A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Could anyone tell me on whether chatrooms are addictive? Am i being fair to carry on in these if my husband has caught me sending photos of my bits to lads? Its simply nothing but harmless flirting and fun,so I enjoy sex talk. Not only that but when me and my husband have an argument,i will have people to turn to. I have told him i love him,our sex life is ok. So whats wrong with him? I am so fed up of being told what to do. No one ever listens to me. How do i know he`s never cheated on me to? Would i be better to get rid of him for trying to rule my life? He makes things worse by saying i need help and I`m addicted.He first found out almost two years ago,so now i do it on my mobile phone now. I feel that i have to hide things and he`s not being fair. Shall i end our marriage?
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chat room, cheated on me, flirt, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): I was there once. I'm not a dominating person just felt I was loosing my wife. Decided if you can't beat them join them. Never looked back and made many friends.
It is a confidence boost so try and encourage him. There are sites where couples can harmlessly flirt with other couples without the need to actually swing
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Think about how this makes your husband feel...get some friends that aren't online to talk to when you fight with your hubby...This isn't good for his self confidence! If it hurts him then you should stop...are you really going to choose chat room friends over your husband's happiness. Think about your priorities!
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female
reader, maggie777  +, writes (10 August 2010):
This is not a good idea. Sex and your body are private matters. God knows who is picking this up in cyberspace. You are leaving yourself open to abuse. So, close up the computer and get back your self respect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): Yes!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): I cannot see any harm in doing this... I think you need to sit down with him and explain how u feel... tell him u are thinking of letting him go if he doesn't sort him self out..... all the best martin x
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female
reader, fredrecka +, writes (29 August 2009):
get him involved,he will love it when he realises it turns you on
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): Yes chatroom can be addictive, just like gambling can be addictive.
Any search engine will bring up multitude of articles on it.
Check out http://www.netaddiction.com/ and take the “Are you addicted to Cybersex?” test.
Are you being fair to carry on? NO, what is the difference if your husband was playing with the neighbor’s boob. After all it is just harmless flirting according to you. It is not like she is showing him her bits like you are!
What is wrong with him? You are cheating on him and you know it.
You proved it in your question “how do I know he’s not cheated on me too?” as in also like you have.
One article on chatroom addiction says "A lot of people don't consider cybersex cheating," "They rationalize that because it's not physically touching someone, it's not sex. But it does take away emotional and physical components from the primary relationship."
So you hide it from him, most cheaters do hide it from their spouses.
The sadist part is that you try to rationalize it as there being nothing wrong, although you know there is.
So now you want to know if you should leave him because he is telling you not to cheat!
I can’t believe he hasn’t left you yet!
You obviously aren’t mature enough for a serious faithful relationship.
Ask your mom what she thinks.
If you have a problem with that you know the answer!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): A bit shallow aren't we?You are technically cheating, anything secretly done behind his back sexually... which you are doing is cheating...How would you like it if he masturbated for girls online?
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male
reader, Rockettip  +, writes (16 October 2008):
i dont think you would approve if it was he sending the pics and chatting and getting erotic with strangers. i hope the habit will not eat into your love life if it has not alredy done so.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): listen, the question should be about him and u. if u care about being able to be naughty online more... i guess so. But think about it first. What matters most to u? and how much is this going to hurt u? And him? (And are there others involved in the picture?oh.. and if u have kids, then the answer is a definate no!
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female
reader, carolinewirral +, writes (30 August 2008):
 To you and anyone else reading this who is doing it or suffering from it.
I have had doubts about my controlling, nastily aggressive husband of two years for a long time. A very manipulative character who swore undying love for me and who always managed to come up with some excuse. A compulsive liar as well.
After discovering six months ago that he was getting 'silent' text messages he swore he would not have any contact with anybody like that again. I have been through six months of soul searching and doubts, all the while seeing little signs that he was still up to something.
Last weekend I got the proof I needed. He had left a list of passwords in the shed and I got into his msn account and an old email account. It was all there for me to see. The sense of shock, disbelief and betrayal is hard to describe. Of course he tried to lie but I was very quick and very clever and managed to speak to one of the women.
