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female
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anonymous
writes: I constantly wonder if anyone out there has a similar problem to mine?I have been married to a wonderful man for 4 years and together 11. We separated for 4 months a some years ago and when we got back together decided to get married. I love this man very very much and care so much for him. The problem? Intellectually we are so different. Initially, this wasn't such a problem although I now can't think why, i guess we were so wrapped up in each other emotionally that it didn't matter. However, i am now very frustrated and become increasingly angry as we are so different. I am a professional person and have studied hard to achieve what i have, i am not super bright or anything but am an avid conversationalist and enjoy meeting people and conversing on all levels. My husband however is not too intelligent - he is very quiet and lacks confidence and i have spent many years believing if only i could raise his self esteem he would blossom and be able to achieve a great deal more and we would be more equal. Unfortunately i now realise that i cannot help him as he doesn't have the drive and ambition i have but more importantly (and i really hate to say this or even admit it to myself) but he actually isn't intelligent enough to want it anyway. I still love him dearly and would hate to break his heart - and i don't even know if i would be strong enough to go it alone, but feel trapped because we are so different. We have no mutual friends and i find i act one way with him and another with my friends and work colleages. I am so ashamed to say that i would find it embarrassing for some of my colleagues to meet my husband and therefore avoid work dos where partners are invited. I hate myself for feeling this way and posting this has been very difficult but i really need to know if i am completely alone here or not?
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female
reader, Pollergirl  +, writes (3 September 2013):
When I was in high school, I went out with a guy who was beautiful inside and out. After a few weeks, I started to get bored because it became apparent to me that he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. One day I told him that I was learning to play the harmonica and he couldn't remember which instrument that was. That was the final straw and I broke it off with him. I moved out of town and didn't see him again until I was 35. By that time I'd suffered a brain injury that left me with a diminished memory and a difficult time finding the right word when I need it. I bumped into him in a restaurant abd we spent some time catching up. By now we'd both had children if our own and had gone through many life changes. I've aged well, but nothing like hime. He was still GORGEOUS. But much more than that, was the fact that he was still a sweet and loving and positive person on the inside. And not only that, but he had become very successful in his career, where I hadn't made a whole lot of myself. While we were talking, I noticed I made a few mistakes and when he asked me which island in Hawaii I'd been to and I couldn't remember the name of the Big Island, it struck me how the tables had turned. So, what I'm trying to say by giving you this longwinded anecdote about ny own experience, is that I think you should get over yourself. What matters is that you have someone that you love and who loves you back. If he is kind and trustworthy, then you should honor your vows and treat him with the respect he deserves. You had it right when you said you felt terrible for admitting how feel. Spend LESS time feeling embarrassed of him for not being as smart as you and spend MORE time feeling ashamed of yourself for not being as loyal as him. A little humility on your part will go a long way. And if your colleagues actually judge as harshly as you imagine they will, then they are immature assholes and you should be embarrassed to be associating with THEM, not you husband. Also, you wanted to know if you were the only one who felt the way you do? Of course not. I see couples together all the time where it is obvious one is ashamed of the other for any number of reasons, intellect just being one. The thing is, the partner who is feeling embarrassed of the other is almost always the one who looks bad, not the person with the shortcoming. Because when people are insecure, judgmental, arrogant, and rejecting of the ones they are supposed to love, they seem ugly on the inside. If you openly love and accept your man for who exactly who he is, good and bad, you will be a bigger person, a better person, a more attractive perso. To others and you will both be happier. So suck it up and work on making yourself better rather than wishing he was better.
A
female
reader, citadel  +, writes (10 November 2012):
Your first mistake was thinking you could change him.
Your second mistake was trying. Your third was mistaking the value of love vs the value of basic values. This leads everyone down a path of guilt and illusion. Not a place you want to spend much time in. Enough maybe to understand it, but there is never enough time in life to justify or rationalize it.
I'm speaking from experience. The guilt was my first indication that something was amiss. The second was frustration and anger, where I rarely experience these emotions. But I realized that this man had brought a false self image to the table. He was very self righteous, always negative, always quick to criticize other peoples lives. He also did this to me, I spent more time defending myself than actually evaluating him. Which I soon realized was exactly his ploy, to keep me out of his baggage.
