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female
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anonymous
writes: When all my friends started to get boyfriends, I lied and told them that I had a boyfriend who lived in Scotland. I live in Wales so I'm sure they'll never find out if I don't tell them I made him up. My grandparents live in Scotland, so it was easy for me to say that I met him while I was visiting them, but I feel so guilty for lying to my friends. How can I tell them I was lying to them without losing their trust? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): maybe you can aviod embarassment by just not bringing the topic up to your friends anymore. or you could say that you dumped him and never to talk about it again. if it bothers you a whole lot, you could always admit the truth to your friends. tell them that you did something silly and made up a boyfriend. if you don't treat it as a serious offence, they will likely not see it as one either. next time, to avoid situations like these: be honest.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 December 2005):
hello there,
You obviously lied because you were ashamed of the reality you are living in, you didn't like the truth and didn't want to face it, so to make yourself feel better for some time (as now a mount of guilt has risen) you made something up that if it really did exist you would you would feel happy.
I have to wonder what drove you to feel that you had to cover up that you hadnt had a bf. Was it more the feeling of just being left out? The embarrasment that people might think you are uncool to not have a bf? Or was it more of a way for you to 'live' in the dream that you wanted oh so badly to come true?
Once you figure out exactly the reasons why you did so, from there you can work on the issue. So say if you lied because you felt left out, tell yourself that you can relate to your frineds in other ways, after all a bf is only one thing to relate with them too. if it was due to embarrasment that you dont have one, then tell yourself positive thoughts that you are a great person despite you dont have a bf. You are just as a lvoely person as your friends, if not better. If it was because you wanted to livei n that dream and make it a bit more real and feel the way it does to have a bf, then maybe you just should write those feelings in a diary instead of telling them like you did to your frineds.
So what to do about tellng you friends or not? You seem to really want to tell them, is it due to guilt or fear of being found out and then having to face that?
The guilt will probably stay till you change the situation.
Depending on your friends and what they are like, some may not trust you, but some might be more sympathetic and see that you told them that due to you just felt left out, or for whatever reason. So if you were to tell them make sure you fully explain it. And like someone already mentioned the possibility of you being teased could come about, ocne again depending on the type of people your frineds are.
So from that I think end the situation by saying you both broke up.
Yet thats just my idea, if you wouldnt feel comfortable with that and would like to tel them the truth, then stess the point of how u felt and why you did it.
I hope I have helped. And remember, you can haev fun without a bf in life!
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reader, pops +, writes (10 December 2005):
I can't see any reason why you should have to tell anybody about having lied about a relationship. But, you should learn the lesson that you don't lie to friends if you expect to keep them very long. Lying is a very bad habit to get into, in general, and when you lie to friends, you not only lose the friend you lied to, but all the people that know both of you are warned not to trust you. That is a very deep hole to climb out of, so don't start it. The truth may hurt, but the loss of trust from friends is far worse. Learn the lesson, and keep your mouth shut about this. Just don't do it again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005): I did this once - you know what? They already know. You can't fake being in love with someone.
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (10 December 2005):
 There is no real way to tell someone that you have lied to them without losing their trust. If you decide to tell them, be aware that you are very likely to face some teasing as a result of your lie. The lesson here is that you gained nothing by making up a story about a boyfriend, in the end it may cost you your friends, so next time just stick with the truth even if it means you don't have a lot to say when your friends are giving the scoop on their love lives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005): You're not the first person to do this. Some people make up a guy, others exaggerate the intensity of a date. You're just thinking out loud. They all ready know the truth. How? There is something about a person in love that can't be reproduced. Just let it go, say you broke up, or it didn't work out, and if anyone keeps bringing it up, say "there's nothing new to report there." Believe me, they won't keep asking. Save face, don't tell all.You also need to expand your social circle. This is something you have to do periodically because all friendships change,and even positive change can be stressful. Since it sounds like you want a boyfriend meeting more friends will put you in a better position to meet guys close to home.Good luck!
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