He must have thought I was totally stupid. I contacted her and she gave me so much information that he is now totally stuffed. I have copies of all their dirty talk (him not her), information that he is planning to get together with a young girl at work and after going through his stuff this week I found a lovely naked picture of him.
Have you any idea how totally pathetic this makes you and anybody who does this? My 'husband' has had the World from me. Love, devotion, caring, TRUST, money, possessions, holidays, the lot. This is how the scumbag paid me back. He has left the house and I am buying him out. Me, the kids and my friends have had more fun this week in this house than he ever had in fifteen years living here. And none of our fun has harmed anybody.
Just a warning to anybody who indulges in this type of behaviour. As said already, it is not real. You do not know the people you are chatting to. My 'husband' didn't realise that he was being strung along by the woman who has helped me. He didn't realise how it would come back to bite him, eighteen months to two years after he started talking to her. He told her so much stuff, all of it either lies or incriminating to him and he can't even look me in the eye now. All his family are disgusted and some will never speak to him again. Everybody in the area will know how low he is and eventually his new employer will discover what he is like.
He stands to lose everything. He has certainly lost me. I am glad to be rid of him. I am far too good to spend my life with him, I have higher expectations.
I could go on, but would never end. If you indulge in this pathetic behaviour then you will be caught and you will lose everything and you will have to hang your head in shame when everybody you know finds out. People talk in the real World about real things and this makes very good gossip.
He left a trail all over the internet on different sites. He will be visiting them all now because I hacked into them and changed his details and put our wedding photos on. What may seem harmless to you is not harmless to those around you.
Your husband and all husbands and wives suffering this are better off without you.
Totally pathetic.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Well, i think u should keep the man u love, got married to, and made a huge commintment to. If he is comanding then just inform to to stop, u are the woman in the house and u have to start makin the rules. u realy need to stop the addiction, u married that man and don't let a little chat room get in your way. It seems to me like u are having sex problems...spice up the sex life, look up new moves not new guys, if the sex is ok make it great! take a girls night out and buy yourself some nice lingerie, he whould love it and stop being commanding. I think u got a wonderful husband that loves u and never let that go, u will never see it again. If you need someone to talk to talk 2 your girlfriends not some other guy who just wants to get you in bed and use u 4 sex,. Besides why have online sex when u can do it at home wit the man u love!? If you think he is cheating on you ask him, and if he is u shouldnt do it to him..2wrongs dont make a right... throw that phone and computer away. u don't need it anymore. u got a great husband that loves u and great friends, that will be by yourside, open up to your husband and your friends. If u don't have any friends go out and get some, not using technology. have a wonderful life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I won't give the usual answers that people have said above, like there is something wrong with you....Here's my perspective and it's going to be different from many, but then again it will be similar to many as well.Doing something like the chat room and photos is one thing. Hiding it is another. Have you tried to include him in with you? Perhaps chatting with other couples rather than just guys. It would give a sense of both of you getting something and both of you doing something taboo. Try the webcam thing. There are plenty of places you can go online with a webcam as a couple and have flirtacious fun with others. I would keep it together though. Make it a weekend fun thing, when the two of you are together. My wife and I used to do this. We don't much anymore. Mainly because it doesn't interest her as much anymore. I don't do it alone. I may go look every once in a while, but I don't turn on the cam and I don't chat. As long as the two of you keep it virtual and within the comforts of each other, then play on I say...together that is....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): You need some serious help. Most normal women would want to save there marriage not kill it. I think your husband can do better.He needs someone who will appreciate him. He sounds like a good man. Hopefully you will come to your senses before it's to late.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Are you kidding? If you are seriously considering ending your marriage - leaving your husband and the REAL life you built together for the gratification you get from your computer and chat rooms which by the way is NOT real, can you consider that the problem is NOT with your husband but maybe its YOU. Instead of blaming your husband for his lack of understanding and for NOT agreeing with your behavior, talk to him about what satisfaction you get - what benefit you get from chat rooms, you may find that it may be something that YOU are NOT either getting from him or some other more personal issues that you are NOT dealing with or sastified with or confident enough in yourself to do or ask of yourself or your husband which drives you to the safety of the computer and chat rooms. Another thing to think about, is that right now your behavior may seem harmless to you, but what happens with your harmless behavior grows and takes you of the safety of the computer, to personal one on one phone conversations or even face to face meeting with your online friends?
