A
female
age
51-59,
*irlie
writes:Been with my bloke for 5 years. Engaged for 4 1/2 years. Problem is his family. They are always after money from him - they do it behind my back - and he gives into them everytime. They normally only want him or get in touch when they want something and it is the cause of all our arguments as i say let them get on with things themselves and stop being so stupid where they are concerned. We have lost thousands because of them. I think that they are trying to split us up now. The argument happened on tuesday and we have not spoken since then. I am so fed up i feel used, abused and betrayed. it is worth it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): well i have been there.. My husband family has really put me threw some pure hell. My advice to you is if you really love him then try to work things out. my husband used to give he's parents money all the time and if I would say no it would cause a big arguements, you just have to lay the ground rules" both of you" there are some things they are ok to help with and others not. I would just say pick and choose your battles. I have been married for 3 years and it will get better, if not then you to have to find a way to meet in the middle about the issue
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (29 April 2007):
 I understand both sides of your situation. On one hand you're worried that you're going to carry on like this forever and it's going to end up being your joint money rather than his being given to his family. However, I think maybe the fact that you're venturing a negative opinion on his family is getting him down. However awful our "in laws" are it's important not to say it. After all, we wouldn't much like our boyfriends saying horrible stuff about our families, however true it is. He probably feels like you're attacking his family whereas really you're just concerned about the way he's being used.
I think you owe him an apology and a promise never to slag off his family again but explain how you feel in a guarded way. Tell him you just worry he's being taken advantage of and even though you understand totally that he wants to help his family, you worry that his own financial situation is going to suffer.
At the end of the day this situation is about him and his family and therefore only he can deal with it.
CD
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A
female
reader, Jaydalay +, writes (29 April 2007):
Tell your man your relationship is at risk if he doesn't stop giving them money. Tell him to think about his future with you and you both need the money yourselves for your own lives. If he is having difficulty standing up to his family, help and support him so when his family asks him for money he'll know what to say. Helping his family is all well and good but when its distroying his own finanical situation then it becomes an issue that he must address.
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