A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and lately I'm starting to get frustrated with where his priorities seem to be.If I want to do something with him that requires him taking even a day off work he takes forever to get back to me and is generally indecisive about it.If his friends ask him to do something that requires time off or takes a full weekend he accepts without hesitation.I have been trying to plan an out-of-state trip with him for literally months now. I've been laid off (expected) for several months, and was going to use the time to travel. I planned to go solo, as I've done for years before I met him, but he whined enough about wanting to go that I have been waiting until he could go with me to do it.That was supposed to happen the beginning of this month. Then out of the blue his brother called and said he and his girlfriend were "considering" visiting the area--NOT even my boyfriend specifically--during that time frame and my boyfriend basically put our plans on hold to wait for his brother to waffle back and forth about whether he was coming or not. I asked him if he could just get a straight answer from his brother and he kept making excuses for why he hadn't asked yet. (Ultimately, his brother didn't end up coming out after all, and we didn't get to take the trip either, because he waited too long to get an answer from his brother.)I get that family comes first, and I tried not to mind too much, but what really pissed me off was that once some friends of my boyfriend's asked him to go skiing with them on a weekend during that same time frame when his brother might have been visiting, THEN suddenly he was all about finding out one way or the other whether his brother was actually going to come. Literally, he had an answer within 5 or 6 hours of their invite but had previously kept me in limbo for probably two weeks--long enough, like I said, to ruin our plans. (Before anyone thinks this is something I was trying to drag him into doing but that he wasn't really interested in, he is literally STILL insisting that he wants to go with me when I go!)So fast forward to this weekend. We had plans to go to the desert and camp but today he calls me from work (unheard of for him; if I try to get ahold of him at work it's next to impossible) saying one of the same friends wants to go skiing again and he wants to do that instead. I wouldn't care that much but he's ALREADY going on a ski trip with the same people next weekend and I had plans with him before they did. Am I wrong to be mad? I feel like it's kind of rude on his part. His excuse to me was "well, the weather in the desert isn't going to be that good this weekend." (The forecast involves a 50% chance of rain on ONE DAY and has not changed since we made the weekend plans almost a week ago. Since we've been camping in all kinds of crappy weather before I feel like that's a cop-out excuse on his part.)Our relationship hasn't always been like this or I don't think I would've stuck around this long, but lately I feel like he's really taking me for granted. I guess the vibe that I keep getting from him are that MY plans with him are something that can be put on hold indefinitely, but if "the boys" want to go do something, however insignificant, he magically has the time and inclination to do it. He's more than happy to eat the food I cook and is always after me for sex but when it comes to doing other things together it seems like I am only a priority if there's nothing else interesting going on.Tips on how I can feel less resentful about this, or better yet, get back the boyfriend who used to care about doing stuff with ME?
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female
reader, Falcon223 +, writes (17 March 2012):
the quote above is totally right! I am having a similar issue with my boyfriend. what is wrong with men? I am not happy but yet i stay because im afraid maybe the grass isnt greener on the other side? i think we both need to distance ourselves and stop being so available and start living our own lives he says he wants to go with you then set your date give it a few weeks in advance to him this is where i am going this is when and your more than welcome to come along. end of story dont wait on his ok to go! be your own person!
A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 here is a quote a good friend text to me when i was having a similar issue.
"never allow someone to be your priority while allowing urself to be their option"
think about it. if he is treating you like this do you really want to stay in a relationship with him? Go out and find someone who will treat you as you deserve.
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