But intellectually the gap was a crevice of great breadth and depth. If you did not receive a full education you should pursue one for yourself. But alas, some of us just don't feel the need for continued education. So I accept, but do I? However I thank him for the bigger lesson, that being I am not Mother Teresa, nor Florence Nightingale.
I don't have to be to prove my worth, to which he so pushed me for. I have grown and this is all good, no one is perfect, me I prefer being humble but wise. Yet I no longer feel Humble is serving me. I now embrace my independence which used to be a stain in my family for not settling down with a SO. I no longer feel like the black sheep so much as Zeena. Thought the lesson was tuff I had to search inside for why I invited it. I needed to grow. I did.
Of course there were the good points, but in the end his good points were really not good points. His quiet calmness, a relief from previous relationships, eventually sabotaged any reciprocal conversation. His courtesy to help with anything I asked eventually turned into his favour with his many requests for his own aid, which seemed endless. Sexually it was fantastic and but in the end it made me realize sex was not everything, which was a good thing for me, because I place such a high priority on my "the one" list. Made me realize I need much more in a relationship. But than after realizing that the "mystery" man was hiding a broken past widen my eyes. Though he despises drinking and smoking and drugs, he has been on anti depressants for 2 years for anxiety. He also abuses them taking more than is recommended. He would never take me to his home. OK I am 1/2 OCD, not entirely, but I love a together well decorated place. Eventually I did get to see him in his own abode only to discover he was a hoarder and living in a cluttered messy somewhat grimy home. I was appalled and again after having him ask me if "this glass is clean enough to drink from" felt very disgusted and angry. My biggest personality flaw is denial and I'll also add guilt for feeling better than he. But he did pull so much "I am mightier than you" crap I was able to see through his thin veil of deceit and ended things the next day in person, healthfully, calmly and decisively.
Needless to say he is now stalking me. But I will let that ride out, he's too lazy and too cheap to keep it up for long. I know I'm dissing him but he came off in the beginning so false and me being such a true blue I really had to sit back and think about how and who I allow too readily to trust into my life. A major learning curve for me. The relationship lasted 5 months.
I became his mother, his teacher and his lover, but never a confident or a woman. He ate all my cooking, he used anything he wished at my home, he progressively started to isolate me from friends saying he was more important, he took me away from my hobbies, and ohhh so slowly I can not tell you how I started to change to his favor. We went out 3 times and I shut that down because he only complained about the bill. I could go on but that doesn't help.
Red flags are often hidden behind bright flowery shields.
We are free I set us free, all is as it should be as it was.
Now I take my new found knowledge and apply it to a newer reality. This too is good. all good. No more digressing, no more delusion, guilt, justifying. Just knowledge. I wish him well. And yes, I no longer flinch. LOL.
The best advise is TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE. Honesty will protect you and others. And try to find that honest so it projects with compassion before it projectiles with pots and pans and gives birth to aneurisms of a third kind.
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A
male
reader, Iskander  +, writes (25 September 2012):
It's interesting to read the question and the responses. It just proves that so many people have so many different perspectives on what is proper, what is expected and how one wants to be treated. My wife is embarrassed about several things I do, say or lack to say or do. Just the other day she told me several time during a wedding party that she was embarrassed about my dancing. It's not the first time and as before there then comes a moment that I stop dancing because for me the fun is over. then on the moment when I tell her why I stopped she gets angry that I'm making a big deal out of it and that it is me who has a problem that I should work on.my wife comes from a strong and close family. She's very social and cares what other people think. Me, on the other hand, come from a family of individualists. I like people but I'm more the quiet guy and prefer to observe. So, I kind of understand both parts but when it happens it is really hard to keep ones perspective right. I agree, that the partner shouldn't reflect his or her embarrassment on the other partner. This would mean that the other needs to adjust his/her behavior every time again. And this isn't the direction for a healthy and understanding relationship. My guess is that one should examine thoroughly the reason why one loves the other. Loving someone can have different motives and sometimes this motive isn't agreeing with your own idea about love. Sometimes people are brought together just for the reason of having the opportunity to grow.Living together with someone isn't easy. expectations are the major cause of problems.