A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I married my brother's best friend. We have been married for five years and now have a one year old child. I was the black sheep of the family and in a lot of ways, married him to be accepted. We get along well, as friends. But I don't feel passionate about him. We don't kiss-even when we have sex because i can't bring myself to do it. I miss kissing! When we were dating I met a man that I fell in love with almost immediately. I almost broke up with my husband-to-be for this man but my family talked me out of it. After we had been married for two years I went to see this man and ended up staying a week with him. We didn't have sex but did everything else. My family found out and I cut off contact to make them happy. I am now recently in touch with him again and still love him madly. I really want to be with him and want a divorce. The problem is, no one in my family or husband's family divorces. They beleive that divorce is a sin. If I do divorce, I feel that I will lose my family in the process. I also think that my husband is weak and madly in love with me and won't be able to handle it. I should have left him three years ago before the baby was born but I was trying to work on our marriage. Does anyone else have a family like this? I have no idea what to do-I would almost rather be unhappy and live a lie then lose contact with them.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, divorce, fell in love, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, isabella1987 +, writes (1 October 2009):
Its only you need to decided whatever make you happy.But, I see not fair for your hasband.I don't know how is your relationship is going but,married is big responsible. He married with you (my guess) he loves you so much.Plus he had child with you.I feel bad about that man.If you don't feel like you love him why you married him?? Have you ever take about this with your hasband see if he can choose something for you and himself.May be in good way.And little kid,you just brought that child in this world for 1 year and you think about to break up with his/her father. You really need to think about it. What you want to do or what you have to do?Good luck with everything
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 I think you know that no matter what choice you make, you will leave something behind and regret it, but that is what a decision is. You make it between two perfectly good choices, wanting both.
If what you are asking is what is the RIGHT thing to do, then you probably know that as well. You have a child and you took vows with this man. Your only wrong choice was the reason why you married - but - you DID accept that and married anyways. It's a little late to change horses in mid-stream. The time to have done that was before you married and you should have made your own decision then and not allowed your family to have made it for you, that is what an independent and mature person does - weighs the reasons and opinions of those around them - but makes the decision by themselves in the end.
What you promised to do when you married was to love your husband, forsaking all others and All you are thinking about now is You; and who You love, which isn't what a woman does when she marries.
Love isn't a feeling, it's an act. It's what you do every single day.
Once a woman marries, she puts her husband and his needs before her own because she thinks of him first - that's what you should have been thinking about rather than how it would benefit your status and improve how you appear. Upon reflection, you have got to admit to yourself that you are being pretty self-centred about how you are making your decisions.
Affairs are very far easier than marriage, because they are fantasy. There's no dirty diapers, no bills and no arguments. I'll bet that if you gave up your husband, your child, and your relatives, your handsome prince would eventually wind up becoming a frog.
There's another thing that I'll bet no married woman has ever told you. Just because you get married, you are STILL going to bump in to other men who you are drawn to and have a mutual attraction to. I am 54, and there are still guys who will draw my eye and that I immediately feel compatible with. That's normal. We are married, not dead.
Marriage is a choice, a commitment. There isn't just one person for you, and you shouldn't act on every feeling that you have, in search of the perfect "soulmate" union, because that's a little bit fairy-tale-ish. Some unions are better than others, but that's because they are based on mutual respect and they work on it!!!
I think you need to work on your expectations, your decision-making skills, and your marriage. In the end, like life, you get out of a marriage what you are willing to put into it. There are lots of marriage course, even ones to spark your sex drive. Do some net-searchs and find spa-couples-retreats that you can learn how to help turn your marriage around.
...............................
|
