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I love my husband, but I'm more in love with his friend! What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Forbidden love, Friends, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2006) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 November 2007)
A female , *extress writes:

Im very confused. Ive been married only a year to a great man whom Ive been with for 9 years in total. He has done nothing wrong by me. However, I stupidly had a sexual encounter with a friend of his 2 years ago. I was attracted to him the minute I met him. Yes it was stupid and I did feel guilty. But I could not help but see him whenever possible. We also became such good friends that I can say he is my best friend. I have fallen in love with him and he has also. I want to be with him all of the time and when we are together I dont want to be anywhere else. I love my husband but Im so very much in love with the friend. We both feel bad for what we are doing but can not stand to be appart. What should I do? I have never wanted to cheat. But i cant help it. I want him and him only. And he feels the same. Please help me. Im going crazy. I know its wrong to lie and cheat. Is it best to be leave what I have and be happy or best to stay at home and not be happy?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007):

Are you sure its not just a lustful wish you have for this other man? Are you sure its not just a friendship attraction? After all, you did go on to get married after you had already initiated the affair...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006):

i am also in the same position, but his friend is noe in jail. i am still having the affair, and i knw it needs to stop, but i don't know if i can. please help!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006):

Well it is too late now to turn the clock back and make your marriage work. I feel sorry for your porr husband who as you say has done nothing wrong but will be deeply hurt by all this. Anyway no point in prolonging it you need to seperate form your husband and try it with your new partner. Just try to do it as nicely as possible without hurting anyone's feelings anymore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006):

Well, I'll put aside the usual shame scolding and just get to the point. I say leave the husband, and run away with the 'best friend'. Enough said.

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A female reader, Clarey United Kingdom +, writes (11 April 2006):

Clarey agony auntThis is not an easy situation for you and hard to help because I see a lot of unavoidable pain coming out of it. The only thing that you can do is decide who you want to be with and be with that person only or no-one. The cracks in your marriage plans showed when you slept with your friend before. Things were not right, such a shame you went ahead. There is no point crying over it now, all you can do is make it as right as possible. It seems certain that you are in love with your lover more than your husband. You can try not seeing him for a couple of months. You could go on a break with your husband and see if there is anything to save. However, I think you already know what you are going to do, so just swallow the bitter pill and do what you have to.

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