A
male
age
41-50,
*ricnuke
writes:Hi, I've been dating an amazing girl for 7 months. She truly is all that I ever wanted. But I still have doubts about her being the one that would pop up every so often but would then disipate. This came to a head 5 days ago and we decided to take some time apart and not see each other so I could really search my heart and figure out what I wanted. I know that I love her and I love the relationship that we have. She makes me feel alive like no one else ever has. The last thing I want to do is go back to her and still feel this way, I care about her too much, but I just can't imagine not having her in my life. I would really appreciate some perspective from any one who's found them selves in a situation like this. Thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JulietteElise +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Hey there! i'm so glad you found someone who you love so very much, but why are you worrying about marriage now? You've only been dateing 7 months, and from what you said you are in your early 20s still. It might seem like everyone else is getting married, etc, but that dousn't mean you have too yet! I say date her for a year or two, and if she's still just as amazing and you love her just as much, and in fact probably more, then worry about marriage. You say you couldn't imagine her not in your life.... so please go back to her! Though you have been feeling overwhellmed, you don't need to make any desicion right now, and i'm sure this time apart has hurt and confused her, esspically since you say you love being with her. However, i have to ask, what are these thoughts about her not being "the one"? I think that in every relationship, esspically those that we are madly in love with someone, there will be doubts now and then, but it really depends on weither these doubts are little things, or huge things (examples of potential huge things are how you both want to live your lives, where to live, potentialy religious and cultural diffrences, and other important things you both can't comprimise on). I'm guessing this is the first time you've ever felt like this before for someone? I only say this because you seem uncomfertable with it.... perhaps you have had commitment issues in the past? Because even if you decide to live with her the rest of your life, that shouldn't effect your "freedom" you will still be you, and in all good relationships you would still be able to hang with friends and persue your intrests, etc. So please don't be scared.... loveing someone is supposed to be a good thing, so why are you afraid that you love her too much? Is it because your're so afraid that you love her so much that the thought of loseing her destroys you? Because if you both are happy and in love then you needn't worry. This is actually another form of commitment issues, and there are many websites that explain how to overcome these fears and feelings, though a counslor and always help too. But please remember, you both have only been dateing 7 months.... so date longer, for anouther year or two... and see where that takes you both.huuggggi hope this helped, and feel free to messege me if you want to talk more about this, etc
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I think we can all freak out sometimes when we get in such a serious and meaningful relationship. Sometimes our minds can tell us this is not what we want as a sort of defence mechanism to make sure we don't get hurt. You seem to really love this girl so I can't really see why these thoughts are coming up unless there are some issues that are so deepset, you can't get to them right now?
I've always said that if you can question whether you love or whether they are 'the one', they are not. This sounds harsh but if you speak to people who are in true love and have met their soul mate, you will know that it's true. However, I'd say hang in there for you. Spend that time away and see how you feel in a few weeks. I really hope you realise how lucky you are to have found someone you love this much and hope whatever decision you make is for the best.
You sounds lovely so good luck and I hope it all works out. She's a lucky girl if she manages to keep you!
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A
male
reader, jrwest1973 +, writes (14 February 2007):
I have been married twice and divorced both times. It takes time to know what you want and truely need in a woman. I evolved each time I was married. I convinced myself that they were what I wanted and needed. I searched myself and now know they both were far from what the doctor ordered. What I'm trying to say is you shouldn't feel bad about these thoughts. I will tell you that time apart was a mistake. Questions like those you face should draw you closer to her if for no other reason so you can analyze how she is in situations like this. COMUNICATE with her. Reassure her that you love her with all your heart and you want to make sure that the two of you have the symbolic legs of the relationship chair. 1)Emotional 2)Mental 3)Physical (finances ect.) 4) Sexual. If you lack in any of these areas the chair cannot stand. Not to say that if you do lack that you cant work to build that leg. You can. If both of you are willing to work at it.I hope this helps.
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