A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have always had boyfriends but I am now living with my partner of a year who is a woman. I love her so much and trust her implicitly, she is so good for me and is honestly one of the most amazing and beautiful people I've ever met, she is perfect. The only thing is is that I cannot stop thinking about my ex. I have never loved anyone like I loved him, I thought we'd be together forever until he cheated on me. He completely regretted it and spent nearly 2 years trying to show how sorry he was and winning me back but I just couldn't trust him anymore despite loving him so much. I've dated people since and am obviously now living with my partner but I just can't stop thinking about him. I just clicked with him like I never have with anyone before. I feel awful because I love my girlfriend so much and would never want to hurt her. I'm not in contact with my ex and haven't been for a year and I know he's seeing someone else but it's nothing serious, the weird thing is I want him to be happy and wheb I found out he was finally dating someone else since me I was happy for him. I just have this constant guilty feeling about loving him so much still and I would give anything for us to work but I know I just won't ever be able to trust him again. I can't talk to anyone because I'm now living with my girlfriend and feel so ashamed. We now live quite close together and I constantly worry that I'll see him because I get butterflies at the thought of seeing him, I know it'll only be a matter of time because we will in a small area. We also had an amazing sex life and a real connection. My current partner doesn't have the same sex drive as myself and I just keep thinking about how much I love my ex and how much of a connection we had. Please help because I don't know what to do. I can see a future with my current partner and know I'll be happy and she will never hurt me but at the same time I'm worried I'll forever be thinking about my ex. Thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 August 2016):
 It sounds like you jumped straight in to another relationship without giving yourself a chance to heal. Now you are comparing both your partner and your ex and you are allowing it to eat you up and make you feel guilty.
Remember you have done nothing wrong, he cheated on you, he broke that relationship, and yes it is hard for you, but generally once the trust has gone it is very difficult to get it back, most times it is lost forever.
You probably done the right thing ending it with your ex. But you probably should have stayed single a little longer to work on yourself and the healing process. But now that you are in another relationship it sounds like you are comparing it to the one with your ex and it is just not good enough. Yes you may be able to trust her and you might love her in some way. But that might not be enough. Am sorry but it sounds like she was your rebound. Maybe you need some time alone.
A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (30 August 2016):
 It sounds like you never got any closure with your ex-boyfriend. This is most likely what makes your current predicament so hard, because you'll always wonder "what if" and what could've been.
You broke up with him for a very good reason, it sounds like. Once trust is broken, it's pretty hard to ever fully put it back together again. It's not impossible, but sometimes it's pretty close to it.
Walk yourself through all the potential scenarios in your mind. Is it really worth giving up on a relationship that seems to be great for you, just to see what may or may not happen with your ex? Sure, it's not perfect, but no relationship is. If you're looking for perfection, trust me, you won't find it, because it doesn't exist.
I think you're halfway there in recognizing your happiness with your current partner. You just need the final cut-off from your ex. How that happens will be up to you -- whether you get together for a coffee to settle things, or send him an email. Better yet, open up a notepad and write him a letter, detailing everything you would want to say to him. Then leave it alone, let it sit there for a few days, let it marinate in your head. That may be all you need to do. But if, in a few days, you feel you need to send it, or you feel he actually needs to hear those things, then cross that bridge at that point.
Proceed with caution. It's not just your happiness that's at stake here.
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