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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am 24 and around May I found the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I moved in with her after about 3 months of dating. Everything was going great, up until about three weeks ago, when I went out with my friends one night, and I got very drunk and forgot to call her and let her know where I was staying. This made her very upset and I don't blame her. Now she doesn't trust me to do the right thing anymore and that all I do is think of myself, which is not true. I love this girl very much. I even went and looked at rings; that's how commited I am. It was just last year that she lost her dad in Dec. and its been very tough on her, and only going to get harder. I'm trying to give her her space. And I've been very supportive. All I really want to now is how do I get her to give me a second chance, and to gain that trust back. She says she done but I can't give up on her. I love her too much to just give up that easily. Please help. Thank you
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female
reader, not again +, writes (28 October 2005):
you didnt cheat on her, did you? I don't know if that person means unfaithful as in cheating or as in letting her down.
A
female
reader, Just me tth +, writes (28 October 2005):
Oh pleeeease.Losing a parent is a traumatic ordeal but dont use that as an excuse.You got drunk and were unfaithful.Can you guarantee it wont ever happen again?If so then you have to prove that to your girlfriend and stop using the fact that her father passsed away for her upset. You are the one who has put doubts on her trust in you.Prove her otherwise or leave her to find someone who will love her and be faithful to her.
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A
male
reader, LucidCupid +, writes (26 October 2005):
It sounds like she has some 'baggage' from a previous relationship where she was stuffed around alot,perhaps even cheated on.She seems to have some unresolved trust issues.Unfortunately you don't really have any control over her wanting to give you a second chance or her ability to trust you again,that is something only SHE can resolve within herself.Just be there for her,keep up the communication,tell her you love her,and keep being supportive,but also be sure to give her some space.You may have jumped the gun a bit by moving in together so soon,and she may be feeling a bit smothered and could be using your minor indescretion as an excuse to get some short-term distance from you.Only a heart-to-heart will clear up any uncertainties between you,but that can only happen when she's ready.Hang in there,you seem like a sincere guy,things should get better for you.
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A
female
reader, not again +, writes (26 October 2005):
Hi there, losing her Dad is obviously a big thing, and it has probably made her get more worried about things than she used to because she is probably worried that she will lose somthing else she cares about (ie YOU!!), so its good that you realise that she is acting probably out of fear more than anything. But if it is 3 weeks later and if it was a first "offence" for you then I can't see why she can't/ won't forgive. I would sometimes get angry at my boy for not keeping me in the loop, but only cos that was a bad habit of his, and t doesnt sound like you do this often! I do not want to disrespect your girl but she does sound a bit unreasonably out of line. Except for talking to her plainly I dont think there's much you can do to get her to trust you- that has to come from her, but the frustrating thing is that you dont seem to have given her any reason NOT to trust her!! It is a shame that it is 3 weeks later and she still feels like this. I suggest maybe taking her out to a cafe for dinner- nothing flash, just a nice meal, and say that you're sorry that you let her dow, it is not in your nature but you were drunk and of course you a trustworthy. Ask her if she can think of any other time you've let her down. I mean, at the end of the day you havent done such a huge thing, and her mourning for her father aside- if she cant forgive a simple thing like that... then there's gonna be trouble. I wish you all the best with her, hopefully an understanding, honest, compassionate talk will do the trick. xx
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