A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been happily married for 7 years and with my wife for a grand total of 14 years. I can honestley say that in all that time I have never looked at another woman.Before I met my wife there was another girl that I had strong feelings for and I know she felt the same for me. We never got together because she was dating already, though for a long time we remained good friends until eventually drifting apart.Now 14 years on we have recentley remade contact and all those old fellings have come flooding back. I am really spun round by the way I feel about this girl. I love my wife immensley and she is a wonderful person, but this other girl is a girl that I felt so strongly for and cant forget.I feel this is pushing me into a depression. Most of the time I feel dead inside, I can't eat, sleep or focus on anything. I don't want to leave my wife as I do love her, but at the same time it is not fair that she has to have a husband that feels like I do.I truly can't explain how much this is tearing me up. I am lost and considering things that I would never consider. I hate myself. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): RE:Bugs
As the original writer of this post I can honestly assure you that, in all the time I have spent with my wife, I have NEVER looked at another woman. (Apart from for general day-to-day reasons) I don't need a reality check. I love my wife. Any feelings you have on this subject are yours, just don't assume we all feel the same way as you.
To everyone else.
The feeling passed. I am still in contact with the other woman, but the feelings that I thought I had for her were, in my opinion, other stresses of everyday life.
My wife noticed that I had been down and when she pointed out a problem that we have in our lives these things became apparent.
I don't want to go into the reasons, but to say that it is a large problem that had me feeling lost and trapped would about summise. I think I thought that had I gone with this other person I would be free of this problem. But whilst the latter is true, I honestly feel that it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.
I truly love my wife and I know that all the problems we have pale into comparison to 14 great years together.
Thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): Ok.This is not a rare situation that you are facing.If people who are married say they have never been attracted to anyone or have never been tempted by anyone they are lying buddy!.You overcome the temptation and move on.The main reason for this occurs when you start getting bored with your wife.Find new activities to do together.spice up your life.Take her out on a date.Make it seem like your very first date.I don't think you can ever be just friends with your ex.It just doesn't work that way.Its better to make a clean break.Have you changed looks wise?Have you become fat in the past seven years?Would this ex of yours like you if she knows that you have changed in many ways?where as your wife still seems loving.Wake up buddy!Its an old illusion dating 7 yrs back.you seem to have trouble getting over the illusion.Reality beckons.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): You have to break contact with your old flame, if you don't you will dig yourself a bigger hole and you won't be able to climb out. You may already be at that stage.
You can't have BOTH so chose which one you want.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): I so understand how you feel. I have been married for 16 years and been with my husband for 20 years. One of my ex boyfriends recently got married to someone I know. I should add I was in a longterm relationship with someone else when i met this guy and I did see him for about two weeks behind my then boyfriend's back. I then went away to University where I met my husband. Although i was invited to go to the wedding by the bride of my ex I did not attend. Like you I love and adore my husband and have never been unfaithful to him but i'm so confused. I did not go to the wedding as I knew I still had feelings for this man. I think about him constantly and have even tried to find out where he has recently moved to. I feel depressed, cry and am so confused,it's a terrible way to feel. I keep trying to tell myself that I should be thankful for what I've got and to focus on all the good things in my life at present. I think about leaving my husband and children, but each time I try and remember how I FELT WHEN I FIRST FELL IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND. There must be some real love between you and your wife and hopefully this feeling with this ex will pass as you begin to feel better about yourself. I really hope that you find the strength to reply to this as no-one I've spoken to really understands what is going on with me they think i just have a stupid crush on someone from my past.
...............................
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (1 October 2008):
 Sweetheart
Stop hating yourself and getting depressed not easy but listen, You are going back years, Years ago when you had wonderful feelings for someone and sometimes hunny we never forget how wonderfull another person can make us feel and we get all confused..You love your wife you just have past memory coming back to excite your life..But instead of exciting your life it has depressed and confused you and made you feel pretty worthless...Give it a break talking with your old friend give yourself time to realise there is nothing more to this than old feelings and dreams and realise sweetheart your not a bad person you just need to get this into perspective...You have been married to a wonderfull woman foe 14yrs and you do love her hunny or you wouldnt be feeling so bad..message me is you need a chat gotta go to work now TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE WITH LOVE AND PEACE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
|
