A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hate this. Ive been with my boyfriend officially 5 months but really its been like a year. I love him sooooo much and hes completely amazing, hes helped me so much and literally worships the ground i walk on, hes basically perfect, but i still am in love with my ex. I think about him alot and still have huge feelings for him, when we talk and he ends up telling me he still loves me and ill always have a place in his heart and he misses me in someways it just makes me wonder and rethink my relationship im in now. i love my boyfriend, but i love my ex, too. please help :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much, your advice is really the only one that sounds right and sounds like something i can follow and atleast you do understand where im coming from.
Thanks again, and good luck with you situation, too!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I was very interested to read your post, I came across it when I was researching this very subject as I too am in the same situation and it's a nightmare. When I'm with my new man, everything is as you say, "perfect" on many levels, however when I'm not with him I don't think about him, and think constantly about the man I left and what needs to happen in order for us to get back together and be happy. I don't know what the answer is but one thing I have learned is that no-one will understand your situation unless they have experienced the exact same thing, which chances are, they won't - so be careful who's advice you listen to as they are not necessarily speaking from a position of understanding or experience. The only person who can help you is you, and this may take many months of soul searching in order to find out what you truly want and what you need to do to get it. I once heard the advice of "don't choose a man you can live with, but one you can't live without" - sounds like good advice to me although this in itself is not enough, you need to look to yourself to provide and generate your own happiness, which will automatically make you more attractive to others and bring you the fulfilment and happiness you desire. Whatever you decide, things between you and your ex and me and mine didn't work out a for a reason. Therefore, the only way it can work is if you do one of 3 things: change it, leave or accept things completely. Obviously communication is key, but ultimately these are the only options in a relationship when you're not happy with something. For my part, I kept trying the same things and expecting the same outcomes, which is the definition of insanity! Be honest with both and be true to yourself. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I was very interested to read your post, I came across it when I was researching this very subject as I too am in the same situation and it's a nightmare. When I'm with my new man, everything is as you say, "perfect" on many levels, however when I'm not with him I don't think about him, and think constantly about the man I left and what needs to happen in order for us to get back together and be happy. I don't know what the answer is but one thing I have learned is that no-one will understand your situation unless they have experienced the exact same thing, which chances are, they won't - so be careful who's advice you listen to as they are not necessarily speaking from a position of understanding or experience. The only person who can help you is you, and this may take many months of soul searching in order to find out what you truly want and what you need to do to get it. I once heard the advice of "don't choose a man you can live with, but one you can't live without" - sounds like good advice to me although this in itself is not enough, you need to look to yourself to provide and generate your own happiness, which will automatically make you more attractive to others and bring you the fulfilment and happiness you desire. Whatever you decide, things between you and your ex and me and mine didn't work out a for a reason. Therefore, the only way it can work is if you do one of 3 things: change it, leave or accept things completely. Obviously communication is key, but ultimately these are the only options in a relationship when you're not happy with something. For my part, I kept trying the same things and expecting the same outcomes, which is the definition of insanity! Be honest with both and be true to yourself. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, tranny +, writes (20 September 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It must suck.
But you can't love two people at the same time. It just doesnt happen like that. Saying that you are in love with two people makes me want to believe that you are not in love at all.
You're 17 years old. Realize that your hormones are just raging through your body.
Stay with your boyfriend or break up with him and go talk to your ex. Love is something almost all 17 year olds dont understand. Invest a couple more years into one of the boys and then maybe you'll find out if you love him.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (20 September 2009):
 If you're in a relationship with your boyfriend and fully committed to it, there's no need to run back to your ex and listen to how much he loves you. That's having one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. Either stop talking to the ex and give all your attention to your boyfriend, or break up with your boyfriend and give all your attention to your ex. You are totally disrespecting your boyfriend right now and you need to stop.
Frankly, your ex is probably telling you all that because it pumps up his ego to know that you're still dizzy over him, and not because he honestly loves you and wants you back. If he really wanted you he'd say so and he'd work on trying to date you and treat you right. Talk is cheap.
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