A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 years old..I have always loved kids,I see them around I make it a point to go to them,play with them..I would do anything to have one..and I used to always tell my friends that I would want to adopt a baby..Now fast forward to my current situation..my fiance wants to get married I do too but I don't want to give birth,I'm ok with adopting a baby,or a surrogate mother but I really don't think I want to give birth I'm not ready for it..Why is this happening to me,I love kids,I want to have one,but I'm not ready to go through that birth process..I'm going to tell my fiance soon that I'm not ready to carry his baby in the future but whyy?I don't know please help..I'm just terrified at the pain of deleivery,I know all of you will tell its just 5 mins for joy of a lifetime..but I can't do it,its like a phobia..what do I do to get over this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): You can request a c-section or epidural. Im expecting my first and feeling anxious but wat u need to remember is that ur body is made to do it and if millions of women do it over and over its prob not as terrible as your imagining, thoug im not doubting the pain. Talk it through with ur fiance and dr good luck xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoken to my fiance and he says until I'm ready to have a baby he will wait,I told him I don't even know if I would be read ever he says he'l wait and I will come around..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I think you really need to discuss this with your boyfriend. This is something you should have spoken to him about before you got engaged. Maybe he also wants to adopt, and then there will be no problems.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (26 August 2012):
I agree with person12345 and honeypie. It sounds like you may have a phoebia. Im 23 also i have 2 kids 2yrs and 15mos and we are planning a 3rd in a few yrs. Honestly giving birth is not that bad. It hurts yes but its not the worst pain. I had natural labors no pain medication no epidural. I have had worse pain than labor. I think that if you want to get over your fear go to a therapist that specializes in phoebias. But if you still dont want to go through labor then adoption is wonderful. There are so many children in foster care that need homes. We are planning on adopting too. But you should try to get over your phoebia for yourself. No one should have to be so scared of something. Do it for yourself even if you dont want to go through labor. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I would say that if you haven't even discussed getting pregnant and you're already thinking about it, it could be a phobia. You are making large life decisions based on this. Do you think about it frequently? Does it invade your thoughts when nothing about pregnancy is being discussed? If yes, it is probably time to head over to a psychologist who specializes in phobias to discuss coping mechanisms/strategies. Marriage isn't an automatic time for pregnancy. Most people are scared of childbirth to some extent, but it doesn't generally hold them back from actually going through it, so definitely look into counseling.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2012):
 It's not just 5 minutes of pain and a lifetime of joy.I feared it too and swore after my first child that I would NOT have any more, yet here I am with 3 children and no regrets.If think you are just not ready for it. You probably heard a lot of "horror stories" as well.However, you need to been 100% FRANK with your fiancee. Maybe you not wanting his children is a deal-breaker.And I would consider talking to someone if you think this is more of a phobia then just fear. Fear of childbirth is rather rational in my book. The thing is, if we let fear hold us back from everything scary, we stagnate.Also, there are plenty of children in need of good parents, so adopting is a wonderful idea. I still say you need to work on that fear thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): An epidural and a pitocin IV drip is the only way to go. I felt nothing. I have had three kids and no pain.I hope this gives you something to consider. Having children is the most amazing thing in the world.
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