A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for about a year and a half now.I was just 17 when i was married to my husband who were 30 years older than i am.We've met in a "Male Order Bride Agency"..i did that because of my familys financial problems and others. I wasn't his first choice, the manager suggested me after the first girl said no. The way they talked they were all looking at my boobs which was small i feel insulted and embarrassed at the same time too.I know that he wants bigger boobs but why not choose someone else? |There are lots in the agency with bigger breasts, but to tell u the truth they are not beautiful as i am.My husband has a son to his first wife which he said to me that their marriage lasts for 10 yrs.He told me that his wife was gambler thats y he decided to divorced her.Their son was mentally retarded i guess maybe its one of those reasons they divorced.9 yrs. after that unsuccesful marriage he decided to get a wife again and thats me.My life with him was pretty stressful since the beginning, maybe because he's a foreign man and obviously we cant communicate well.He can speak English but not well but he said that he could understand me but he just cant voice it out.He was so kind and a loving father but husband im not so sure.I dont know why I fell in love with him that fast. We are so different, but we try to understand each other and accept nd try to learn each others wants,needs and dislike.But im still struggling emotionally everytime he asks me whats the problem i cant tell him 'coz i cant speak it in korean nor if i speak englsh fast he may understand me but maybe he can answer me but just a little and if that happens i will just be more deppressed.Im just so very thnakful 'coz he had helped me and my family very much.He bought a shelter for my family and he helped them start a small business for them to live a good life my friends say i was lucky i found a man like him and they sad that they can see my husband loves me.but i just cant feel it whenever were together hes so reserved quiet he just wants me to study their language so i could learn fast.I feel that he just marry me 'coz he had no choice,and i feel that he just decided to get married for 2nd time just to have a thing at night you know what i mean.To clean his house to serve him from morning till night.Hes not romantic too. when we went to see movies hes so quiet and was so focused on the film as if i was not there with him.Our wedding anniversary came and he doesnt even remember it even though i kept reminding him it really hurts me but he seemed to ignore it.Its relly important for me 'coz his the first man in my life i do had a bf before but it just lasts for a day or two.And the day before my birthday he broke my heart he easily got angry with me for a small reason and after that day he acts like it was nothing and told me that it was my mistake. Even on holiday, he gets really mad at me just over running a litle late. I feel helpless then i cant fight back thats not my style actually thats my problem i dont know how to fight back since i ws a kid im not that scared but i just chosed not to.When im moody and sometimes im angry because of him he is so insensetive how could he say those words without even thinking that it could emotionally hurt me like why do i have small boobie it just makes me lower my self-esteem and self-confident.sometimes i feel im a useless that im just here just to help him lighten his loads.Whenever i got mad he will be mad too he told me not to be mad coz its not good when he tells that to me i want to scream out to his face that i have the right for my anger and i have the right to feel it 'coz i was just a humann,but then again im just quiet.He always wants the upperhand in our relationship i still think that he still loves his first wife i could feel it.I dont know how long i could lasts i just dont know if our marriage will lasts with his attitude like that towards me i just dont know or maybe its me who had a problem maybe im just too sensitive thats why im feeling what im feeling right now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 When you ventured into this mail order brides, you know your fate. You cannot choose how or what you want from your man . You cannot be choosy. You have to accept whatever comes and try to make the best from your marriage to him.
It is not easy to live under those conditions and it is not easy to change those circumstances. You try your best to accommodate and gradually make him a better person through your love and understanding.
Some of those women like you , could not stand the sufferings and ran away .
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 You're not too sensitive. You are in a very difficult situation. You and your husband are different in terms of culture, language, and age (he could perfectly well be your father), but, to boot, you're also different in terms of what each one of you expects from the marriage.
If he went to an agency, it's clear that romantic love is not what he had in mind. I'm afraid you're right: he wanted someone who would be his maid, but also someone he could sleep with at night. Maybe he's good in the sense that he doesn't beat you, or that he's helped your family, but he's not good in the sense that it's like he bought someone for his personal use. I'm afraid that this is how he sees you.
I don't know how you see him, but I don't think you really loved him. You needed someone who would play his role, which is a different thing.
The language is obviously a big problem, as you point out yourself. Now I fully understand why it is called "language barrier" in English. The fact that you can't communicate well means that you two can't come to terms even on simple issues.
I think he didn't really know how things would go with you. This is also a surprise for him. But he's in a position of power: not only is he older and a man, but he's also the one with the money. He's sort of demanding what he thought he would get in this commercial transaction of his.
I wonder if you could divorce him. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere. Even if you spoke his language, there are too many differences between you two, and the relationship started in perhaps the worst of manners.
It would take you some time to get out of this. Listen to me: don't have children with this man. This would be the worst of mistakes. Having a child with him would put you in his hands forever.
My opinion is that you need to divorce this man, the sooner, the better. It isn't working out, and I fear that things could get out of control. You're in a position to be even more abused.
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