A
female
age
36-40,
*eartless420_1
writes:I'm married to the man of my dreams and have a son who is 3 years old. He recently got back from Iraq and our family was whole again. He had an affair on his lunch break 3 weeks after getting back. I love this man soooo much but he shattered my heart, my world and the future in my eyes! How can we get through this? We are currently seeking counselling and I realise we can't move forward until I forgive him. I have no idea how to do this, I always thought if you had no trust you have no relationship. He almost doesn't even look the same. Help help help please! How can I trust him again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Trust can be gotten back but it takes a lot of work and soul searching. It's also dependent on the forgivingness of the person who was wounded and the degree of sincerity of the trust-breaker. Trust is foundation of all committed, loving relationships. Trust is earned. When trust is broken the trust-breaker has to work hard through their good, trustworthy actions to prove and to re-establish it again. And the person who was hurt, has to set boundries and levels of how they will trust. They do it in baby steps and sometimes it takes time and patience. First you trust to this point, then a bit more, and a bit more until, finally, you will trust completely. I would say, though..if the trust breaker were to keep breaking the trust, there is a limit where one has to just drop them and move on. Some people never learn to be trustworthy. If your bf has done this one time, then both of you stick with the counseling. A good trained therapist will help you learn the skills to be strong, set boundaries, gain his respect, for you and this relationship and he/she will enlighten you on how to begin the task of learning to trusting him once again. Good luck and take care. xx
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