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): Oh God, this isn't anywhere near how bad my situation is. I have a Masters degree and did some PhD studies. I fell in love and got married. My husband claimed to have gone to university. As time went by, he admitted that he had repeated 3rd grade and dropped out of 9th grade. I noticed he misspelled his own middle name as well as the first name of his ex-wife (of 7 years!). He can never concentrate enough to read something through. He got a parking ticket and thought he was supposed to serve on a jury. The reason - the letter started with "You are summoned..." He just imagined the rest. He also drinks 18-20 beers every day and spends more per month than he makes. When I married I wanted children, but now I see his unique "condition" is apparently genetic. His daughter barely passed 1st grade with the help of ADHD medication and special headphones to help her concentrate. Jesus, I don't know what to say. Yesterday he was trying to convince me that vegetables are a type of meat. He is a complete 100% idiot, but that wasn't very obvious in the beginning. I don't know what to do. I am not getting any younger, I fall in love so rarely, that my chances of starting over are almost zero. I hope my story will make you feel better. Cheers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): I think my wife has the same problem with me. I used to be the "king of the castle", and my wife was a trophy wife. She is still is and more, but I retracted, became very fearful in society, my words don't come out and I no longer shine like before. Maybe I lost my testastorone, or maybe my work isolates me from public that I've forgotten how to be social, it just seems impossible for me to pull myself back. I feel that now my wife is ashamed of me, heck; I'm ashamed of myself.
I can't communicate with her friends, and it seems like we are never invited to anything anymore, it is very sad for me and I hope I can fix it. I don't think my wife can do anything about my condition, but i hope she waits for me to fix this.
No ansewer for your question, but just wanted to share how the other side of the story feels...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): It appears to me that you value your friend's and stranger's opinions over your marriage and your husband's feelings.
If anyone ever tried to convince me that my fiancé was lesser than me in any way I would cut that person off from my life immediately.
Why? Because I value and love who he is more than the outsider's shallow opinion.
There has been several times that my fiancé had defended me to his co-workers and even went as far as threatening them that if they ever talked bad about me again he would kick their ass, and he would.
This is what you do for the person you love, you defend them and respect them to the point where you would sacrifice friendships with those who can be a cancer to your relationship.
By the way, you are not better than anyone else and to say so shows a character defect and a horrible personality.
I feel bad for your husband that he has to deal with a self righteous wife who thinks her shit is ice cream.
Seek help and get some humility in your life and then maybe you will deserve the man that you have.
Until then, HE deserves better and I am all for him leaving you to find that woman who will love him the way he should be loved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): It sounds to me that your own self esteem is the problem. It shouldn't matter that you are "smarter" than he is if the love is there. Sure, it makes things a little frustrating at times but that's marriage for you. If your loyalty, devotion, and respect are there for your husband you'll find common ground--and to hell with anyone else's shallow ideas.If you were sure about your own self image, you wouldn't have to ACT around work colleagues and friends. Let everyone see the married you. You married him for a reason. Be proud and show him off. One of my best friends confessed he thought my husband was a nice guy but somewhat dorky. I said, "yeah, but he's *my* dork. I love him." I didn' t marry him because he was "cool" I liked that he didn't knock himself out *trying* to be cool.In our case, he's the career man and usually the life of the party and I'm the artsy introvert. I feel self concious around his family because, despite my degree, I'm under employed and not a big talker unless I really know a person. He has never given me any reason to believe he isn't proud of his wife and her meager achievements.I'm not trying to insult anyone, but if your character isn't up to that level of acceptance, you should stop hurting your husbands feelings (don't think he's too dumb to notice your attitude towards him) and let him move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): I totally understand what you're going through.I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I constantly think about breaking up.I love him, he's a kind and affectionate man but we can't seem to have one good conversation! It always ends in a dispute or me having to explain every aspect of the subject for him to get it!...the thing is : he has a degree, a good job, great friends but he is always very quiet at parties and diners, everybody love him because he's so nice but it's soooo boring at home!some of my girlfriends tell me to stay with him because he's not a cheater and he has virtues but it gets harder for me to simply imagine marrying him... Everybody needs to have some kind of bond with one's partner, right? I'm so sad because I love him so much, but I'm often ashamed at parties or so frustrated at home when we talk and can't understand each other !I think we should break up, only to see what comes out of it... at least it's the advice I would give to someone in my situationP-S : sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.
