A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 16, I was crazy about this boy in school. For years I dreamed of returning the feelings, and even though we were good friends, I knew he didn't feel the same way... until I had a party and he kissed me. But next thing i know, I ended up in a bathroom, down on my knees and giving him a blow job. I honestly don't know how it even happened, I was just desperate for him to like me! Afterwards, he refused to talk about it, and I was so ashamed. But it taught me some important lessons about respecting myself.Now here's my new problem! I have a wonderful boyfriend that I love deeply, and who loves me just as much. The problem is, he loves when I give him a blow job. But whenever I give him oral sex, it brings up all this shame and resentment I have for myself. I just feel so cheap when it happens. I feel terrible saying no to him, because i love him and want to give him as much happiness as he gives me. But I couldn't bear to tell him the whole story, I feel like putting all that behind me. Thanks for reading all this, but please help! I need advice!
View related questions:
blow-job, cheap, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (12 February 2009):
 I disagree with Dr.John's answer about telling your current boyfriend. This has nothing to do with him and there's nothing he can do about it. So why indulge him that information. What you have to do is forgive yourself.
You made a mistake that all young girls make.The important thing is that you learned from it.
What you have to realize is just because you are giving your boyfriend a BJ it doesn't mean it's a dirty thing.
You associated it with your past guy because the act is the same thing. But understand that the situation is totally different. YOu love your boyfriend now, and you want to make him happy. You are in a loving relationship...whereas you weren't with the other guy and was doing it to get approval and love from him. See the difference.
You are not cheap for giving your boyfriend a bj.
It's a loving act when you love someone. Just tell your boyfriend that you want to take it slow and eventually if you change how you think then you will get over the past and one day might enjoy giving it without having bad thoughts.
A
female
reader, shortstuff4789 +, writes (9 February 2009):
 i know exactly how you feel. i did almost the same thing and my boyfriend likes it too but i felt so miserable when i did it for him cause it made me feel horible. the important thing is to remember that you made a mistake back then but you are with a different person who obiously is not going to make you feel bad for doing it. it has taken me 2 years for me to do it for my boyfreind of almost 3 years. i finally realized i cant live in the past. not to mention dont want to deprive him of that . tell him how you feel about it. and he should be willing to wait for you to be ready
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Tell him how you feel sweetie and all should be right.
...............................
A
female
reader, bsc123171 +, writes (9 February 2009):
We all do crazy things when we are young and we learn from our mistakes. You should just be happy now that you have found the right person and you love each other. Let it go.I dont think your a bad person for doing that. It just taught you a lesson about right and wrong. It ok just enjoy the one your with and think of only pleasing him and your self. You were young and things happen. It may have been for the best because he really wasnt what or who you needed. He is the one who should be ashamed for doing you like that after that happened. Forgive him and forgive your self and you'll do fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Thank you for the advice. I know you are right, I just have to steel myself and tell him.I should have mentioned this before, but one of the main reasons i dont want to tell him is that he is now good friends with the 'blowjob' guy (figures...) We see him a lot when we go out, and id just hate to have that hanging over our heads. I feel like its my burden to carry, and i shouldnt 'spread it around'.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (9 February 2009):
 Sometimes the best thing is to "get it off your chest" as the saying goes. As long as it was before you met your current boyfriend or at least you began a real relationship with him.
Often times we harbor feelings of guilt when we do something that we feel is wrong even if in reality it was not. And if these feelings come up only when you are with your boyfriend then guess what? This is the very person you need to tell it to.
If he cannot handle what you tell him about a previous relationship then he is not the person for you in the first place.
If you have a boyfriend, in most cases you are intent on having them as your life long mate. If you cannot talk over any problem with him/her then the relationship will never be a good match. I hope it works out well for you. Doc
...............................
|
