A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have Just made the biggest mistake of my life.After having my first un-planned child at 17 and then a planned one at 19, I have since seperated with my childrens mother as things were just not working. I'm doing my absolute best to do the write thing by my kids and I see them as much as possible. I'm a good dad and always put my kids first. I have since finally found a girl that is willing to take me on with all my baggage. She is amazing, she treats my kids like they are her own and deals with all the hassels of me having kids to another mother. Here's where it goes bad, I don't know why but I cheated on my girl friend of 4 years. It was a one night stand with an 18 year old girl. To cut a long story short, she's pregnant. This is eating me up inside so much i'm sick, I know this is all my doing and I really don't know where to turn. I have spoke to the girl and pleaded that an abortion is the right decision to make. She is an 18 year old who has lost both of her parents to drug overdoses and is now living with family and friends. she has just started uni. I understand I need to tell my partner but it is so hard as it has been so much work just to get to where I am. I Love her and don't wanna looze her. I wish there was something someone could say to change things, I understand thats not gunna happen. I'm just desperite. Don't know what to do with myself
View related questions:
abortion, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (10 April 2011):
What a situation you have got yourself in to. Well I would say, openly asking the girl to get an abortion isn't going to work. If I were you, i would try and show this girl that it is not in your best interests to have the baby in terms of having a future together. Allude to staying with her if she gets an abortion. If she thinks there is a chance of you two staying together if she does, maybe she'll go for one. Once she has had one, you'll then be able to leave her. Do hope things improve for you.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 You know there is a reason why a man can never ask a woman to get an abortion. It isn't just about killing, it isn't just about responsibility. There is a unique bond between a mother and her child that forms. Nobody says not to get an abortion just because some people are 'traditional' or 'old-school beliefs', stop trying to make your case through conveniently formed opinions. As men, we have no right to ask a woman to forsake that bond and destroy the child that could have been. It is a form of torture.
That being said. I am unsure of what to think of this young girl but you cannot assume who she is or what she is truly like. What she says and what she thinks are two different things, especially now that her hormones are all over the place, what with her being pregnant. Stop attempting to run from things, embrace the possibilities instead of looking to assure yourself otherwise. If it is your child, you know have a responsibility towards it, prove that you are any more mature than this girl by stepping up and facing this head on. If it isn't your child, celebrate by being better than this and concentrating on being a better boyfriend.
From what you have said, I doubt it is your child, the doctor's report is proof enough really. There is always room for mistakes though so be wary. Just be prepared.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I now share my own appinion on this. Despite what most people here say, I feel that people are becoming consumed by traditional and old school beliefs.This doesn't change my situation as the law still states that it is her decision entirely.To share a little more detail on my situation. I have told my girlfriend and we are still sorting things out. only time will tell if we make it through these tough times.First I will point out a couple of things, before sleeping with this girl i asked her if she was on the pill and she said yes and that I had nothing to worry about. After sleeping with this 18year old I was no longer swept up in the moment and came to my senses on what had just happened. I did pull out and felt that things were safe as far as pregnancy goes. After comming to terms with what just happened I started to talk to this girl and explain my situation. I went on to say that I had made a mistake and that I was in no position to be bringing any children into this world. she agreed and we went on to talk about contraception and that she should also take a morning after pill to be sure. She agreed and said I will get it first thing in the morning. I also sent her a txt the next day to remind her and she replied now worries and not to worry it was taken care of. Since finding out 3 weeks later she is pregnant, I could hardly believe this was happening. My first thoughts were obviously she made a mistake and needs to have an abortion and assumed she needed money for an abortion. After talking to her she tells me that she can't kill a child and she wants to be a mum, the timming is not right but she wants to be a mum.After talking to her and explaining all of my situation and my apinion and that I feel it is not right for both of us, as she doesn't have a license, the support she needs, a house or anything that is needed to give a child the right start to life, This has made no difference, all it has done is make her discontinue contact with me because she feels that i don't care about her feelings.I have also since found out that when she went to the doctor, the doctor told her she was 5 weeks pregnant and it had only just been 3 weeks since. How acurate can a doctor be at this early stage. The other thing that makes me feel that it is possible that the child is not even mine is that I had previously had sex only 3 to 5 hours prior. Would this dramatically lower the chances of conception? Now my appinion on this is that this isn't right. something needs to be put in place to stop people like this doing things like this. Since finding out that there is another possible father, she wants to wait until she knows who is more likely to be the father. If it's the other guys she is not interested in keeping it. How can that be right?I don't even know this girl, I mean what if its some fat low lifes child and he's got no money, she doesn't want it. But if its mine, she wants to keep it. What is this a game about getting a good looking child or is it a game to get money or what? This is not fair.Now if you ask me there is to many kids out there with out homes and have to grow up being abused and live in poverty. Now it is clear this girl isn't mature enough to make this decision, so why is it like this?I can't say that I'm not to blame, but I can say that in this situation bringing a child into this world under these circumstances is wrong. Even in the best case senario, this girl is not capable of caring for a child. She is more interested in partying and being with her mates.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): First of all you have no right to force/plead/beg/cajole this girl to have an abortion especially given the fact that your main reason for wanting it is to get rid of your dirty secret and not any concern that you are showing about her is secondary. You need to tell your girlfriend whether an abortion is done or not. She has every right to know what her mans been up to so she can make a well informed decision whether to continue with the relationship with all cards on the table. As slick as you think you are, the truth will always come out and she will not only be hurt by the cheating but the lies afterward in an attempt to cover up your misdeeds. Better she hears it now. Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Oh tell your girlfriend, she deserves to know. She was already a saint taking on a man your age with two kids! but another child while you two were together? unless she is pathetic, she go on to find a bagless man. You have no respect for her. I hope she finds happiness.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (3 April 2011):
First of all, stop pleading that she get an abortion. If you must talk to her about it, do so calmly and sensibly. Talk about possibilities, options. It is her decision as to whether or not she will get an abortion, not yours, so leave abortion out of it unless she is willing to discuss it. Talk about how you plan to support the child.Secondly, of course telling your girlfriend is imperative, sit her down, preferably after a meal, tell her what happened first, why you did it, whether or not it would happen again and the steps you are willing to take to ensure you make up to her for this. Then tell her that this young girl is pregnant. She will most likely be heartbroken and most definitely enraged, obviously prepare yourself for an argument if one should come about but do not ever raise your tone. Humility will suit you best when you tell her, accept that you are at fault. I say this because for some reason, some people tend to make attempts at directing fault at their partner. Your girlfriend may or may not leave you, she has already accepted your other children but this is most certainly prodding the relationship to a jagged edge. Step carefully. If she decides she does not want to leave you, you have to do everything in your power to make sure she still feels the same if not more love from you that she did once before.You will end up caught between being a good father for that child and a loving boyfriend. I assure you, it will not be easy at all but you MUST do it. You cannot abandon that child, it is your highest priority. If your girlfriend leaves you, move on but make sure that child is cared for, as well as your other children. Good luck.I hope that helps.
...............................
|
