A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, his parents dont like me, end of, case closed. I stayed over his house one evening and we were talking on the stairs the next day and all his dad said to me was 'move im trying to get upstairs'. then when they came to fix my boyfriends car which was stuck outside my house, i came to say hello, his dad said 'hi' got in his car and left. My boyfriend and his family came into the club where i work and they were dancing in the room where i work and it was only my boyfriend who came over to say hello, the rest of his family wouldnt even acknowledge i was there. my boyfriend makes a big deal about how i dont make any effot. now we're on a break and hes asked me to think about if i really want to be with him. i love him to pieces, but i dont want his family, he also has a son which means that hes busy thurs to monday with him, i just cant seem to involve myself i dont know what to do or say. i want to have a life go out to clubs and travel, experience everything whilst im young. not have to stay in because my boyfriend has a child. I just want him without the rest of the baggage. i just cant loose him, i dont know what to do. help!!!
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 I totally understand and I am going through something similar, minus the kid. My somewhat boyfriend's family hates me. We have fought a lot recently and they attribute it all to me, because they are stupid, and today his dad even said to my boyfriend he doesn't want me to come over there anymore and that he would feel "awkward". His dad also said I'm not good enough for him. Now we are trying to fix things but his family is seriously pissing me off. I don't know if I can be with him even though I want to atleaast try, his family is making it nearly impossible. And unfortunately he is close to them... I'm going to give you advice I know I should take myself, move on. I just read Britt's post and it makes a lot of sense- you can't make a man love you on your terms. You and I want someone with no baggage. And a nice family or someone not too close with their family. And my bf says the same thing yours does, that I should try harder with them. I'm not dating his f***ing parents, I'm dating him. Anyways sorry, I am still mad about it all. But maybe we both need to accept these aren't the guys we need and we are too different. Cause I doubt either of them will give up their family. And that kid isn't going anywhere. And I don't blame you cause I couldn't date anyone with a kid either, it's too much responsibility at a young age. Well so here is what we do- Accept them for how they are, family and all. Or- move on and find someone we are more compatible with family-wise. It's really as simple as that. Feel free to email me anytime since I am going through some of the same stuff. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Especially when children are involved. It sounds like this isn't the guy for you! There is nothing wrong with you wanting to party and enjoy life while you are young, but this guy has responsibilities that he takes seriously...and well he should!
As for his family...he most likely will not choose you over them...so, I suggest you find someone who is more available to you. You want to love this guy on your terms...that's not possible!
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (10 March 2009):
 You need speak with your bf. Voice all your concerns to him. He can talk to his family, they don't have to like you but they shouldn't be rude. As for the time he is spending with his son, that's good, that says a lot about him. Don't be selfish but just let him know you would like to spend more time with him - and you would like for him to make more time 4 you. If that doesn't work, you might have to walk away coz family and his child are not going away.
Communication is everything in every relationship.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): You cant have him all to yourself. Plain and simple. People have other people in their lives. And if you cant embrace the fact that he has a son you should just move on.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Baggage dosnt go away, and no one should be with another with the idea that they will change, or their lives will change because they are with them. You understand, right? It is one thing to express that you are having a hard time with the family because they cast negetive vibes your way on a regular basis, it's a whole other thing when you expect the people in his life to disappear because he is with you, and you don't approve of them. PLEASE don't ever try to get in the way of his relationship to his son. Would you be okay with your child's father not connecting with your son because he is in a relationship? Being a single parent is hard, but he has accepted his responsability, and you are lucky to even be involved with a man that is capable of being a good father. Don't try to change that. If you absolutely cannot handle his "baggage", leave him alone, but don't try to pull him away from it.
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