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reader, CCandBW  +, writes (30 March 2012):
Dear " A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2006)" Wow!
I love that, in a most comprehensive manner, you have revealed that their unhappiness lies, and will always lie, within themselves. Hopefully, they will somehow find the courage to free their long suffering spouses. Sadly, because they feel their partner isn't on their level, they are prepared to sabotage their relationship with a man that just adores them.
Anyway..again..Well written!
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female
reader, JustAgirl79 +, writes (14 August 2011):
I too know exactly how you feel. I've been married to my husband six 1/2 yrs and we have five children (3 from previous relationship). I have to honestly say this never crossed my mind at 24 when we met, however since then I have grown and matured so much that even a common conversation turns into me explaining every little detail to him and having to sound as little as I can like I'm being Condsending or rude nit is a chore to have a conversation with him beyond silly stuff. He has no real life experience before me except his poor life with his dysfunctional parents. Suffering abuse and neglect makes me feel like he's been damaged beyond repair. I try to get him to go to counseling to seal with his past in hopes he can rise above the things he's suffered through, but he never goes back.
I am working towards pre-med and finishing up my bachelors degree as we speak. The gap grows wider and wider and I fear by the time I'm in medical school we won't have any conversation at all. I want to see him happy because he is a wonderful person and I love him get much. I fear there is someone better suited for him out there that I may be holding him back from meeting. Idk what to do in this loophole I'm stuck in, but I just pray to God he directs me becUse I won't make a decision until I'm sure. My babies are involved and they matter more thang complete satisfaction in my marriage does. Giving them stability is the most important thing. I always give him the opportunity to leave for this reason, and he always chooses to stay and try harder. Chances are, I will never truly be satisfied with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Oh wow, I can totally understand your situation. Mine is maybe a bit different as we are not married, but I am facing the same "problem" with my boyfriend. He is the dearest and sweetest man I know and he would do everything for me. But at some level I just don't feel satisfied. We have completely different circles of friends as I don't find his friends "stimulating" enough and he can't keep up with mine. As horrible as it sounds I often feel embarrassed to invite him along as I know that people who I hang out with will judge him as he might appear too slow for them.
We have been together for 2 years, and I find your post eye-opening. I hoped that the gap would diminish with time, but I might just have been fooling myself. I love him very much and he treats me amazingly well, but I just can't see myself spending the rest of my life with him because of this. Also, I keep thinking about what impact this could have on mutual kids.
This was posted in 2006 so I wonder if you stayed with him and if you managed to find a solution that made you feel better about this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I truly feel for you as I am going through the same thing. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and I have always carried the weight financially as well as everything else because of my husband's lack of intelligence. Every letter that needs to be sent, every bill that gets paid, even his legal issues with his other child by a previous marriage, I have to take care of. I have to draft the petitions, appeals, etc. But due to an injury, I can no longer work. I have begged him to get a better job even before I went out of work. I have given him ultimatums, but nothing has worked. Now my son is having health issues, but due to my husband's crappy job, his health insurance at work is basically worthless. I feel like I am being left no choice but to tell him goodbye. At least on my own, my income would be low enough for me to qualify for my son to get health benefits. I can't talk to my husband anymore because he gets so defensive. On top of all this, he won't even spend quality time with our son. Again, when I mention it, he gets defensive and literally tells me, "if I have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." I'm at my wits end. I love him, but his lack of ambition and intelligence is getting to be more than I can bear and I have to look out for my son's best interest. What do I do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): So sad that so many of us are in the same boat. I, as the original poster, felt that this person could grow, blossom and flourish with me - however he has remained stagnant.
It's gotten to the point when I avoid even telling him anything, as it turns into an 'explanation' of anything. He just "doesn't get it". It's more of a chore to have a conversation with him, as it generally turns into me teaching him. I want someone to talk to, on my level - not teach.
And yes - as another poster mentioned - I've become nervous for him to even open his mouth in public.
I've been with him for 10 years, and in those 10 years I feel I continue to grow and learn - and in the mean time, he's left clueless and in the dust.
I wish I had an answer for you, however I'm trying to find an answer for myself.
