A
female
age
30-35,
*ost annd Never found
writes:okay i'm 19 and i married a 30 year old.(yea i know i'm crazy). but as a child i was sexually abused for 10 years strait and now i can't go a day with out getting off at least once. now here is the problem my husband has literally told me that he hates "IT". we have tried to talk about it and work it out but nothing works. I try to get him to at lest play with me down there for at least 3 mins. but he won't do even that. I have even got to the point where i have asked him if i could go find someone to have a 1 night stand with and he said no. so i told him what do i just have to be here and suffer. he says yes b-cuz deprivation is good for me. i jus don't know what to do any more! plez some one HELP!!!!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): Hold on a sec: You don't want him. You want sex because you were abused and you had it daily then? If I was with someone for whom sex meant using me to get off, I'd have a problem too. From what you say about him - "he says yes b-cuz deprivation is good for me". And he's trying to wean you off. I think he is right. YOu need to deal with your abuse so you don't turn your need into a monster. When you make love, make love. When you need to get off, masturbate. Maybe it'll turn out that he does have a problem. But so far, you are the one that sounds like the one with a problem. Abused people seek validation through sex. And he senses that. So you need to sort your head. Be glad that you are with someone who's allowing you space to do that.
A
female
reader, Lost annd Never found +, writes (28 February 2010):
Lost annd Never found is verified as being by the original poster of the question some say leave him some want his side here is my answer. to those who say leave him i can't for the fact that i moved over 700 miles just to b with him and i can't go home to Texas b cuz of my job. its not that i can't get a transfer its that i don't make enough. and for those who want his side here it is. he says that he doesn't want to do it cuz he is depressed i can understand that when his depression had just started that he wouldn't want it that i can understand cuz his dad had just passed away but that was june of 09'. now i have done what he wanted first he wanted me to get a job, i did that and he still wont. then he said we would do it 2 times a week just to try and ween me off of it still nutin. i have to do it when he is asleep but then i end up crying b cuz afterwords i feel like the guy that did it to me. doing it when i was asleep. now i don't know what i am to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): He hates Information Technology? I know its not exactly the most interesting field of study, but still...Seriously. No man alive hates sex. The only way a man hates sex if he does not find the person he is with sexually attractive.Put Alison Lohmann in 'Where The Turth Lies' in his bed and he'll be shagging for all he's worth.I just think he's being a bit of a selfish prick. Do you have any idea the sheer amount of decent men out there that would genocide entire races and species just get a woman who wanted sex at least once a day?99.9 percent of the male population, thats who.
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A
female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (26 February 2010):
Actually, needing "IT" once a day is very normal. I know I do. End it and move on.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (26 February 2010):
I assume there are no kids well since there is no sex. Hell girl dump him and move on. Being married and no kids. Ending this is no different than just being in a long term relationship. Go out with a guy that wants to have as much sex as you want to have
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 This doesn't seem like it will work out at all. It will probably only get worse. He seems either uninterested in you sexually, or he just as a low sex drive. If you two have mismatched sex drives it will only create more problems in the future.
I hate to sound so pessimistic, but unless these sexual issues can be worked out, breaking up seems like the best option. I know I personally couldn't stay in a long term relationship where our sex life was constantly unsatisfactory.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): I'm sorry to be blunt but it sounds like he is a real jerk! I think he needs to be reminded that you are in fact younger than him and your sexual needs should be met properly. Just because he is 30 it shouldn't give him the right to decide when and how sex should be had. It sounds like he isn't even thinking about you or your feelings and probably won't unless you both have a talk. If that fails, I suggest moving on.
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