A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i have been in a relationship for almost 4 years and we have been through a lot together we were living together for the most of the time we have been together and i had moved out after constant arguing as it was swinging me in and out of depression,i love my partner so much but i know the emotional abuse is unaceptable and the mind games i am now house hunting again 6 months later after moving out and he refuses to visit me until i find another place and also refuses me going back to the origional home we once shared,its been now 2 weeks we havent seen each other and he tells me he misses me so much yet he cant come to visit or even let me visit him,in our relationship i have always been the one trying and he has faced up and admitted to me that he doesnt need to change one bit, he is 18 years older than me and i feel like he treats me like a child not a partner,i want out but i dont know how to go about it without running back please help me,i love this guy but i just want to forget i have met him :(what do i do?
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female
reader, jSPRINGER  +, writes (29 May 2010):
I can relate completely. I was 19 when I started seeing a man who was 22 years older than me. We were together for 5+ years. I know how I felt. At first everything about the man was facinating & mysterious. He was charming, sure of himself & he adored me. Of course I worried if people would accept the age difference & it took some getting use to myself. And for a minute it was great. He hadn't started to putting me down or isolating me yet. showing me a life I would have never known with a younger guy. I thought things were perfect. But then we snapped out of it. It felt like a fog lifted & now we could see the potential for disaster in this relationship. I started tripping I was too immature for him. Wondering if all of those "woman" (not girls) he's friends with give him shit for being with me. And he suddently stared seeing me less of a person and more of a possession. all the while, having nothing in common. He treated me like an rare & exspensive car part. Something he may never use but he'll be damned if he's gonna get rid of it. And that led to the constant fighting. And then I got to thinking about how many years had gone by, spent fighting with him, for him or about him. I didn't go to college because "I didn't have time", "I didn't need to, I was taken care of". I relied completely on him for everything. 3 years into it I still felt like a child. I had to ask permission to go to the store. He dangled promises of freedom above my head, never following through. He'd throw me out, make his friends load up my stuff & then want me back. He'd intentionally make me feel bad about myself & then call me immature or crazy if I call him on it. I wondered if I was actually crazy for years.
Now this could have been happily ever after if it weren't for the fact this man was sick, twisted & abusive as hell. It's so rare to find two people with such age difference who do actually relate well enough to have a healthy relationship. It hardly ever happens. I was young so I didn't see that this man wasn't looking for a meaningful relationship- otherwise he would have chosen someone not so vulnerable & niave as me baxk then. I should have also noticed how he was slowly chipping away at my confidence, self esteem & social circles & support systems. How he loaded me up with all these duties & responsiblities which became the chain from the house to my ankle. If any of this sounds familiar then just leave. I knows it sounds impossible. because "he's all you've really known" & he has such control over you. I know I was also afraid to leave him because I knew he wouldn't really miss me. So I just didn't want to be sitting around at my moms crying over him while he's at the bar flirting with woman. But if you feel like you're nothing without him or even just less without him- leave. He's a middle aged man playing games with a innocent little girl. Not literally but generally speaking thats whats going on. He's a predator & your his victim. Leave. Find a man closer in age. One you can share life with. Not just reminis & wonder what it was like and then basicly be alone for your life's major momments because he's past that & not interested in doing them twice. He'll just grow more & more possessive, fearing he's too old or that some young man will take you away so he'll hide you away. Or he'll will grow tired of YOU & your "bubblegum-ness" & take up with a more mature woman & kick you to the curb with out even waitressing skills. He has & will keep you from fullly being you or ever being happy. I would just cheat on him & make him dump you if you can't leave. No! I'm kidding. You say he's been M.I.A. for 2 weeks, then quit sitting around & enroll in school!!! Apply for jobs. Meet new people. ENROLL IN School!!! School!!! Tons of cute guys, cool chicks & something to distract you & re-teach you how to relate with your own generation. Good luck. sorry for my lengthiness. Just remember he might be a good guy but too big a gap never works.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 You need to take control of your own life and you do not need to depend on anyone for your happiness.
Focus on what are your priorities in life and go towards that direction.
You may have to demonize him and focus on all his weak and negative points . This will make you reject him and you will feel repulsed by his character.
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A
male
reader, Felix Francis  +, writes (27 May 2010):
Dear,
Eventhough your worries seems to be complicated now it is in the fading shape, you are the answer for your question, do this test, make two column you and him, when ever you think that you are missing him write it down and imagine what he will write, do not call him but expect he will call you, when you are emotional write it down and think how he will react when you were in front of him, write it down. But do not call him, make any attempt to see him or any sort of that for just 2 weeks - see the difference.
felix
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