A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a crush on someone, a coworker. He has a girlfriend. I know I have no chance in hell with him. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my head. I've felt like this about him for the past year, and the feeling is as strong as ever.I masturbate almost every night, and climax thinking about him. I just want my life back, and to forget about him, but so far I can't! I want to be back to normal again. I am a rape victim; I have become very reclusive and quiet, and I feel like I can never experience love like normal people do, I feel like I can never love anyone and be loved in return. So might as well use the next best option i.e. masturbating, right?I'm so tired of it all... Please help?!
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male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Self-pity is one of those things that has to be kept under control. It has to be within reason. Your self-pity is subtle but it is there.
I wish you all the best. But until you start believing in yourself, you're not going to have a life. Rape is a terrible thing. But everyone has had something go wrong in their life. We all have to move on. So, you have to do something to address these self-pity issues.
Nothing wrong with masturbating sometimes. But you have to be honest with yourself...this might not be the guy for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): sorry to say this but you are thinking and acting negatively. you must believe that you have been exposed to a harrowing experience and have come out of it stronger and wiser. you must act as a heroine.you must believe in yourself, you must not give up. go out and live your life to the full.take up a hobby or several hobbies like music,sports,learning new languages,join a club and make lots of friends. diet if you are fat. dress smart, use makeup, change your hairdo, be stylish in everyway and above all work hard and study to have a successful carrier.soon you will put the past behind you and live an exciting life. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 September 2013):
 The trauma you suffered is affecting your ability to live life on your terms. It's true that masturbation is normal and healthy, and fantasies are as well. Many people who haven't been affected by trauma find it difficult to interact with the people they are attracted to, but in your case, it doesn't matter.
Because the rape you suffered in the past is still impeding your life, you need to take a lot of time and have a good regimen of counseling to talk it through and help you heal. What you're dealing with is like a bone that healed without a crutch or surgery. Your heart didn't heal correctly, and now like a guy who walks with a limp or can't grasp an object, you can't grasp loving again. Time to re-set that heart of yours with some targeted and sustaining therapy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (14 September 2013):
 I think you may have focused on this colleague because, not only is he nice, good looking and all that, but he's safe because he's in a relationship you can't do anything about it. If he was available I don't think you'd be fixated like this.
You're body still responds normally to attraction and will have needs but I believe that because you were raped you will struggle to trust someone enough to let them into your life. Hence a fantasy boyfriend.
If you haven't received any counselling for the rape I think it's important that you get some, if you have then it's worth speaking to someone again.
Speak to someone and take your life back. The rapist took something precious from you but don't allow him to rob you of anything else especially a future in a healthy relationship.
You are not a victim my darling you are a survivor.
It will get better, it just takes time.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2013):
 1. Find a hotline and talk to someone about the rape. See a counselor.
2. Masturbation is not a bad thing and even thinking about this fantasy guy (because let's face it the guy you are thinking of a pure fiction he just "looks" like the guy from work.) It is SAFE for you to hold on to the crush/fantasy instead of trying to met a new guy. Perhaps because you aren't ready to date yet.
3. YOU can experience love like everyone else. Having been raped doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness, love and a great partner in life.
4. Do you have friends? Do they know about the rape? If they do, then try and make yourself go out with them, do social things, just stay away from alcohol for now.
5. Don't isolate yourself. Don't be the victim, be the SURVIVOR.
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