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female
,
anonymous
writes: I met a man a little over a week ago when I was at a club last weekend. I noticed him from across the room and one of my friends went over to him and he came over to our table. We ended up really hitting it off it was amazing and I think at that moment I really thought he could be the one. I’m not typically one who believes this is possible but it was seriously like a movie. I know you should never assume that a person is single so I asked him was he married and he acted very surprised that I asked him. So surprised that he didn’t answer the question and we ended up discussing something else. The guy asked me a ton of questions stuff you would only ask a person who you really took seriously. We kissed, talked and laughed all night and it was the best time I ever had with anybody like that and I gave him my phone number. I realized he hadn’t answered my question so I asked him again about whether he was married. Again he reacted the same way but he later called me to tell me that he was married and that things were going badly and there was no intimacy for almost a year. He asked me did this mean that we could only be friends. My initial reaction was that I didn’t even want to be friends and this is mostly because I just don’t want to get tangled up in a bad situation. I already like him so it is a very risky situation and he was upset that I didn’t even want to continue being friends. He said that all relationships start off as friendships and he also never experienced feelings like this before. Also that he had never cheated. I know how strongly I feel for him and that I want him in my life but I am very afraid of the situation. I have mixed emotions about it and I feel excited and disappointed about the situation. I want him in my life but I don’t. It’s awful and very tormenting. I never ever went out with a married man and I don’t intend to now it’s just that relationships like that don’t happen often. I’m attractive and date a lot and this was a one time experience that I don’t think I should take for granted. I’m not sure what I should do but either way it’s going to be hard. Does anybody have any advice on how I should handle this? I know the rule of thumb would be never get involved with a married person but I feel like I might always regret it if I don’t try being friends with him and see where it goes…
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): I've been in this situation and as hopeful I've had to admit that, as all these posts agree, it will never work with a married man. My married man had even separated from the wife and moved out before I started dating him, he left me after 2 months saying he needed his wife and son in his life. I was broken. Then the next day he came back and so no, he wanted me, he wasn't going to move back in. I said you need to be sure and you need to get divorced, I don't want to be a third party to a marriage. He got the divorce papers.... and never signed them, he moved back in again with his wife and son. I was left feeling like dirt knowing that I'd scarred this marriage, apparently his wife found out that he'd had someone else during the separation and was devastated. She'd spent the two months trying to patch things up and looking after their little boy, and working part-time too. The best advice I can give is stay away. And if you can't do that then at least wait until the divorce has gone through, if it ever does.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2006): Run like hell in the opposite direction and don't ever look back. I have a friend who is unhappily married. She met a man who is in the same predicament. He pursued her for at least 5 months and pleaded with her to be his friend. She enjoyed the attention and eventually gave in to him. During the period his wife moved out (not because of my friend) but because their marriage was essentially over anyway. Everything was fine until a few weeks ago when my friend caught him cheating. He did not expect for her to be out that night, but she passed a certain place where the two of them always went and there he was parked in a dark corner with another woman! My point, if he does it with you (cheating that is) he will soon do it to you! Let him carry his sorry behind and cry somehwere else. Don't be drawn into his soap opera. Let him sort his problems out once and for all and if you are to be together it will pan out that way. You are worth too much to be taken for a ride, he is his wife's problem don't take it on. If he is made to be comfortable in his situation (i.e. having his wife and you) then he has no reason to leave. Hold your head up high and move on. He only wants someone to use. Don't let it be you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): i too met a married man , said he loved me and wanted to be with me, he and his wife had separate bedrooms , just friends .after 4 mnths he finished our relationship , he couldnt leave her and he still wanted me.i said to him we can only be friends while you are still married.it ahs been 3weeks since i heard from him. dont get involed with married men
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006): please please stay away from this man. firstly he has cheated once already with you. how many other times has he never cheated on his poor wife who is probably sat at home thinking the world of her husband. remember you only have his word that the relationship is failing. put yourself in the womans shoes. us women have to stick together and not steel anothers husband its dirty and so wrong. but i think you already know this. back off. if and when he gets devorced tell him to contact you. if its meant to be it will be.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (31 March 2006):
 You say you'll regret not being friends with him and seeing where it goes......you know where its going!
Don't be a fool and get involved, it rarely leads to happiness.
Put yourself in the wife's shoes, they may have thier up's and downs, but he's her husband, does he have kids? Can you imagine how they would feel if you had an affair with thier father, very few men don't get caught out, sometimes with divorce being the outcome.
Please think of the hurt this could cause to others, your single, attractive and seem like a nice person, you will find the right man for you eventually.
If this man wants to destroy his family by getting involved with other women, save your conscience and have no part of it!
Good luck.x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): Well. Another story and it's the same old one.This lovely married man you have kissed and felt close to didn't go home and tell his wife. He lied about his night out and about what happened. If their marriage is in trouble, it's in trouble for both of them. She's sad and lonely too, only she's at home trying to cope and he's out making other women feel special because then he'll feel special too.He's not only lied to his wife he has taken the first step to betraying her. If you have an affair with him that's all it will be and when his wife finds out she'll cry and he'll then say he strayed because he felt unloved and they'll go off for counselling and find a way to repair the damage. It will take years and their marriage will be scarred forever.But.... he won't leave her, you'll only have bits of him and they'll be the leftover bits. He'll call you when he can but you'll be lonely a lot. sad a lot. In the end you'll be alone and wish you had read something which would have told you all this before it got started. Before three people got hurt.......
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (29 March 2006):
 I agree with Tux here. There are some bigger questions here about this guy. It all sounds very suspicious and i think that getting involved with a married man is never the greatest idea because: you could be setting yourself up for a painful existence of sneaking around behind his wife's back, him not being able to really be with you, him most likely sleeping with you and his ex, him not being able to spend large amounts of time together, etc etc
I think leave him alone. He sounds like a cheat and a sleaze and I really think your life would be better off without that. There are plenty of single men or divorced men without having to date guys who are married.
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female
reader, bodylotion +, writes (29 March 2006):
 Stear clear of this man.He his married after all.Also he says he never cheated.Well why does he want to be with you?He his a married man and you would destroy his marrage.Even
though he says it is going bad you shouldn't be the one to cause it go any worse.Keep freinds with this man but don't go any further.He his married and that is that.You will only get the blame for the breakup if his wife finds out about you.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 March 2006):
 You will get tons more pain than joy if you get involved with this cheater. Tell him to look you up after the divorce and not until then. You'll meet the guy who will be willing to be yours and yours alone, get out there and keep looking. Good Luck I'm sure you'll find him.
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male
reader, tux +, writes (29 March 2006):
 I would be cautious.. He's married.. says he has cheated yet he kisses you. I would classify that as cheating. Ask yourself this.. Why is he at a club all alone? let alone talking to girls at the club. Could this be why his marriage is failing? I would problaly tell you not to get involved because you may end up in the situation we always hear about where the girls goes on how much she loves him even though he is married.. and she says he loves her and yet never leaves his wife in the end. Tread carefully.
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female
reader, xlilleth_deathx +, writes (29 March 2006):
I think you should consider being friends with him but dont go any further or you'll be hurt. He'll keep promising he'll leave his wife for you but he won't, most men dont have the courage to do that. Believe me! I've seen my sister been hurt and it took her ages to recover. If i were you, go out with some of your mates and try chatting up some others so it'll give him the hint that you only want to be friends, nothing more.
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