A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend alot and he loves me too, but he loses his temper quite easily. He says he's sorry and that he loves me, but its hard for him to control his temper. we've been together 15 months and are in bliss when we're not arguing. How can he control his temper and stop arguing? I really love him and i need answers.Please help xxxx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Hi Im back. It's me Breanne and me and my exboyfriend are done.There is this other boy I do like him but he’s not right not right for me. He likes to touch girls in a place and he said to me a lot of times, I love you, and he said “come here and let me give you a kiss”. Thank God one of the teachers were there because she heard half of it and she asked me what the boy said and I told her. She said thanks and she told the Principal
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): hi am back BreAnne ok here is the scoop me and my boyfriend are back together as friends but he wants another chance but he said i will not mess this but me and are going to take it really slow plus me and him care about each other very much to we are starting to hold hands and giving him hugs but get this he wants to go out in a couple month so what do you think i still love him to death but get this his dad has to restain him because he hit himself and i can not see that at all either because i will start to cry because i hate to see him get restained and plus i hate to see him like this i have'nt seen it yet but i am afraid that i will i just hate when he gets like this because he gets really mad easy but when he is with me he's like he's nice he understands me he's sweet, kind, very nice, he's very understanding to me it seems when he is with his parents and grandparents something just sets him off swomething at home but he will not tell and he needs to tell me because if he get to that level he goes off the deep end and plus when he is at home this is what i think he parent and grandparent do something to make him very mad and that gets him restained by his dad and when ever i know that i can picture it in my head for some reason but just this when he is with me he is just like a different person when he is with me maybe because he know me really well and he know that i'll will be there when he is very frustrated i know why now he feel's safe with me that why i'll bet you but what i think is because his parent's and grandparent's treat not very nice at all to i really feel but for my boyfriend now i still love him to death to.
ps.i tell him i miss your hugs thats how bad i missed him plus i said to him i need you very bad and he understands me to i think i am following back in love with him ever tim i hug him i said i miss his hugs and i start to cry for him and his hugs to.
ps. i love him still very much to i really don't want to lose him at all.
ps.i do really miss him and his hugs that how bad it is with me as soon as he is gone plus i do start to cry when he hugs's me to that's how bad i love him.
ps. i do miss him and his hugs to and i do start to cry when he is with me i really do not want to lose him at all.
ps. BreAnne
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Hi Brianne, I'm glad to hear from you, I got a little worried. I'm glad you've broken up with this guy. Not only does he get violent, but now he's insulted you and gotten himself a new girlfriend. He and his family don't seem very nice. Please stay away from him. Don't call him, don't talk to him ever again. Leave him to his new girlfriend, this guy is trouble. Forget about him and move on. I know it hurts, but it's all for the best. This guy is confusing, you need to find somebody else. Take care of you babes, stay safe, hugs....
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): hi i am back breanne i broke up with him ok.
ok here is everything that happened with him and me i get very stressed out ok well on friday i called him on his cell and did not answer at so ok then i called the house phone i want to talk to my boyfriend and the grandma picked up and i saqid can i please speak to my boyfriend and the grandma said you really need to leave him so find and i said why to ok whatever and i called her back and you will not speak to me like that and she said nothing to me ok fine and on saturday i called him on his cell phone and i got his new girlfriend and i said who is this and she said that is none of your bees wack and i said little girl you will not talk to me like that and i called her again ok fine and her and my xboyfriend and his dad said if you do not leave them they all said this well the girlfriend said this to me she threatened to kill me and my xboyfriend and my xboyfriends dad to and she said to my xboyfriend do you know where she lives and my xboyfriend said yes i do to so this is what i said to if you do i will call the police on and she said to me she was calling me all these bad word and names to and me and my mom went to the police and we filed a report to and here is the best thing of all the police called my xboyfriend and said please give me a call back and the police said i will keep trying to call them.
and the girlfriend said to my xboyfriend he wants his f..... carma back i should of given it to the police instead i dealited all of his pictures on his carma and then after all of that it is just not all stupied to.
ps. they are all jack ass my xboyfriend will not even speak to me hello it is called get a grip.
