A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met up with my first love for dinner two weeks ago. It was great seeing him again after 15 years. We got on so well.I have children but not married and have not been in an exclusive relationship for a few years and he is still single but is in an on and off relationship.He was really complimentary of me that evening and I feel we both felt some chemistry although nothing happened although I am sure he would have liked there to be.We left it without no further follow up. He kept hinting that he wanted to come round and come on my work trips. I told him I don't like talking on the phone, I rather text or meet up.Its been 2 weeks and no contact from him. Its his birthday in a few days and we were talking about a concert. I was going to ask if he was going and I will tag along.Am I right in not contacting him? I am trying to play hard and not let my feelings run away with me. In the past when I was young and naïve I use to really bombard him with calls and turn up on his door step and demand to see him. I learnt from my mistakes like we all do. I am taking a different approach but it is so hard. I really want to send him little messages but don't think its appropriate at this stage.Any advice welcome. thanks for your time.
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female
reader, KellyBriggs  +, writes (19 July 2015):
 Well, it seems that you need to set a specific strategy to win him. Generally speaking, getting your ex back drills down to:- don't show up as needy. Never! Never invade his personal space (good thing that you already keep that).- don't contact him for a set period of time. You need to distract him and make him wonder what's going on with you.- find an opportunity to "strike" and make your contact count. You need to be witty and charming. Something like "I just listened to XXX song from YYY artist, it reminded me of you. I caught my self smiling."- try to reinforce his positive feelings for you through texting / first contact. His birthday is a great excuse to establish a channel of communication.Be persistent and focused. I've seen it working in the past and I am sure you can work it out now too. For some more tips look around:http://www.datingsaved.com/text-your-ex-back-review/and http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a3164/relationships-and-texting/ can be a good starting point.Hang on there and keep pushing!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 July 2015):
 You told him how you like to keep in contact. Did he tell you how liked to keep in contact?
Why do you not like to talk on the phone?
I would come up with a birthday plan, the day before or after his actual birthday, as in a date plan, call him and ask him out again. Make a reservation at a restaurant you know he would like or plan a walk or whatever it is he likes.
You've had one "date" and as you report, he's in an on and off again relationship, so he may have misrepresented his relationship status just a tad. As in, he has a girlfriend at the moment.
How was it that you reconnected again? Did he reach out to you after 15 years or were you the one making contact?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2015):
 Why not buy a nice card (birthday) and mail it? (if you have his address).
That way the ball is in his court whether he wants to contact or not. And sending a birthday card is NOT clingy or pushy. Not would it come off as "not hard to get", but as a nice and considerate.
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