A
male
age
30-35,
*ockshredder
writes:Hi everyone. It has been almost 5 months since she left me for someone else after a relationship of 3 years when I came to USA forever. Of course like everyday of my relation with her, on my departure day, I again told her that I loved her so much, I will always be hers and gave her the commitment of marrying her really soon. But 10 days after my arrival here, she left broke up with me and 5 days after that, she showed me her picture with her new guy, the guy she used to curse in front of me.My best friend back there told me today that our class had its farewell party yesterday(we were class fellows). He told me that she brought the guitar that I gave her as my sweet memory before coming here. He told me a devastating thing that my ex told everybody in the party that it was HER guitar and it is a pathetic guitar and it is broken and she just brought it for fun (other class fellows don't know that it was my guitar).Now I have multiple questions here.1. Those who dump and ditch the people who loved them with all their heart, did everything in the world for them and got this in return get the same pain by someone else in life? Do they also face the music?2. After what happened with me, I have started to think that it happened to me cause I loved her with all my heart and did a lot for her and this has made me think that I should never do this to the girl who will now come in my life. Am I thinking correct way? What kind of twisted nature does a girl have? She wants a guy to love her deeply like I did or a guy who keeps her at the tip of his shoes?I am the 1st type and I got in return what is haunting my nights everyday.But on other hand, the second kind of guy is classified as a "jerk" by girls.A girl is happy in neither case.So tell me why girls turn down and disrespect a guy who loves her so deeply? What kind of screwed nature is of a woman that she falls for jerks and then calls them jerks and leaves the nicest guys again?Please help me by answering both points. Thanks for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 April 2012):
 I sense that this first girl duped you and tried to make out she was one thing when really she was nothing of the kind.
Your sense of betrayal must be horrible. How nasty and mean, of her. Good thing you now know more about her nasty side. Imagine if you had only found out after ten years together.
It really shakes a person's confidence to find out they were played buy a person who was really nothing like they appeared to be at the start. Life is a learning experience and this girl has really taught you some tough life lessons.
But all girls are NOT like this girl.
I know lots of girls who love being treated with respect and in turn demonstrate their respect for their partner in all their actions. Not that anyone has to be perfect (it is impossible to be perfect all the time) but the average girl is not as mean as this girl you described.
I really have trouble believing in karma. I have seen some appalling people who have nothing bad happen to them.
And I know of people who are kind caring and loving and yet have suffered appallingly.
But yes, sometimes justice does prevail and completely horrible people do get their just desserts. But there is no guarantee in life.
I prefer to believe that the Chaos theory is what the world is all about.
Inevitably it is very likely that she will regret her decision and you will be strong enough to never relent and never take her back after the hurt she has inflicted.
NO, it is not right to inflict pain on the next girl for the pain this earlier nasty girl inflicted on you. Why should the second girl suffer as a result of the sins of the first girl?
You need to sweep the bitterness from your heart. And encourage trust to return. But do not be in a hurry to form a new relationship just yet. Allow yourself to grieve for the loss of the first girl and the loss of your much loved former partner..
There really are plenty of nice girls out there who are looking forward to adoring their guy and love him and be kind to him.
Allow yourself some time to relax. Learn to play better golf. Book a short holiday overseas to somewhere relaxing rather than a flesh-spot.
Start going to places where you will meet nice girls, but places that are not the norm.
For example: volunteer in a place where there are other young volunteers in your age group.
Join a mixed group where people learn about public speaking.
Join a mixed chess club and learn how to play excellent chess.
Try to avoid the sort of places where shallow unkind cruel smart-alec abusive girls think it is OK to humiliate guys.
You need to start meeting a better class of girl and you will never find her while you keep going to the sort of places the first girl prefers (the one you just broke up)
Change your mindset - try to trust that things will be OK - and try forming friendships in a different environment. Go for girls who have lots of other nice girlfriends and girls who never speak to you in abusive ways.
Instead look for girls who are considerate towards others. Who are kind to their Mothers and kind to small animals Girls who are thoughtful towards you.
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