A
male
age
41-50,
*zzrocks1981
writes:I just recently met a great girl and I connect with her like I never have with any other girl and we really really like each other.. but she just recently found out she is pregnant from her ex. it happened about a month ago before she met me. should I say forget it or support her and not let it bother me?
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (11 December 2007):
 If the two of you are in a dating process of the relationship I don't see why you should break it off. You didn't mention anything about long term committment here. There was no mention of either of you being in love. You simply stated that she is pregnant by her ex and you two really like one another. She obviously didn't know about the pregnancy before she got involved with you.
When you look at all questions that were posted I think they should be considered in the approate times. As far as support. Look at where your heart is. Even as a friend a single Mother needs moral support of friends and family. Support doens't always mean money or anything that cost money. Giving time of oneself is often the most helpful at given moments.
In time if you decided that being with this lady forever was what you and she both wanted then you can choose at that moment. Until then be a good friend, a companion, a confidant or what ever you can handle. That choice is solely yours. The lady needs time to think about what she has to do. That will be her decision. If you choose to stand by her thru the pregnancy be sure you both understand to what extent you are willing to be involved.
Raising someone elses child is a big decision but it can be a very rewarding one. I raised two little boys from the ages 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 for many years,they called me Mama and they were and are still my sons. I never treated them different than my own children. I did a biggest part of raising my first grandchild for the first 4 years from birth and we bonded like Mother and child. Now I have two StepGrands that I refer to as my little granddaughters, my son's girls. I love them as well as my own natural ones. You see it is a choice. When you make a choice to be a part of a child's life you must stand by it for the child's sake.
I do hope that you and your lady will be strong enough to decide what is best for your own happiness and keep the life of the child at best interest. God bless you in your thoughts and understanding. I can see you have a loving heart and you care about this lady. Take your time in deciding. Talk it out with her. If you decide to break up remember she be in need of a caring friend. Sometimes the best of friends make it thru anything.
Last thought..As for how long you know someone,one of my older brothers and his wife met and dated about a month. They will be celebrating their 50 Wedding Anniversay this year. Only God has the answers. Pray for his guidence.
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (11 December 2007):
 You barly know this young woman. You have only been with her a few weeks and even though the two of you have a great initial connection, you dont really know each other yet. I think it is way too early to be making a lifetime commitment to someone. How can you say you really want to be with this woman for the next 18 or more years? How can she say that she knows she wants you to be the father figure to her child? And that is not very fair to the child. I think you need to hold back on commitments to be there forever, or pledges of love and support. If you really like this girl, simply say that you would like to continue to get to know her and wont let the pregnancy stand in the way of developing a potential relationship. Hopefully within a few months (and way before the baby arives) the two of you will have a better idea of whether you have a viable relationship and can plan a future together or not. I am sorry, but I really just dont think that after knowing someone for only 2 or 3 weeks you can answer all those very important questions that Richard EMids asks.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Hi buddy - I didn't quite know how to answer this initially. But behind this question there are many serious implications. I can't give you an answer but I can help you think:
How does she feel about you?
Will the ex want her when he knows she's expecting his child?
Will she stick to you because she needs somebody right now?
Are you infatuated or is it love?
Will the ex always be in and out of her life?
What do you really know about her?
Will you being with her prevent the natural father getting back with her?
She will be probably be with somebody.Could it be you?
What do you really mean by "support" ? This covers the range from companion through to financial up to husband?
What else were you planning on doing with your life?
How do you feel about being her partner, while the ex goes with her to the hospital?
Are you thinking you could be the child's Dad?
There are so many questions. You need to think about it carefully. Of course you could be irresponsible and say you'll stick with her, but then bale out when the smell of nappies and baby sick gets to you. She will be very vulnerable at that stage. She may have turned away the child's father because you said you would stick with her and support her. It's very difficult. She has as much thinking to do as you have, if not more. You can help her right now, if you are not selfish, by printing this page off when all the other responses have been posted and giving it to her. It will help her think what she needs to do.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Its up to you if you can see a future with her and can look after her child knowing it isnt yours then go for it.
But if you cant see this going any where and dont want to support her and help raise her child then leave.
It just depends on if you think you can handle another mans child and if you see a future but only you can make the decision but make sure your 100% sure of your decision because living with regrets is one of the worst parts of life
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