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female
reader, whatevergirl26  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 just curious and this might get a rise out of a few people and i don't agree with the writer i feel its wrong and i would never do that to my own husband but i just curious on the feeling of this cause ive wondered here it goes: guys look at porn to get aroused they are visual creatures some women (not all and i understand that) are sexualy aroused emotionally so in that instance would it be wrong? just curious what girls and guys think. case ur wondering i only want to be connected with my husband and no one else but porn makes some men wonder what its like to be with that girl is it wrong then for a girl to wonder what it would be like to be with that guy that emotionally arouses her.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 You said it is harmless but the first casualty of your
online tryst is your husband!!!
Losing your husband is harmless!!!
Is that rational thinking?
You are willing to trade in your husband so that you can
continue with your harmless activity on the net.
You have loss your sense of what is right and wrong.
You have become a chat room sex addict .
Better wake up before you lose your husband , home and everything.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): My wife is doing the same thing. I have tried to talk to her about it but to no avail. She continues to do it and thinks I don't know she does. she is wrong of course. It will end our marriage but through no fault of mine. I do everything I can to make her happy but as soon as I turn my back she is back at it. She even tells her sister that I am keeping her in a prison which is not the case I feel like she is cheating on me and betraying me. how can I make her stop?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): I can't believe that you are even asking this question! You must know in your own heart that you are wrong. Yes I think you should end your marriage, your husband deserves much better, have you any idea how much you are hurting him with your lies? I hope that whatever sick pleasures you get from your cyber sex is worth losing a good man who only wants you to traet him how he is treating you. Your internet life is a lie, the men you speak dirty too will no doubt have wives of their own who if they find out will also be deeply hurt. I feel very sorry for your husband, and hope he gets released to find a genuine woman who would not dream of engaging in this sort of behavour, and who would be so grateful to him for not being into internet cyber sex. You should treasure him. People like you deserve to end up with nothing other than their computer, do you think you will be truly happy then? well think fast as it may well be too late then and then where will you be? What is more important this online lie of a life or your real life husband who you should be sharing your life with? It is not fair on him, so if you cannot change then let him go as it is fairer on him longterm. Sorry to be harsh but I cannot believe that so many people care so little for what is under their noses and risk so much for so little. I only wish that I was married to someone with the morals your husband does, I would be very grateful if I was.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): Yes just drump him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): women like u really annoy me!! i caught my husband many a time in chatrooms and on msn. if only u could feel the hurt, betryal and rejection this does to the mans partner. u may argue that they tell u they ain't married or in a relationship, but come on, can u believe what anyone says to u over the net? as for your husband i feel extremly sorry for him. when i was going through what your hubby was i couldn't eat,sleep or concentrate on anything that i was doing. it was constantly on my mind. if i was in work i'd be thinking what is he up 2? i'd go 2 bed and be kept awake by the constant thought that he was trailing some sick website looking for women to dirty talk to and for them to send them pics. oh yes i found a few!! next time you log on just remember how much you are hurting someones feelings. and all u women out there?? be careful of this woman!!
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male
reader, jamey_37 +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Oh my gosh.. The question isn't "what's wrong with him"... It's what's wrong with you??
You are addicted to chatrooms. You're so addicted.. that when you can't have that you do it on your cell phone. Denial and rationalizing are the 2 biggest signs of addiction.. and you've got both of them in what you posted.
You are not being fair to your husband at all.
And think about it... If it were harmless (like you claim it to be) , would you be so defensive about it? How is this harmless when you want to end the marriage because of it?
I just turned 17 not even two months ago... And I'm telling you, you really need to grow up and act your age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Hunny,
I will ask one question, How would you feel if your husband was chatting up strangers and sending them naked photos of himself and receiving naked piccys of other women over the net...You may not be having sex with these men but in his mind you are giving them something that is for his eyes only, And that must hurt very much.
