A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: Before anyone starts throwing rocks at me pls hold off and hear me out. I fell in love with 2 different women (woman A and woman B). I fell in love with woman A first and boy did I fall hard. The complication was she wanted an open relationship while I didn't but I allowed it because she had me whipped. Then came along woman B. She fell hard for me and I fell hard for her but I kept her out at bay because I was trying to buy time for woman A to come to her senses and decide on committing exclusive to me. Neither woman knew about the other. Woman B was giving me everything that I needed from woman A while woman A was giving what I needed from her to her other man. This went on for about a year and a half. Woman B started placing demands on me as far as wanting more from me. I wouldn't bend to much but just enough to keep her hanging on just in case woman A proved fruitless. Well wouldn't you know, woman B bailed on me when she walked in on me having a cozy romantic dinner with woman A at a local Tai restaurant. It got worse, two days later woman A told me she couldn't see me anymore because she and her other man had bought a condo and would be moving in together the next day. So yeah, I was left out in the cold all by my simple lonesome. Now since this all happened about eleven months ago I've been a basket case because woman B took me back and I've was fallen for her harder than woman A but didn't realize it until she got fed up with my crap and walked away from me for good when she met another man. She's went from a total sweet susan to a dobberman pincher bitch with me because the way I kept going back and forth between her and woman A who kept messing me about with my head even after she moved in with the other man. Now it's doomsday. Woman A is single again and wants me back. I told her I love woman B and there's nothing for her in my heart anymore because it's filled with woman B but fuck woman B is getting married in a year according to a mutual friend. Should I fight for woman B? Woman A is out the picture. I'm trying to get a buddy of mine to date her. Woman B thinks I'm a pig, at least that's what she called me three months ago but I think she is hurt. I won't lie I did hurt her by playing the field but I cut woman A out of the picture and haven't dated anyone because I wanted to start off right with woman B.I want to be the man that woman B deserves and I'm ready to be that man. I'm not seeing woman A anymore. I feel the urgency to fight for her. I can't imagine her never knowing all of this because there's that hope that I still have a chance love her like no man can ever love her. I want to fight for her. Is this selfish of me? I must make her my wife. I love that woman and yes I was a total dick but I've seen the light. I need hope.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): I'm afraid you blew it with Woman B and that's that. Half the trouble may be that she found someone else. The other man's grass etc. What you can not have always being more attractive that that you can have. You just have to forget both women and start afresh. And try to keep thing simple so you don't get into this situation again. One woman at a time.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Okay, I read your post twice, and I think I understand what happened. Woman A completely hurt you by opening the relationship. In order to salve your heart, you quickly found Woman B. That was your first mistake. You hadn't broken it off with Woman A. You should have told A that it was over.
Next, you developed feelings for Woman B. In the meantime, woman A decided to boomerang back around and wanted to claim you again. You went with it without breaking it off with B. Bad bad mistake.
Then you made a worse mistake by keeping both women. Buddy, as you've already found out, there is no hedging of bets in love and relationships, or you wind up with nobody.
Of course if I were Woman B, I would be furious with you. You didn't break things off with A before even thinking about allowing someone else into your life. You jumped right into a rebound. However, you could have made things alright by breaking it off with A and shutting her access to you.
People complicate things that don't need to be complicated. Your indecision and bet hedging have cost you both of them. Woman B is right in leaving you behind and finding a guy who isn't so indecisive.
You should leave them both, get comfortable with being alone, and maybe find a Woman C who you will NOT waver with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Everyone has to pay the ferryman at some point. I'm sorry to say you have seen the light too late. Draw a line under all this, learn some, and treat the next lady properly.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 hi
not gonna throw rocks at you! ;)
woman A wanted someone else, hurt you, and then ended up wanting you back (did she ever tell you why she had this change of heart? is it because she found out about woman B?)
in turn you did exactly the came thing to woman B - you wanted someone else, you hurt B and then you ended up wanting her back (is this because she has got someone else?)
so YOU should understand exactly how B feels now, and just like you are certain you no longer want A; B is certain she no longer wants you.
it sounds to me like you may be subconsciously only allowing yourself to fall for women who are not really available to give you the full relationship. can i ask have you had a bad time with a relationship or marriage in the past (and yes, i am saying this because of your age) whereby you don't really want to get too involved again in case you get hurt again. just a thought.
advice: i think you should accept the consequences of your actions towards B and let her get on with her life with someone that (hopefully) she can trust.
i think A sounds like a manipulator, and if you think anything of your buddy; don't set him up with her or else he will end up in the same situation with her that you were in (dating her but she is more interested in someone else - namely you!)
and i think you should put this all behind you and go find woman 'C' and if a 'D' should come along, either send her on her way, OR at least finish with C first
x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Oh boy, to stuff up so badly at your age! How many times are you expecting woman B to just cop it on the chin that you preferred a woman of loose morals over her?
Most mature aged women are smart enough to know time is limited, you had your chance with woman B and you blew it, now she is PROMISED to marry somebody else and you seem to think she would be the type to renege on that promise.
Uh uh mate, we are talking woman who gave you everything B here, not take everything she wants woman A. Woman B has told you what she thinks of you, you are a pig, so suck it up and accept it like the grown up you should be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): I think the first thing you need to find out is if the guy women B is getting married to is right for her, and how much they love each other. If the guy really is fit for her and they truly love each other..then you need to let her go..if they are just simply going out..then go get her boy. ;)
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Phew, that exhausted me just reading it, so how the hell you went all that time living two lives is mind blowing!Anyway, on a more serious note... You have been a very selfish and silly man haven't you, but you already now that! Oh dear... and do you know what, you have blown it. Woman B was extremely good to take you back, but she has had enough, she doesn't trust you, and there is no return.I suggest you learn from what you have done, and try and think of other peoples feelings in the future and not just your own needs. True love is extremely hard to find, and when you do, you should take good care of it, not use and abuse it.You must move on, you are flogging a dead horse... Woman B is happy now. If you are genuinely sorry for what you have put her through then you will let her go and be happy with her new man. As for Woman A... if she had liked you that much in the first place she would not have been with the other guy at the same time, you are second best.. forget it... forget it all and take time out to learn from all of this!Good luck!
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