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male
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anonymous
writes: How do I get over loving my best friend? We have been doing stuff together for over a year and I told her I loved her but she doesn't feel the same way. Now she is trying to do everything to show me that we can never be together. When I ask her what she wants from me she doesn't answer. I love her but she doesn't love me. She even asks me to help her go on date by driving her there or something. I went to a kick back with her yesterday and she hooked up with a guy who had a girlfriend already and she already has a boyfriend. I told her it hurts me to see her with people but somehow she ended up on the same couch as me grinding with some guy as I watched. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006): Been there, done that.
I had a similar situation, with the exception that I wasn't in love with her at first, but she came to me after some time and told me that she loved me, but didn't want to try it yet. Just like that, out of the blue. Anyway, problem was that I eventually did fall in love with her about a month later, because I started to look at her differently since she had said that. She still didn't want to and yeah, that's really, really hard, especially because if she hadn't said it, I wouldn't have had to go through all of this. Later on, she came back again, but I've learned that in these situations it's actually quite simple: I she says she doesn't love you, or she says she does, but doesn't want to try it yet, well then you just have to get over it, because in either case, she just doesn't love you, or doesn't love you enough. In my case I got over her eventually because of another girl, however that didn't work out either. Anyway, just hang on a bit and get on with your life WITHOUT her. To me it has been one hell of a year (especially because I had exams during all of this), but I got through it just fine. Just hang in there dude, you'll meet another person sooner or later.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 November 2005):
 What does she need to do to get it through your head, write it on your forehead? Go your separate ways and don't look back. It's over.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): Maybe shes doing that stuff, because she feels irritated because you won't get over her, so shes doing it to make you understand she doesn't want anything with you. So you should start doing the same maybe she'll even get jealous. But what you really should do is get over her because shes obviously not a very good friend either
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A
female
reader, Forthright +, writes (12 November 2005):
1) She has given you her answer, and there is no other choice but to accept it. You are pressuring her and you have no right to do so - stop.
2) She is not a good friend (and therefore not a friend). If she were she would be upset at having to hurt you and would try very hard to avoid hurting you more. trust me, i have been there!
So, you need to walk away from this, as it is going to destroy you emotionally. How you have had the fortitude to put up with this so far is beyond me - you are clearly a very loving, strong and patient person and you could make someone else out there really happy, someone who deserves you. Don't be treated like this, it is humiliating and beneath you.
The way to get over her is to walk away - separate yourself from this destructive situation, give yourself time to heal. You have gone through a lot, it is time to give yourself a break, you deserve it. This will take time.
PS you say you have been 'doing stuff' - I'm unsure if you mean sexually. If yes, that must be really messing with your head. I think you may have been used here, sorry...
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