A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so my ex and I first got together in 2006, we were like high school sweethearts and were together for just over a year, then out of nowhere he drops the bombshell that he doesn't think its working anymore, no real explanation. I've never had another real relationship but he's had quite a few, we've always stayed in touch by text/phone and we've met up, hung out, slept over and occassionally ended up getting drunk and having sex, for the first few years I was always getting mixed messages from him, he said I was 'the perfect person for him' but then a few months later got with another girl and I've always been the one ending up getting hurt. I decided to finally give it a real go at moving on and so I've stayed away as best as I can. Recently over the past year we've not been in contact as much (as he's in another relationship, he's been with the girl over a year now) so we now just occassionally text/phone every month or so, either of us initiating it. Just to see how each other is and sometimes when he's drunk he'll ring me or sends me random messages about things he remembers from our relationship (inside jokes, family things) Except for a few months ago he said this to me on facebook 'I don't want you out my life, honest, I don't, feels like I owe you. Its just the fact that I'm attracted to you and still have feelings for you, I do, I really do. Its just I can't stop them when I'm around you.', and I told him I still loved him and stuff but nothing else has been said about it since then. But yesterday we agreed that I would pop in and see him for abit, it'd been over a year since we last saw each other, and things just seemed different, we still got along and still talked easily but it was just totally friendly, no flirting involved just pure friendly chat and its never really been like that before, he says things are good in his relationship and everythings okay but he just doesn't seem at all enthusiastic about it, and why would he say those things to me a few months ago, I don't know if its because he's trying to keep things private but its unlike how he was with me, and while I was there he even bought up some inside joke stuff about my past that I'd forgotten I'd told him, when I left we exchanged hugs and said 'nice to see you'. I just don't know what to think about the situation, now I'm always going to have feelings for him as he was my first love but I've learnt to deal with them and live with them and I'm content now but I just want to know what all this means.Hope you can help, thank-you x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): Thanks very much for all your advice, I do agree with all of your comments and they have reassured me that it is okay for this to be the way it is now, it was just confusing as I'm a little down recently as im out of work and so have had a lot of time on my hands and its just made me think, I am going to continue moving my life on from him, but I do still feel the need to want to contact him occassionally and see what he's upto, make sure he's okay etc and I still feel that I should be there for him as a friend even though he's not always been a good friend to me, so I think I'm going to keep the occasional contact because I've grown to be able to deal with it.. But I know what you have said in reply is right and I know that if it ever did come to that stage where we did grow close again I know that things would never be the same as they were when we first got together as we were so young then and a lot of things have happened and we've changed since then, and he would have to be the one that made the move to that step though if it did happen as he was the one that broke it off in the first place and I really don't want to get hurt again. I'm also a little worried as I've got a niggling feeling that if it doesn't work out with his current girlfriend and they break up that he will come running to me as he has done in the past, and that's when I've had the mixed messages and will end up doing something stupid, What do you advise I do if this happens?
A
female
reader, Angel S +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Hey,
It seems like you both appreciate your previous relationship and seem to have no regrets. It ws his choice to end it, and you now seem like your ready to move on. It is up to you whether or not you want to keep in frequent contact with him, but I do agree that it has gotton to a point where things are never going to be how they used to be between you two although it seems that you still value each others friendship. You are accepting the fact that you are moving on and please do so, falling for him again may only cause you hurt and none of us wish this.
You have said your content with your feelings about him so this means that you both have moved on and again the decision is yours for whether or not you would like to stay in contact. Hope everything falls into place for you.
Xo xo
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 It means that you were curious how things would go and how he would be after not seeing him for such a long time. After that much time has passed, nothing can really be the same. You are both different people than what you were before, so you may not feel the same things as you did back then. Being attracted and still having feelings for someone is a lot different than still wanting a relationship with you. Also, I don't think it is a good thing when you say "sometimes when he's drunk he says things" or he says he feels like he "owes you". I think perhaps both of you have moved on and that was the right move.
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