A
female
age
41-50,
*cbg82
writes:I broke up with my ex about 2 1/2 years ago after a 5 and a half year relationship. I left him, as I felt that he would never commit fully to me and that as I was only 26, that i needed to stand on my own two feet and support myself. He was very sucessful and we had an amazing life style but it was all paid for by him and I never had much of a say in things as I couldnt contribute the same financially to our lives. I was worried that one day he would have left me and by that time I would have no serious career experience and would not be able to fend for myself. I loved him so much for so many years but in the end I met someone else whilst I was working in london, trying to get some life experience and I left him. At the time i knew what I was doing was the right thing to do. The problem is that ever since we broke up I have always thought of him and missed him. He ended up getting together very soon after we broke up with a girl who was a mutual friend of ours, however she often caused a lot of arguements between us as I never trusted her, I also didnt trust him on his own with her. I perhaps befriended her more than I should have with the hope that being close to her would cause her not to go after him. Anyway my plan didnt work and they got together and are still together now. I am still with the person I had met before I broke up with him and we live together. The problem is I can't stop thinking about my ex. I cant move on from him and get over him. We dont speak and never see eachother as I rarely go back to the island we lived on together. When we do see eachother it is awkward and there is always a bit of an atmosphere that i notice. We tend to flirt when we bump into eachother and i often catch him staring at me. People have said that he ignores me totally as he's still not over me and that he's not inlove with the girlfriend as hes always trying to sleep with loads of other girls whenever she's not around.I just dont know how to get over it or if we should give things another go. I don't think he would give things another go with me as i broke his heart and he doesnt give me the time of day anymore. But I also know him well enough to know the games that he plays. I do love him though and always will love him, I'm just not sure if I can face the rejection if he's over me completely. I am so mixed up over him and either want a second chance or i want closure on the whole thing.Any advice would be amazing.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, epicureansage  +, writes (20 February 2011):
Leave him alone. You're complaining about this other man's (the one you still desire) past inability to commit, yet here you are jumping between beds. I think you have the truth of all of this in your posting - your problem is that he may be over you. YOU. This isn't love, it's a passion for what you don't have at any given moment joined to self esteem issues - earlier example being why you left this guy to begin with (because you couldn't accept his generosity due to other self-esteem probs.). Quit tearing a path of chaos and broken hearts as a means of being affirmed. As you've sort of proven (even if you're not "getting it"), this approach to life isn't working.
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