A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is 47 and I'm 26. We love each other but with one snag: I'm not sure if I'll want children in the future. At the moment I don't but who knows. We've spoken about this and she seems to talk around the subject. She recently asked me to move in with her and get engaged. I don't feel I can until I know the answer to my questions. Having a child with her isn't an option. She has 2 children aged 21 and 19 and a grandchild aged 1 who I care about. But is this gonna be enough. I can't work it out.
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (1 March 2006):
 You are right in not moving in with her until you have worked through the kids issue.
If you committ to this woman then you are commiting to a life with no children of your own, you are close to her granchild but will this be enough.
I suspect it will not and that you deep down know the answer to your question, it is just how do you tell her that is really worrying you.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 February 2006):
 Moving in with your girlfriend and getting engaged are big steps if you aren't too sure what you really want.
I think you need to reevaluate things a little before rushing into this. Explain to your girlfriend that you do feel a little apprehensive about the future as you aren't too sure what you really want in terms of a family. Let her know what you are thinking and feeling as she is deserving of the truth.
You say she skirts around the issue of children; I think now is the time to seriously talk about it, before even considering getting engaged. Try to discuss what would happen if you did decide you wanted a child, talk about whether your relationship/marriage could survive this, see if there are other ways around the issue. Above all, keep the communication channels open.
Be cautious until you've had this conversation but do let her into your thoughts and hesitation.
Good luck.
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