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I love him soo much but should I let him go... and did I push him away?

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Question - (7 November 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 16 November 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey,

So I have been with the same guy for three years we started going out my sophomore year of high shcool an he was a senior. It was perfect he was the best boyfriedn and we always had fun together like we hung out all the time and surprisingly never got tired of each other. There was one incident that happened three months into our relaitonship and tat was where he got really drunk at a party an he somhow ended up wit another girl but he said nothing happened an ever since then he made it clear to me i was the one for him an he wasnt going to go to any parties unlesss i was there. So it went nice i was a little sketchy on everythin but he was such a great boyfriedn after that then once i entered college it kinda all changed. So he works at the school in the food court and well at first it was fine but he kinda would not want to hug me or hold my hand or even do a little peck when i would see him it was like really werid so i gave him a bad time a little but it wasnt bad. And also (this is my bad) but i would get really jealous whenever he would go out wit his coworkers an i would kinda jus be all like why didnt u text me blah blah ya i no my bad. So we were fine an then midway throught the semester he started acting super werid and stopped calling an texting an i found out he had feelings for another girl. So we broke up an he kept telllin me he isnt done wit me yet but i was heart broken, shattered. So he took this girl out as "friedns" but i dunno do u buy a friedn a movie? i wouldnt buy a person of the opposite sex a movie ticket unless i was interested in him. But anyways so he started calling me and texting me all time and tellin me i want u back blah blah blah, so we talked (this is like a month later) an well got back together and it was nice in the beginning becasue for some reason she stopped talkin to him an he said he wanted nothin to do wit her. So it was nice but i alwasy had tat stupid feeling like he goin to do it again mainly becaus of the first time an then this added, i think he spoiled me wit how he always hung out wit me an only did things if i was going tat i was spoiled an then when he did wanna go out i would get kinda get a little mad (not if it was guys i didnt care only if other girls there). So ya we were fine until i started having my friends tell me hey i saw your boyfrind an tat girl gettin luch today at school an i was mad cuz one he didnt tell me two i told me many times i dont like him talkin to her and ever since we got back togethe at first he did things i liked but now he wont do anythin but sit an watch movies he said he not motivated an he says it might be becasue he says he feels i make it so he cant talk to anyone, but it only her i swear he says he will talk to any girl he wants. So well we had a talk an decided that it would be good to hav a break an we going to meet up on wed an hangout as friedns. Should i cuz should i try an move on i love him so much but to tell u the truth i miss the old boyfrien the one that comforted me when i cried or the one who when i talked to him on the phone he actually talked instead of one word answers.. i am at a loss i love him soo much but should i let him go did i push him away??

View related questions: a break, broke up, co-worker, drunk, got back together, jealous, move on, text

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A female reader, Another_Kapiti New Zealand +, writes (16 November 2009):

Another_Kapiti agony auntThis is going to sound a bit harsh but I'm not saying it to be mean, more like a reality check...=)

Your jealousy was probably a contributing factor in the breakup, telling someone who they can and can't talk to for fear of recriminations screams of possessiveness and is not pleasant for the one of the receiving end.

You say he worked/works at the food court at your university? He's going to interact with lots of different people doing that sort of job, guys and girls. Even if we're in a happy and committed relationship, random flirting is something we all do (usually to make the other person smile or laugh, or just to establish a connection) not necessarily to 'cheat' on our partner.

You need to take a step back and re-evaluate your feelings for him without jealousy leaping to the fore and making you say something you'll regret later.

Maybe sit down with him and apologise for 'going off the deep end' because he was 'seen' with 'that girl', who knows what the real reason was that he was eating with her or something, maybe they're friends and you're reading way too much into it?

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