ps. here is the bad problem i have to go to school with him next year ooh what joy to me.
ps. i can not wait to tell him off at all if he is even there at all.
ps.if he is well fuck you all and sorry for saying all of the bad words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Hi Breanne,
I noticed we haven't heard from you in while. How's everything going. How's your young man. Please update, I'd love to hear how everything is going with you,
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Hi Breanne,
Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner. Your doing great kid, but you didn't give me that promise to stop anyone hitting you. Stay away from your cousin if he hits you, but I'm glad his brother is there to help. Have you told your parents how much your cousin hurts you, I think you should. I don't think they'll be happy with your cousin hurting you.
I'm glad your boyfriend is out of hospital, but he really needs to control his temper because next time they may not let him out. If he's on medication and has been admitted to hospital then the people in charge feel that he's not well. I know you love him and I know that you think he's OK but he's not. People who are healthy don't get so angry that they end up in hospital. Next time he gets angry he might hurt somebody badly, he might even kill them, then he will end up in jail.
I know you love him, but he has to learn to control his temper. Being frightened of your boyfriend is not a good thing. It's good that he has never hit you, but last time he lost his temper he couldn't think straight and it took a couple of grown men to hold him down. I know you love him, but is he safe to be with. Maybe you should wait untill he's learned to control his temper before you be with him alone. You can still call him, and you can even see him if he's with other people. But like you said, what happens if he hits you and hurts you. It will destroy him and he'll never be able to forgive himself. You can still see him if he's at his parents house. Tell him how afraid you are of his temper and ask if they can help.
Breanne, you've been very brave, very brave indeed. But your boyfriend soumds very dangerous, and you need to be very carefull. Have you had a look at the website I gave you.. http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/anger_management.php. This gives you some idea on how he should start to control his temper. Tell him to read it and ask his parents if they could arrange to see a counsellor to deal with his anger problems. He needs professional help before he ends up in prision or dead because he got angry with the wrong person.
You said you left him, why? Was it because of his temper or something else. Dose your paremts like this guy, how do they feel about him. Please update.
Hugs Kid, Take care of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): hi i am back its breanne he is not always mad its just when his parents makes him mad its just like i always said he is not always mad but whaen he does i feel very scared and upset because he is in the hospital and he sould not be in there and yes i am scared if he hits me or something i am kind of use to it but i am scared to get hit by him he says he will never hit me and what if he does hit.
breanne
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Hi everybody it is Breanne.My boyfriend is staying there til this Sunday, his dad said, so he can get his act together, and he is going to call me on Sunday when ever he gets home, i will keep you all posted everyday.love ya all very much, Breanne.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): thank you all very much and about my cousin his parent does not care what he does his parent or i should say he has an older brother that is very nice and he sticks up for me which is very good to plus he does under stand what is going on to so his but is very in trouble with his brother.
ps. i am not going to let anyone hurt my boyfriend to plus i really do not think he belongs in a hosptial at all he needs to be helped who knows him very well to and he has been telling everything that has been going on to.
thankl you ya very much i will keep you all posted on my boyfriend and cousin to
ps thank you everybody so all very much keep me posted everybody and i will keep you posted with my boyfriend and cousin now i am going to call his dad and see how's he is doing to and i am not allowed to call or visted him because no phone at and only his parents are allowed to vist him thank you all very much talk to you later.
ps. i am going to see what happeneds after i call him to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Breanne, I have read your postings, and vow, you have been dealing with a lot; my heart goes out to you; it is so sad when things like this happen; I am really sorry that you had to deal with all of this;
Diovan has been giving you excellent advise and you have a good friend in her; you must take care of yourself and should not allow people to hurt you;
Your friend now needs help and it is good that he is getting professional help from the doctors at the hospital; when he is released and at hme; it might be good for you to visit him while his father or somebody is around; obviously he is sick and needs to take his medication;
Something that troubles me is that your cousin is hitting you?; why does he do that? Nobody but nobody has the right to hit you or hurt you; when does that happen? Are you staying with your parents?