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female
reader, anafets  +, writes (21 April 2010):
i understand what you are feeling and you're not alone. i am in the same situation and i know it can be soooo frustrating and i feel trapped and depressed when i think about it or when i am confronted with the situation. also, we have a 8 month old son and unfortunately i am a stay at home mum, which contributes more to the bad situation as i feel useles just sitting around all day with the baby. we don't have that much money and we can't afford to pay for a babysitter so i can go back to work and there aren't that many job oportunities here in london for me.i often think what my future is gonna be with a man with whom i can't have an intelligent conversation about books or other 'deeper'topics. he is a very nice man, kind and considerate only i feel i am wasting away intellectually and probably i will end up having an affair. i won't make it on my own if i leave him (having the baby and all) so at this point i can only hope things will change, maybe i will accept the situation... it's hard anyway..how is your situation now? any changes?i wish you all the best
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): I know exactly the way you feel I am in the same dilema . My husband is beautiful and really trustworthy but he is not the brightest in the block Sometimes I wonder how he makes it out there.I have felt really trapped in this realtionship cause we have a son and he loves his dad. He also embarrasses me so we don't do anything cause it makes me nervous when he opens his mouth.
We just made a mistake is time for both of us to move on.
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female
reader, Sahel  +, writes (5 August 2009):
Dear All,I exactly have the same problem and feel it with every bit of my heart. my husband is helpful kind and considerate but is not as intelligent and sociable as I am. I need to make sure if he said hello to every one when entered a relatives house or I get shy when he makes a silly comment having no idea what's going on in the country or the world. I need to explain to him about the funny tricks in a teather play otheerwise he wont get it. I worry when I sit beside him driving as he is not a good driver and loses his confidence and temper easily. No possibility to have an intellectual talk at home with each other, while I used to have it with my brother and father. I feel less happy and long for my singlehood very often.It's a year we are married and every week I ask myself was it right to choose this person or I deserved more?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): stumbled upon your question accidently i m a male from south asia and the girl i wanted to marry has left me for some very personal problems she may be is like you too much in love with me a career oriented self made person and i admire her qualities the kind of person who bounce back in any type of situation but sadly truly i may be more the kind of your husband ambitionless and short of confidence just a plain low profile person after reading your problem it has occurred to me may be i would have been the same to her may be god has saved from a more teribble life my prayers and wishes for her the point is some people are like this i try to change have very little education cant understand simple things at times am the sort who just can follow orders and every woman wants to be known by her husband and there are many who are like this i cant help you in any way just the thought what damage i could have caused to her mentally being in love is diffrent and reality living toghether is diffrent not all are equal thats why few are boss rest are workers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I am feeling my hubby is embarrassed of me. He owns a construction company with his father a 30 year old company very successful about a million year but taxes and all that ends up being around 700,000 bucks a year every year in the company bank. my hussband has a seperate account he makes 100,000 grand a year. He did not graduate from high school but his ego gets out of hand at times. sometimes he thinks i am not his equal, he crituiques me all the time which makes me think I am not the right girl to stand at his side. I am really pretty, good body were both 27. i was in college when we met and had I more confidence then i do now. I had a goal for myself but i fell in love and really have nothing going for me. I'm an ortament people say, i am his trophie wife. I hate that. i wish i could leave everyone and run away to start over with a new name new life even better death. Is he embarrassed of me or am i paranoid because i could never fill his shoes. He does love me shows me love all the time wants children really bad. He really wants a boy. His father uses abusive language towards other people even me because he thinks he better then everyone else. I have even seen his dad talk down his mom all the time she just lets it go. I am not that passive and I am sensative. His mother in law does not bond with me but we are agreeable. Hmm...
