A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, I'm 15 years of age and I'm in year 10, just for your information. Before I mustered the courage to research teacher and student relationships, I had no idea how common it was for a student to fall for a teacher and vice versa. I felt isolated, alone, pathetic and weak, but finding that not only is this type of love common, it is accepted by many as teenagers. I know that a relationship between a teacher and a student is illegal, but I'm astonished and surprised to find so many people having gone through what I've been and are currently going through as well. It has motivated me to seek advice, guidance and support from everyone out there who has fallen in for a teacher of theirs. Just so you know, this isn't 'a little girl loves her teacher' thing, because I believe that the feelings were reciprocated by him. Before I ask for help, I guess I'd better fill you in. About 7 months ago, a pre-service teacher from Canada came and taught my science class as practice before completing his university degree to qualify as a teacher. A reasonably attractive man, 25 years of age, gorgeous eyes and a sexy Canadian accent; his only flaw was: he was an utter dickhead. Everyone hated his arrogant attitude towards us as Australians and his method of teaching was not exactly admirable. Anyhow, after about two lessons of him, my friends and a few other people noticed he was showing interest in me that was more than normal teacher-student behaviour. He'd stare at me for long periods of time, smile at me and stumble and stutter on his words whilst he was trying to teach, as he would be too busy looking longingly at me. I was revolted. To have such a hated man interested in me made me feel extremely humiliated. So as revenge for his unjustifiable self-importance, my friends encouraged me to flirt with him and therefore embarrass him in front of everyone: shallow, yes I know.So I flirted with my science teacher. I asked him for help in an overly flirtatious manner, pretended not to understand concepts and persisted for his attention. He still couldn't keep his eyes off me, and made an absolute idiot of himself as he stumbled and stuttered on his words when trying to teach whilst I looked at him from up, under my eyelashes; battering them and winking at him occasionally. It humiliated him, and it became a rather comical thing for my class and I. Eventually, he began to flirt back. He'd say things like: "You're such a moron, you're so funny, you're so clever." etc, etc, etc. He began overly eager to help me, gave me A+'s which he and I both knew I didn't deserve, continued to stare and smile at me uncontrollably, and stumble on his words whilst he did so. My friends and I laughed at his desperation, until things became serious. His flirting took a turn for the physical, and he began rubbing his chest against my back, wrapping his arm around me, whispering in my ear and deliberately brushing and pushing his body up against mine. He asked me whether I could see him in private a few times but I never went because I was deathly confused about what was happening between me and this teacher. I stopped my flirting, but he didn't stop his, and continued to physically and verbally flirt with me. All of this happened over a period of about 6 weeks, and by the end of it, I found myself unable to get him out of my head. I began having dreams about him, I began to fantasize about him, and before long he became a constant thought. I was confused and knew I shouldn't be feeling this way about him, but I just did, and also knew that it was just time to admit to myself that I'd fallen head over heels for this teacher. Once I'd confessed my love for him to myself, I realised that the term had flown, and that the year's end was fast approaching, meaning I had only one more week left with him before he flew back to Canada. It upset me to know I'd wasted all this time pretending to be into him, when now all I really wanted was more time with him. But I agreed with myself to make up for lost time, and began to flirt with him genuinely and chat with him for real. On our third last lesson together, we spent about an hour talking about his basic life story. It was a nice, friendly chat. After that, he came and stood across from me, and we just gazed longingly into one another's eyes. We fiddled with our watches whilst we looked at each other, and I felt so connected to him. He then told me "I'm gunna try and come back next year." My heart leapt and I was hoping he meant that so we could be together, even though I knew it was one of the biggest rules to breach. The next lesson he didn't show, and that disappointed me greatly, and I had a terrible aching feeling in my chest, like a part of me was gone; ripped out. But on our last lesson together, I walked into the lesson crying my heart out. Partly because I was going to miss him, and partly because a good friend of mine was moving. Panic stricken, he asked whether I was alright, and told me that I didn't have to do the work, and just to relax. When I'd calmed down a bit, he said "So who's this person I've gotta beat up?" I giggled and he laughed, and it was so sweet and kind of him: a lot different from the person I'd first met. It was like he changed for me, and it enthralled me to even think that I'd possibly transformed that arrogant prick into a some charming gentleman. Finally, the time came to say goodbye. I deliberately waited behind after class so that we could speak privately, but his supervisory teacher, my proper science teacher, didn't leave the room. It was frustrating, and it only left me with the option of thanking him and walking out of the room: which hurt a lot. But he called my name as I walked for the door. I spun around, and he told me to have a good night. Is that code for something? Does anyone know what that might mean?! Anyway I didn't question him, I was too upset. I ran out the door, almost in tears. Over the Christmas holidays my feelings for him intensified, and I couldn't get him out of my brain. I looked forward to 2009, when