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anonymous
writes: Hi, before I met my current partner I hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years and never thought I'd meet someone so special. Things are not easy for us, as my partner has a young child. I was aware of this before we got together and totally understand that her child must be her number one priority. She also has a busy, hectic life which means that we rarely get to spend time alone together. Being as my partner has so little time to give, I feel guilty for wanting to spend time with her. I really don't know how to tell her that I'm finding things hard to deal with as I'm sure it will just make her feel bad. I have always assured her that I understand why we can't spend as much time together as other couples but I am finding the situation harder and harder to deal with as time goes on. How can I learn to deal with having a part-time girlfriend? Should I end things? Any advice you could give me would be gratefully recieved, thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2005): Honey, you seem like a really great guy. I wa really touched by this. I unfortunately finished with the absolute love of my life because I didnt think he cared enough about me. I have 2 little boys and a hectic lifestyle and when I met my ex I really believed I had found my soulmate.
After a few years of him being totally underestanding mI became frustrated and saw more of other people that of him. Still he didnt complain.
Unfortunately I mis took that to mean he wansnt that fussy. It was only after I had ended the relationship and we stayed friends that I told him. By then it was 4 months later and he has found a new girlfriend, one who he can spend more time with.
Please Please Please, tell her how you feel, my gut feeling is that she will have mis read the signs and thought that you didnt make demands on her because you were happy with seeing little of her. Communication between people who are clearly in love can get very disjointed, believe me. I know and have missed out on true happiness because of this. Tell her how you feel before its too late
Good Luck
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 March 2005):
 As you feel your partner is special to you, ending it wouldn't be ideal. You need to express to her how you feel at the same time as telling her that you aren't trying to be demanding or you don't want her to feel pressured or bad. This is a bit awkward as you feel it will make her feel bad but you can't carry on feeling like this without saying something to her. She may well have a busy life but to have a relationship does involve committment and that involves spending quality time together as a couple.You may well have been aware that she had a child and a hectic lifestyle before you got involved with her but you didn't want a casual relationship. You need to tell her of this.You reassure her that you understand about not spending as much time together as other couples, so she must be aware that your relationship isn't the same as others. Explain how you love being with her and you can't help but want to spend more time with her.Could she get a sitter for her child? Could you become more involved with whatever she does in terms of her lifestyle?Don't feel guilty for wanting to spend time with her; this is entirely normal when you care for someone a great deal. Surely she would love to spend more time with you? You could both work together to find a solution that would free up more of her time.When you are apart, can you still keep in regular contact by phone, text or email? This may help you a little.Ultimately, you must talk to her without being demanding. Explain you have been having trouble talking to her about it as you don't want her to feel under more pressure.The only way forward is to give her some idea of how you feel.Good luck.
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