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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, my boyfriend and i have been dating for 11 months now, and only about 2 months ago i met his family. I'm perfectaly comfortable around them all now. He has 2 brothers. One of which, i've started to develop feelings for. Although i'm in love with my boyfriend deeply. I have started to get feelings for his brother and i don't know what to do. How do i approach my boyfriend, do i tell him? Or do i try and forget about how i feel? Please help me :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): How can you be absolutely in mad love and still have feelings for another? That isn't love.
I think that you are dwelling and feeding a "what if" in your head...building it up into something it isn't...and that is your downfall.
They are brothers; do they have the same build? Same smile? Same eyes? Same laugh? It is possible that you adored your boyfriend and fell in love with him for all of these reasons plus on how he treats you and so, meeting his brother who seems familiar and yet you have more in common...
Still, you have made a choice. Is there a possibility that you are mistaking brother's friendliness and openess as attraction? I don't think brother feels the same and I think he loves and respects his brother (BF) and you should as well.
Let it go. Focus on your bf. Stop fantasizing and be happy with the terrific hunk of man you have at your side; who wants to be at your side.
Kill the crush feelings and develop and strengthen the love.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, caraduddy  +, writes (14 August 2006):
 hi, you have to think about this how much you love your boyfriend and how much he loves you. You shoudn't let another crush get in the way of this relationship its best if you dont think about his brother and focus on you and your boyfriend. His brother may not have feelings for you anyway. Think of you and your boyfriend
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (14 August 2006):
 Sweetie listen, if you deeply love your fella, let your love for him outshine the feelings you have for his brother. Trust me, I am not saying you can just turn the feelings off, but if you tell yourself everyday how wrong it is to feel this way about his brother then you will notice the feelings start going away. Why tell your boyfriend about something which has not happened, its normal to be attracted to others if you are with someone, but its WRONG to act on those feelings. xXx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): Do NOT tell your boyfriend - what would this do? It would make him insecure, upset and possibly make him have negative feelings toward his brother. This would most likely then turn into not just a brother problem, but a problem for the whole family.What you need to do is get rid of these feelings somehow. Maybe not visiting his house so often until you can somehow manage to get these thoughts out of your head. Concentrate on your boyfriend and what makes him so special to you that you love him. You probably don't even really *like* the brother since it doesn't sound like you've known him for that long. It seems more like you want him because you're not supposed to have him. That sort of problem is understandable and happens to many people - but what's not understandable is if you actually act on those feelings.Also, one last question you should ask yourself: if you told his brother, do you honestly think that he would get together with you, anyway? I don't think that any loving brother would.I hope all goes well for you - I know that this can be a tough spot to be in. But in the end, you'll do what is right for you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 August 2006):
 OOoooh not a good situation to be in, but one you can sort of control on if you slam the breaks down on those straying thoughts right now. I don't think you should tell your boyfriend or his brother how you feel - imagine how you would feel if he told you he fancied your sister? If it gets out in his family then you will be blamed as some kind of vixen trying to stir things up between siblings (not saying you are but that is how it could look to them) after they kindly invited you into the family home. Even if it was handled by them in a better way - there would always be awkwardness between you and his family.
You say that you love your man so forget about his brother - even if you split up with your BF and dated his brother it would always be an awkward situation doomed to fail and full of tension. If you were 100% in love with your man then you wouldn't be looking elsewhere at all - try to fix whatever is wrong in your current relationship rather than looking elsewhere.
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