You sound like a very nice young gril; remember you are not alone; we are here to help you; you have friends here like Diovan; and we are all willing to assist you as and when we can; you are always welcome anytime of the day or night.
Do take good care of yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Hi Breanne,
Did you write the original post about the boyfriend who loses his temper easily, is this an update or is this a totally seperate question. Usually the system identifies you as the person who is asking the question, but it hasn't this time. No matter. I am very, very concerned about your situation.
No, no babes, it's not your fault, you didn't set him off. He's very, very sick. He's not well. There's nothing else you could have done, if it wasn't you leaving then he would have still have got sick and had to go into hospital. You poor darling, you must be feeling very afraid. It's not nice when these things happen, but I promise you that it would have happened anyway.
I know you love him and I know you want the best for him, but he needs to be in hospital for a reason. He's very sick, he can't help the way he behaves. The doctor's know this and they are the only people that can help him get well. I know you love him and he probably loves you in his own way, but love is not alway enough, especially when one partner is unwell.
Speak to his parents if you can, ask if you can call him if you can and tell him you love him. But at the moment this man is dangerous, he's dangerous to you and he's dangerous to himself. If he can get so angry that he has to go to hospital, it's not safe for you to see him or to be with him. Talk to his parents and tell them how your feeling, they will be feeling the same as you, but they know how sick he is and they agree with the doctors that he has to stay in hospital.
I don't like the stuff about you being hit, it makes me cry. Nobody, nobody should ever hit you. You may not care but I do. How would you feel if somebody hit your boyfriend. I bet you would feel as sad as I do. I would love you to write back and make me a promise, promise me that you will never allow anybody to hit you again.
You've made me cry... and I don't like to cry. I don't like people that hurt you and if you boyfriend hits you I hope they keep him inside for a long time untill he dosen't hit anybody again. If people hit, then they are either sick, or they don't love you very much.
I'm feeling so sad now Breanne, I wish there was somebody to hold you and stop people from hurting you. Since I can't be there, you have to learn to be strong and learn to run away when people get angry and try to hurt you. Even your boyfriend. Imagine how he would feel if he hit you one day and hurt you really bad, he loves you, he's not well, he would never forgive himself and he would cry for ever.
Is there somebody you can talk to Breanne, can you talk to your parents, can you talk to a friend. Do you go to chuch, can you talk to the priest, or can your doctor help. I need you to find a friend to talk to, tell them how you feel, tell them what's happened. I can't give you anything except virtual hugs that you can't feel, I want you to have a friend who will hold you and hug you and make sure your safe. For now go and talk to his parents, tell them how you feel, tell them what happened and tell them you care. Tell your parents about your cousin or tell his/her parents about what how they are hurting you.
You can reach me by mail if you want to talk further. I have no advice, your in a bad situation and I don't know what to say to make things right. Take care of you, and promise me, no matter what you will keep yourself safe from harm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): hi i am back it is breanne and i understand what you are saying but its none of that it is like this everone i think i set him off and now when he is in the hospital he is fine to but when he is with me he tells me he sorry for telling me this stuff that he has been saying in the past and what he is saying he has not been taking his meds at all either because know one has been on his butt at all and now his dad is at the hospital see if he could come and he is not mean to me at all but if he is what do i do and i am use to being hit because i have a cousin that does all of this i am telling you and cousin is 17 years old to so i am use to it to and if my boyfriend hits me fine or anything that he does i really don't care because like i was telling you my cousin takes everything out on me and right now i really do not care if my boyfriend does the same thing at all because i will not give up on my boyfriend at all.
ps. stil love him very much and know one can not stop me i have been prayering for him all of the time to
ps breanne.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Hi Breanne (Ms anonymous on 23rd June) Your problem is a very serious one, please post again on the main board so you can get the advice you seriously need. It's not appropriate to post an answer here, as the advice and support you need will take many words.
Back to you dear caller,
As the other aunts and uncles have suggested, your boyfriend needs to get counselling to manage his anger problems. There is nothing you can do except protect yourself, stay away if there's any danger and try not to do things that might provoke him. He needs professional help which is something that you cannot provide. Tell him to visit his doctor, or contact the charity Mind (http://www.mind.org.uk/index.htm) to see if you can find services in his area.
