A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For personal reasons I will not name the real names of the people I will be speaking about. Here is my situation.I have a best friend Kelly, who dated my best friend Dan. They were both happy at one point. He was madly in love with her, however she multiple times tried to break up with him and was unsure about him. Eventually she broke up with him and went off to live in a college campus 3 hour drive from where I live. (Where Dan also lives). He was devastated.Dan used to have a thing for me and Kelly when we were younger. He always said that it was me who he fell in love with first, but personally I've seen him always around Kelly.I am currently in a relationship with another guy, Scot. We have been on and off,because I feel as if I do not love him. I like him. Of course those are completely different feelings. Long story short I have realized I have always loved Dan because every time Kelly and Dan were together that really hurt me. I always worry about Dan if he gets hurt....im just a mess.I feel so upset with myself because I do not want to hurt Scot, I have fun with him, he is a great guy.However the problem goes deeper when Dan and me hang out (we've been best friend 3 years now), he always gives me these random comments like, "break up with Scot", "I should have never let you go" "i want to marry you"...even sometimes "i love you". Of course these phrases escalate when he gets drunk. He tries to come closer to me, he always stares at me like he wants something to tell me.Now finally when Kelly comes around for breaks we all go out, and eventually Dan and Kelly get together, nothing really happens, but they may hold hands or hug a lot or sleep beside one another.When i try to confront him about this, he says he doesn't love her, it is when he is drunk he cant help and think of the times they had.Kelly does not know my true feelings for Dan, and Dan does not know my feelings for him.Another thing, My other best friend Anna also liked Dan but really long time ago. She said her feelings are gone.All of this just messes me up.I love Dan, but I do not want to be the friend that dates her friends ex. (I have had past experience with Anna that told me she was angry with me all the time i dated the guy she went out with years ago- I never knew that's how she felt because she never told me!).It feels like there is too much risk to go for something that I want. I do not want to lose my friendship with any of these people.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, drunk, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): It is great that you are so thoughtful of everyone and what they are or will feel if you take the step to become involved with Dan.
I think reguardless of what happens with Dan you need to break it off with scot, it is not fair on him to continue the relationship when you feel so strongly toward Dan.
Anna is over him, so he is fair game, and as for Kelly, you need to tell her how you feel. And I think you owe it to yourself to see where things go with Dan, you never know he could be the one, and if you let your friends stop you, you could be missing out on something special.
I understand how torn you are but really you need to take the chance, and your friends may be upset and angry at first but if they really care about you and Dan makes you happy then they will be supportive.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (11 November 2012):
 1- anna said she was over him, so i think it's fine territory; if it's not, you'll only get her silent anger again which you weren't even aware of so how bad was that?
2- you and kelly need to discuss your feelings for dan and where she lands in all this. Kelly probably has strong feelings about Dan but knows that she and he were not meant to work out, because of all the doubts that tagged along with him. my guess is that even though they seem close when they see each other, she will give you her blessing
3- talk to dan, reciprocate his love for you and make it happen.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (11 November 2012):
1- anna said she was over him, so i think it's fine territory; if it's not, you'll only get her silent anger again which you weren't even aware of so how bad was that?
2- you and kelly need to discuss your feelings for dan and where she lands in all this. Kelly probably has strong feelings about Dan but knows that she and he were not meant to work out, because of all the doubts that tagged along with him. my guess is that even though they seem close when they see each other, she will give you her blessing
3- talk to dan, reciprocate his love for you and make it happen.
...............................
|