You cannot be happy or I feel this wouldnt be happening and it is cheating in some form. If you dont love him anymore love then talk with him and let him move on to someone who will respect him as I feel showing your body off this way when you are commited to someone is not a nice thing to do at all, You have to decide what is more important to you your chatup lines or your husband... Take care love mandy xxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): You are cheating/betraying your husband. My wife was just like you. Once people become addicted to chatrooms they seem to loose all sense of what is right.
In the end it destroyed us. She no longer chats and hates the internet for what it did to her. She still tells me how stupid she feels now for doing what she did. It is to late for us.
PS If you are sending nude photos of yourself to others look forward to the day when your children find them on the internet.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Hmmmm husband, chatroom, husband,chatroom. Well i know which one i would choose the one where there is a future! I know you dont see it as cheating but to him and most people it is sending pictures and talking about sex to other guys is just what single or cheaters do and yeah your pretty addicted. I would give it up and have fum with your husband before you get hurt.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Can it be addicting? Yes. Are you addicted? Most likely because you've lost sight of your first love -- your husband. And now, like any junkie you are willing to sacrifice something real, for your next high. It's not so much that your husband is controlling your life, it's that you are violating the boundaries within your marriage and somewhat cheating on him. Part of marriage is forsaking all others, and that means you keep your private parts for his eyes only, and your intimate sexual things between the two of you only. If your divorce this wonderful, caring, loving man for the empty thrills you are getting in a chatroom, you will soon discover just how illusive those relationships can be. They are full of people who cheat and lie to get what they want. A quick thrill. Please back up and re-evaluate yourself and your marriage. You may need to seek counseling to put yourself back in control of your life and your marriage. Good luck.
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (5 December 2007):
You are already addicted,my sweet woman and if i met you in a chat room i would give you a lesson that would make you run quickly back to your hubby.Don't ask me what lesson?
What's more important to you,your marraige or da chat room?Imagine if he also started chatting with porn stars and spent less time with you and had less and less sex with you,how would you feel?I really don't know if you forgot what a marraige is all about or you never understood it from the beginning.Spend some time with your hubby.Go away on a holiday together.Hey,why don't you chat and flirt with your hubby? It seems you have sexual fantasies of cheating on him.If you can't manage,tell him you want something more and wana divorce.Follow your heart but bear the consequences.
All the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Harmless flirting? Should you dump your husband because he doesn't like you "showing your bits" to other men online?
Lady, WHERE are your priorities? Why did you marry him in the first place if you were not prepared to give up "harmless flirting" and sex talk with "other lads." Marriage is supposed to mean you trust your husband and care about him just as much as you care about yourself.
Clearly you don't trust him since you raise the question of how do you know he hasn't cheated on you. Asking it reflects on your own disloyalty to HIM, you understand.
Are you addicted? I don't know. But it sounds as if you need to decide whether you want to remain married to him, and try to build a mutually happy, trusting, satisfactory, genuinely loving relationship together, OR get divored so you can pursue the online sex talk to your heart's content - if that is what you really want!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Yes you should dump him. You are addicted,you will probably stay addicted until he leaves you anyway. Better sooner than later. If i caught my bf doing this i would be jealous and pissed,also betrayed.(and so would you). I Think maybe your future partner is somewhere in a chatroom. You have been cheating,and it looks like you dont lay all your eggs in one basket. I hope you are cured and wish your other half future happiness. Let him go.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 This might not be what you want to hear, but this is my opinion.
It seems you prefer the "virtual" flirting and sending pictures to the real deal with your husband. I wonder if this is so because your marriage doesn't work anymore.
Your husband is not a bad man just because he doesn't want pictures of his wife circulating over the internet, or because he resents your flirting with other men, however "virtual". The heart of the matter is that you have a need to flirt with other people. This is what hurts him, rightly so.
In a way, I would say that it could be all right if you ended the marriage. Because, if you think your husband can't have a point here, then the value you give to this marriage is next to zero, and it's best for him to be released. For you, too.
I'm not sure whether chat rooms are addictive, but I'm sure you do have a form of addiction here. Because your using the chat rooms is ruining your marriage.
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