he was coming back, and maybe, just maybe, we could be together. The 2009 school year came around, and he didn't show. I was a mess. For three months I'd held onto him, knowing that this pain I was enduring would be worth him coming back. But he didn't. And I was so upset. He officially broke my heart into a million tiny shards, yet I still loved him with every single broken piece. It is nearly 6 months since I've seen this teacher, and I'm still not over him. I just miss him terribly, and every thought that I have revolves around him. I see Canada everywhere, and it's driving me insane. If a Canadian person speaks I automatically burst into tears and my chest begins to ache unbearably. I miss him! And I know there's no point in holding on, because he's obviously never coming back for me: I was just a fun experiment, nothing more. And it hurts me to know that, it hurts really badly. An overwhelming sense of guilt is also upon me. I feel so guilty for leading him on, provoking and encouraging behaviour that I knew was illegal. And ever since he's left, I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be a straight A student, but my grades are slowly slipping away from me. I used to enjoy socializing, but now it just seems to be a chore. It's like he's purposely made life that much harder for me, and I hate him for it. But I don't hate him, I love him! Ahhhh I'm so confused. I just wanted to know whether anyone has been/is in a similar situation? Please tell me your story, tell me what to do: I'm so confused. Even if you haven't experienced this, an opinion on what you think I should do would be much appreciated, thank you. P.S - Sorry this is so long(I think I'd better also point out that other incidences happened with him and I that I didn't mention, purely because there's about 6 weeks' worth of physical and verbal flirtatious occurrences and situations where I'd have to explain everything in detail, and I think you get the point.) xoxoxoxoxoxo
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, I-like2help  +, writes (28 April 2009):
Hi,
Personally I can't say I'm in the same situation as you exactly but to me it sounds like you need to sit down and think about your feelings for this teacher and be sure of them . It doesn't sound like this guys coming back so you need to busy your self. Hang with your mates , go to parties, meet guys and try to get over your obsession with Canada and maybe if it helps tell someone I know telling your friends you have the hots for your teacher is hard but if it will help do it . I think the best thing for you is to try and not think about him the hardest thing will be trying not to notice things about him in other people . Also talking to someone will help maybe your mum or a female teacher or the school nurse I don't know anyone but you need to sort out exactly what your feeling and find a way to deal with it um if you want to talk more or no some of my experiences with this kinds thing you can e mail me I'd be happy to talk . Hope I help
A
female
reader, justme..x  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 hey :)
i am in a similar situation to you in that i also love my teacher - i was surprised at how common it is too! But reading your question I feel really bad for you 'cause I don't know what I'd do if my teacher moved away!!
Ok, so he might come back. But in the meantime, you have to keep busy. If you are just waiting for him and not going out, you could slip into depression. Go out with friends. Use hobbies and school to distract yourself. Talk to a school councillor or someone you trust - it is better not to bottle this up.
If he DOES come back, and IF you still feel the same and he does too, then I guess something could happen, but don't hold your breath. If he has any sense, he will wait until you graduate and are a legal adult. Don't push it; you could get in trouble.
Good luck! feel free to message me if you want to talk about it anytime ;) xxxx
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A
female
reader, b.rye  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 Many people experience lost loves in their lifetimes; it's a fact of life. Consider seeing a counselor to help you get a better grasp on your feelings so you can begin to sort through them. Once you can understand fully what these feelings are and how they have come to be, you can start approaching them in a more methodical, logical fashion and decide what it is you ought to do about them. This man is not coming back for you (I think that's apparent), so you need to find your way to having closure. Understanding first what it is you are dealing with and the feelings you have, is essential in reaching a conclusion. Once this is done, you will be able to put what is past behind you. It is very difficult to be an adolescent faced with having adult feelings and emotions. Most often it is experience that aids adults in handling situations of this sort, experience that you don't have yet. On the bright side, after you do pull through this and place it in your personal history book, the situations involving the same types of emotions won't be so difficult or taxing as you will, by then, have beneath you the support of experience to carry yourself through it. I want to repeat and emphasize a strong recommendation to seek counseling to help you deal with what's in your mind right now - and it would probably best to find someone other than a school counselor considering the possible implications of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): I liked my teacher and we kissed once but then he moved awayyy. then came bak. the good thing is that i was 19 when he came bak. so i could like b in a relationship with him. I was soo hapy but it turns out that he was engaged. I felt so terrible that i had held on 2 him for a long time.but keep this 2 ur mindTry to let go and live ur life lol. continue socializing, get a BF or someone to get him off of ur mind and sooner or later, r prob gonna 4get bout him lolHOPE I HELPED :D
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