A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am living with a man I have known for many years - there has been no spark for a long time, I care for him but don't know why as it is obvious he puts himself first and I often feel bullied. We have terrible rows and he is quite cruel and controlling - I know this as I often keep quiet just to keep the peace. I have tried to leave and even lived on my own for a year - we met up almost like friends (not lovers) at the weekend. Due to a change in work circumstances the security of the situation he offers and that he wants to make a go of it keeps me there and I feel stuck. I wonder if what I had hoped the relationship might once be versus the reality are what are confusing me and I can't let go. When I lived on my own I met a fun guy who allowed me space to be myself and we 'dated' it made me feel like anything was possible and I learnt how to feel good about myself. He was thoughtful and we became close -now I have pushed him away and gone back to the other guy (even though we are sleeping separately) because I feel unable to trust fully and think I don't know him that well so whats the point it'll probably not work too much risk - better the devil you know etc etc. However I now feel like all the good things in my life are gone, I feel demotivated and unable to engage in life and don't understand why I've thrown away a chance like that out of fear. The other guy wants me to be with him and I am stalling him. I hate this whole situation as it would appear to the outside world that I am using two men - however I don't have a physical relationship with either at the moment. I don't know what to do to straighten out my thinking - I've tried but go round in circles. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sxcbabiegal +, writes (19 July 2007):
 if you really feel there is no spark left in your relationship then i think you should let this new person in your life have a chance he may just be mr. right but you never know until you try. however if you still love your partner then maybe try to bring some romance back maybe a candle light dinner or a lovely day out together may rekindle your love for one another.
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