A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really looking for some guidance and advice, and I hope there is someone here who can give me some, even just a little.I may have already sealed my fate in this scenario but I am not one to give up, especially when its something that I am passionate about. Here the story...I had noticed my Fiance being distant lately but thought I had been over thinking things as I usually do. But last Thursday she was acting particularly distant while we were hanging out with friends and watching a movie. I drove home afterwards and she took her friends home. When I got home I cracked open just a drink to try and calm myself down and the more I thought about it the more painfully aware of the situation I became and so I started crying. When my Fiance arrived she asked me what was wrong and so I told her how I had been feeling and this made her so uneasy that she ran to the bathroom and started balling. I opened the door and this was the conversation and how she felt. She is miserable because there is no more passion in the relationship whatsoever she said she knows she still loves me but that the butterflies are all gone and she feels numb. She feels miserable because I worry about anything and everything so badly and she knows it that when shes out having fun by herself she is only worrying about what I could think shes doing. So for the past few months shes felt like this and because of my constant worrying and bothering her about what shes doing and where shes at she felt like the entire time she was walking on broken glass and it just took it all out of her. She also feels like she cant live up to my expectations. Shes scared that I will never change and that the relationship will be like this for the rest of our lives. what makes it worse is all her friends and her mom don't believe that things will change. She almost broke up with me that very night but I explained to her that I know what I need to change and address about myself to make her happy and that I know I could change. She has it dead set that people never change no matter what. She also thinks relationships are supposed to be easy and just flow with no problems. Thursday and Friday night she slept on the couch and barely said a word to me the entire time. So we talked again on Saturday morning and I expressed my feelings and again defended my statement about changing things and I'm not sure it got anywhere but I told her we didn't have to fix it that day. I told her I think it would be best to take some time and space for her and that she should go stay with her good friend who also suggested that as well. The odd thing is I made sure to stay out late so I wasn't home when she came home from work as i would expect she would come home and gather her things to go stay with her friend but when I got home she was home and asleep in her bed and when I crept into the bedroom to get my PJ's to sleep on the couch she made it obvious to rustle in her sheets to get my attention but i didn't say anything. This morning I didn't know what to do because I want her to have time and space without me so she can reassess the situation and perhaps even miss me enough to reignite that flame even just a little. I made sure to not ignore her and wish her a happy Easter but then left immediately until she left for work. I realize it may take a few weeks even but why did she come sleep at home...As of right now I haven't posted a single thing on Facebook nor have I engaged in any posts she has put up on hers. I also notice that she is on Facebook about every 5-10 minutes ALL day nearly and I would suspect shes looking for some kind of reaction from me to post on Facebook. I want to basically drop off the face of the earth to her so she can understand what we have is special and that I can change. I am still doing VERY little things that would normally make her happy as to let her know I am still thinking of her and that I care. But what else can anyone add to this situation?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 April 2014):
 I can't really add a whole lot. I actually think you're doing exactly as you should be doing. that's exactly what I would advise for that given situation.
Giving her space to miss you is the most important thing you can do. Keep it up for a little while longer. before you know it, she will be right back in your arms. She just needs to see what she's missing. I don't think she wants to be without you. I think she wants you two to work out. And I think what you're doing is spot on. Give her her space.
Good luck.
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