Another good website I've found is http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/anger_management.php
But the problem is really his and it his problem to fix rather than yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): hi my name is breanne i have a boyfriend that is saying for a long time he was thearted to kill himself just because i was going to breakup with him and he said to 2 days ago he said he want to breakup with me ok and now i called him at his dr. office and i did not know he was there either at all and i said to him we have to breakup and that time he was at the dr. office and his dr. said to my boyfriend you need to hang up now and he refushed to and so the nurse was saying to boyfriend you need to hang up now and she said if you do not i am going to have to call the sercity on and they did and now after i said all of this he ran out of the dr. office and the sercity had to come him and grabbed him he went blistic on them so they had to 302 something like that and i am guessing they had to tie him down and now he is in a nutty place now and i feel very bad and ever since i said that all i have been doing is crying because i think i set my boyfriend off and thats why he is in there now and now his life has been a living hell to because mom kicked him out of her house and the dad has been visting him like almost everday and now on monday they are trying to get him out just so i can see him agan i really feel bad.
ps.i loved him and i should of nevered said that to him at all eiter because all i have been doing is thinking and crying for him what if he is hurting because of the people there and i love him to death alot of times i want to do is wish it was me not him in there.
ps. i want him back in my life and he is not mad either he said probely when ever he calles i am going to cry and i do really want to see him as soon as he gets out.
ps. i just need him forever and now because i miss him alot to plus i need him now because i am crying now.
ps. i wish i wouldn't have never said that to him.
what should i do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): I would love to say that I think men change but my husband has always had a temper and I read somewhere that the way a man drives tells you a great deal about his temperament elsewhere. Looking back I wish I had known this. My husband used to be like a tightly wound spring at the wheel he was aggressive, impatient and often I used to arrive at a destination (you know as us girls do - having made more than a little effort with appearance etc) totally stressed and upset. He never cared. This man has turned into an abusive person - both emotionally and physically. I would say to you - give him time to change but don't leave it too long. If he doesn't have the strength to walk away. I wish I had. Its not your responsibility to 'fix him'.
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reader, Georgia20 +, writes (20 January 2008):
The only way he is going to change his temper is if he wants to, you cant change anyone! I would say talk to him and see if he would be open to anger management or at least going to see his doctor. Its not fair for you to be on the other end of his temper! Dont go in too fast though bring it up in a conversation and see what he says!
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Just take a note of what topics that can make him angry . Stay away from those topics.Some people have a very short fuse.It is not easy to control their temper.
If you are angry count 1 to 10 and you may get over those angers. If very angry count 1 to 1000 or until he don't feel the anger or the anger feelings subsided.
If he is angry , leave him quickly or just be quiet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): I think this guy needs outside help ask family or doctor for advice if he only losses his temper you can help him through this but if losing his temper involves hitting you I'm afraid he'll have to get help alone. You'll have to end the relationship to allow him seek the help needed to sort himself out and if he is hitting you now and your 16/17 what will it be like years down the line as much as you'd like to belive him he won't change and soon all the good times will b forgotton because the bad times will take over look after yourself you are number one and so worth better.
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reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 You can't change a person. He has to change and improve himself. If he doesn't want to change, then it's hopeless. There are anger management classes to help and counselors too. If his temper is totally out of control, it could endanger you so if you are scared, get outta there.
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reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (19 January 2008):
 is he by any chance a scorpio? lol, i feel your pain. my boyfriend hav been together for almost 2 years. and he has the worse anger problems he doesnt hit me or anything but his easily agitated and he hits walls and stuff when his real real real mad.
after one time he smashed a wall infront of me i started crying and i said that i really dont like it when his like that and it scares me also because i dont like him hurting himself. and he understood n now he rarely ever gets angry, wat im tryin to say is. if he really cares bout u he will seek help or try to stop gettin angry so much. and also, communication
try to talk to him when his in a good/talkin mood and jus explain to him how u feel =)
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