A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 20-year old male that has always had a problem getting any further than friends with girls. I've not lost my virginity and I've had zero sexual contact with anybody ... other than a couple of drunken passionate kisses! However, I'm not just into girls. I'm constantly looking at gay porn, and sometimes feel that I may be fully homosexual, until I find myself attracted to a female again. Anyway ...I found myself falling further and further in love with a work colleague. A male work colleague, a couple of years my junior. He's taken, and definitely NOT gay! But I can't stop thinking about him. Every thought I have is about him. I've cried so much about the fact that I'll never be able to be with him. And it's not just lust. I love being around him, spending time with him. He's funny, adorable, handsome.Thing is, nobody knows that I like guys as well as girls. Nobody but me.The fact that I will never be able to be with this guy is killing me. I can't put into words how much I love and respect him. I've felt suicidal the past few weeks, and my feelings are getting stronger and stronger ... and getting more and more crushed!Please, if there is anyone out there that can give me advice ... give it now! Because this problem isn't going away. I can't just stop loving him, thinking about him. What the hell do I do? Please help me.
View related questions:
crush, drunk, gay porn, lost my virginity, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Well i feel really sorry for you because I have exactly the same problem. I dont consider myself to be gay but over the last year i have been falling more and more in love with my best friend. The thing is he has told me before he could not even consider being gay, but i love being around him and find him to be really close to me especially when we are drunk. Anyway i think the best thing for you to do is just to have a really close friendship with him but just keep telling yourself that you cant love him. Because if you do tell him your friendship may end and that may be worse for you. Hope this helps?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Thanks for taking the time to advise me, aim.
I know the suicidal route is wrong, and it's bad to even speak of it. But this guy is such a good friend, and me having these feelings about him is not fair. But gladly, I'm feeling alot less depressed about the situation now.
It's not going away anytime soon ... or at all!
But, I love the guy. He's a great friend, and he has so many good qualities. I'm not gonna be shy and not tell him about these qualities, except for the fact I think he's absolutely gorgeous. He never needs to know how I feel, and I'm not going to chance ruining my friendship with him by admitting those feelings. However hard that is going to be.
No doubt I'll continue to have bad days, but who doesn't.
Thanks again for the advice, AIM & FAIRY LU!
...............................
A
male
reader, aim  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Hmmm. First of all, you hafta stop being suicidal. I understand how/why you feel that way since i've had those stuff before. I believe it's because you hate yourself for being weak and unable to do what you wish. Again, you just hafta face reality and move on. Moving on does not necessarily mean you hafta forget about him or not talk to him anymore, but more importantly, you hafta know your limits and keep it to yourself...UNLESS you confess to him that you are gay/bi.
Hmmm... sorry, it seems i cant help yah wif the confession part since i also havnt come out of the closet. Haha, im bi btw. It just feels weird to change the normality where i grew.
Second, if you really love this dude, you have 2 choices - shutup bout it and move on, or u really hafta tell him and move on. Since this guy's straight, im sorry to say, but nothing's gonna manifest from your confession. But atleast, you have this load off of your shoulders.
I agree wif Fairy Lu. you hafta go out there and find someone who can and will return your love. :)
Good luck dude. Hope this helped.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Thanks for your advice, Fairy Lu.
I'm doing everything I can to keep my mind off this guy, but it's just not working. I've told a few of my friends now that I have a problem. They have obviously tried to help me, but without me telling them the exact reason for my depression, they can't fully help me.
I fear that they will reject me for being bisexual or gay, or whatever I am. I'm so god-dam confused right now.
I love this guy so much. He's a great friend. I like his girlfriend aswell. She's a realy kind and polite, and beautiful. I'm not attracted to her though.
I feel I need to say something, because otherwise it will be on my mind forever. If I don't say anything, and keep it on my mind, I feel I'll do something extreme. This makes me cry more, because I'd never want to be so cruel to my friends and family by taking my own life.
I'm mixed up. Do you think I should see a therapist/psychologist?
...............................
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 Im sorry that you are feeling this way and your going to hate me for saying this but really you need to stop thinking about him its not going to happen, your still so young and life is way to short to keep your mind on him and love someone who cant love you back, loving someone so deeply and completely who doesnt feel the same isnt good for you and its seems to be destroying you and thats not good for you.You need to meet someone who you can be with whether its male or female, obsessing over a straight guy who isnt intrested isnt fair on you i know you cant just switch your feelings off but when you meet someone new your feelings for this guy will eventually be nothing. Go out get yourself out there get your confidence up i think you have alot of love to give so find someone who trully deserves it.
...............................
|
