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male
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anonymous
writes: I recently broke up with my soul mate, and went back to my estranged wife and children - after nearly 4 years. Big mistake as I did it for the kids and not for myself. My partner understandably does not want anything to do with me and says the relationship we had is finished. She is too good to lose so I am looking for a solution. I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her But how can I backtrack and save my realtionship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): When I read posting like your, the first thing I thought about is your..children. So a big decision is in order-do you leave your kids..again? The happiness and well-being of your children is at stake-you need to realize that any life altering decision you make, is not 'just' about you, anymore. Other people are consistently getting hurt by your indecisiveness. Your wife, your kids, your partner..take full responsibility for that. As for your partner-I wonder if she is hurt and dealing with the pain of being abandoned by you? She could be wondering if you will keep doing this to her, in the future. Think she'll want to chance the pain and hurt again and again and again?? So what do you do? I would speak to your wife and tell her your thoughts about this third person who is sitting in the middle of your marriage. Then you make a decision from there. You have not mentioned family counseling. I think you owe it to those children to get you and them into family counseling, and if needed, because on the surface, the kids may seem okay with this...but I bet my bottom dollar, they are hurting. What kid wouldn't-when Dad just walks out..again?
There is one other thing you can do to redeem all this mess. Irregardless, if you leave the home or not. You can still be the best father you can possibly be and put your children's needs, above yours. You can begin to set loving example of being everything a father should be..committed, honest, caring, open, loving, responsible, calm, forgiving and understanding. Your children will flourish. And so will you. You can see if your gf will take you back...but have you thought what you would do if she doesn't take you back? You may have to be prepared to think about going it alone. But for goodness sakes, make mature, insightful decisions and stick to it so you don't leave a path of destruction, in your wake and be thankful for the people in your life, like your children who love you and will forgive. You truely are blessed. I wish you well
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Jordan,
Yes a quickie divorce is now on the cards - I should have done it ages ago. Kids now understand that Dads get upset too and this one needs his relationship back. Just hope she will be out there waiting for me when we are able to talk again. This girl is my first love, the love of my life, hence my worries!! x
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female
reader, Jordan +, writes (9 January 2006):
 Okay well i dont knoe wat your going through but ithink i can help if you're married n you love some one else n you're really serius about this other girl then i htink you should file for a divorce and talk to your kids they may be upset for a while but it's better them cry now then hate you later right? well yeah n talk to your girl if you truely love her you should talk to her and tell her how you feel and what's goin on... well i hope i was helpLvoe,Jordan
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