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reader, juhu  +, writes (7 June 2009):
I totally get where you're coming from. I have been with my boyfriend for many years. He doesn't lack ambition as much as he doesn't really beleive in himself deep down. This keeps him back from doing the things he's good at (art), and findind a good job. He doesn't think he could find a job which paid him a decent amount of money. in saying this he has a design degree, and passed this A+ with honours. So it's not so much intelligence at issue here as it is "confidence". he has perfectly intelligent conversations with me, but lacks the confidence to have these intelligent conversations with my friends/workmates etc. i find it highly annoying as i know that he is "intelligent" but when he has to converse with anyone else, he can't do it! So i know how you feel and how this can be very frustrating in trying to forge joint friendships. I am like you, an avid conversationalist. Friendly and intelligent. Able to express my feelings. I have been at the point of breaking up over this, but the only think that keeps me from doing this is that I dont like being "influenced" by what society thinks i should be like, or what kind of person i should be WITH. but it is a trade off - do you please others and have a public facing "relationship" where you keep other people happy. Or do you stay with your shy and unconfident guy, even though you're happy together, stick up for him and your choice to stay with him? Similar to the answer above. I think a strong person can see things clearly and realise that a guy like this might just need a confidence booster. But if you're not willing to wait around while he gets confident (and you never know how long this might take), then it's probably best you leave. It's 50/50 and you have to just do what feels right for you. As for me I am chosing to stay as I think my partner just lacks confidence. I think I can see it improving and hope that with time and more exposure to people he will be OK. Hope this helps.
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female
reader, Kristy R. +, writes (25 May 2009):
I think you are wrong. If you were that smart you would realize that you are probably not much smarter than anyone else, your husband included. Try to look at your husband's life through a sociological perspective. Are there reasons why he has not had the opportunity to receive an education on par with yours? This is not his fault. I do not thing that a person's alleged "intelligence" is that important. I have known self-acclaimed brainiacs who are not very nice and no fun to be around...I have come to appreciate and to place more value on kindness and love. I think that this is what is more important. Your work people sound like snobs. If your work people are using their perceived intelligence and status to belittle others, then they are morons.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): No, you aren't alone. Many people marry and realize too late , it isn't meant to be. I think it's because many of us are too young to see the problems that could crop up down the road, or many of us are raised to be way too polite, even at our own peril. But a sense of 'false politeness' is always a lie, and lies hurt and complicate lives. The ultimate complication is being married to the wrong person. And my dear, you are married to the wrong man. Use no excuses. Simply tell your husband the truth, the truth which should have been realized, years ago. In the future, always remember, one always marry our equal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2006): that guy couldnt of explained it any better. he's right. so good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2006): That's okay to feel that way. My most recent ex had that similar problem with me. However, the difference was, I didn't like a lot of her friends because I felt that they were bad influences and very questionable people - very hypocritical and fake. The other difference also being that I am ambitious and confident, just not talkative to most of her friends.
This was indeed a problem for her, and with this thing MAINLY, she thought that we were incompatible. I constantly belittled this 'problem' of hers because I felt that we got a long great as partners, but she was so INFLUENCED by these outsiders that hold very little ground in her heart in the first place, yet she would...
Nevermind.
Anyway, I believe that there are two ways to go about this - without breaking down into categories and sub-categories and alternatives as that will just confuse everything. So let's look at it this way:
1) you are frustrated that you cannot look good with your partner, because he isn't attractive to outsiders - that's the basic of it
2) you feel as though he is an obstacle to your material happiness because he is being disapproved by everyone else - material happiness doesn't JUST mean superificial material. It also means sexual excitement derived from having the hot couple look, also having an intellectually witty husband who is able to take some time to be centre staged, etc, etc
3) you feel embarrassed that your 'friends' may think that he is a 'child' compared to what you are, that you can do better, and that he might as well just stick with playing blocks and run around in diapers
Harsh? Most likely. If you mind all that, then I implore you to seek your happiness by breaking his heart. There is NOTHING to work out here. Seems to me that you will be bothered by this for as long as you are like this.
However, if you are indeed a strong person who love is not a fraility of today's culture, then maybe you can for once stand up for yourself, and stand up for your husband, and your relationship.
Indeed, I have had a couple of girlfriends in my past that were quiet, and not talkative, and not as intellectually inclined to speak up nor understand the type of 'executive' style humor that I am accustomed to, but I always made it a point to my lover, that she is indeed a very important person in my life, and NO EXTERNAL entity will EVER make me feel embarrassed. She is the one I chose. I myself, have a back-bone. If I EVER feel embarrassed, I can tell you that IT IS MOST LIKELY because I am embarrassed at myself for allowing any negative thoughts of that nature to occur within my principle structure.
Of course, this IS your life. So choose what makes YOU happiest.
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