki
writes:My long term boyfriend broke up with me on the day I found out I had miscarried our child. He rang me up to find out about the news and was very supportive. I miss him and love him so much and he still wants us to do things together but keeps saying he wants time on his own and to do things. He said to me that maybe one day we can try again but by then it will be to late to rekindle our relationship. I know he still cares and I dont understand why he decided to end our relationship so suddenly for no reason, but the ones I metioned above. How can I make him realise that we are strong enough to work together and work us out. Everything has become so hard after all this and all I want is for us to work things out. What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): He has asked you for some space and the only thing you can do is give it. He needs time to reappraise this situation, what he wants, your relationship, his role as a future father. Most of all he probably needs to get time to himself to grieve and make sense of things. If you push yourself his way you will drive him away further.
I know you probably feel you would like him to support you in your pain, but he needs to be by himself. It is a shame that these two needs are not compatible but he may yet come up trumps. Show him you can give him space it may bring him back towards you. Men go into their cave at times like this unlike we women who start sharing feelings and leaning on each other. He is behaving in a private way and if you chase him inside his private thinking place he will chase you out and treat you like you are attacking him.
It is partly because he is very young and inexperienced in dealing with things like this, as you are. Don't put time pressures on him and use language such as "it will be too late". I just re-met my first love after 30 years appart so it never is too late.
Many thoughts to you for your loss, which many of us understand. There are people around who understand how this feels and perhaps your doctor can help you have access to them.
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