A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know it´s quite long but please take time to read my post.For the past few days (weeks) my boyfriend has been acting weird , cold and doesn´t talk to me as often (right now doesn´t talk to me at all or approach me ,speaks to me only when I´m the one to approach him. I´ve been reading some post around here about giving him space cos that´s what I thought he wants but after a few days he didn´t seem bothered about me not texting him or ignoring him so I decided to ask him why he´s acting different he said that was just he´s ´´natural self´´ and that he hated it when he has to repeat everything he says to me. It feels like I don´t know him anymore he wasn´t like that when he was courting me or when our relationship was at it´s start he was sweet and gentle to me and doesn´t ignore me. he is quitting he´s job, leaving me behind (we´re officemates) for financial reasons he wants a better a more stable position which I tottaly understand. Next week is his last week and still I am still the one who is always trying to contact him and he doesn´t reply because he doesn´t have any money to load up he´s phone he says so I´m the one who has to call him and sometimes give him some load (which tottaly makes me look like a desperate loser but I don´t really care cos I really miss him and I want to speak with him. But even if sometimes when he has load he doesn´t seem to want to communicate with me and everytime I approach him at work he seems irritable and doesn´t want me near him but I don´t care I just stay close to him because I really want to know why he´s acting that way and if it´s because of another girl I want that girl to see that he´s with me , but he just shuts as if I´m not even there. Yesterday I called him and ask if he still wants to continue our relationship because it really feels like he doesn´t care for me at all anymore he got mad and said it was he´s ´natural self ´ and it´s normal for him to act like that I told him he wasn´t like that before and that he is only like that when I´m the one talking to him that he seems jolly only when he´s with other officemates,he didn´t answer just really mad at me as if I´ve done something wrong. Bottomline is I don´t know what to do, I don´t wanna break it off because he might just be having a problem with something or something is bothering him that he just doesn´t wanna talk to me about, that maybe I´m just being selfish and doesn´t respect he´s space( how much space does he want, I´m not clingy I let him do anything he wants, go anywhere he wants to go and be with he´s friends) but on the other hand what if he just doesn´t love me anymore and wants to break up but he just can´t tell me directly because he doesn´t want to hurt me or want the other officemates to know that he broke up with me for no reason. that was the 2nd time I asked him if he doesn´t want me anymore and he always say he wants to continue with our relationship but the problem is he doesn´t really show it unlike before he was the one to approach me and always concern about me but now it just feels like he doesn´t care for me at all and treats me badly and is always ignoring me and wouldn´t communicate. Yesterday I texted him that I wish he could prove to me that he is still serious about ´´us´´ but there was no reply up till now maybe he doesn´t have any load. I love him so much but I just can´t take it anymore, if he doesn´t want me anymore I wish he´d tell it to my face than keep me hanging like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for responding and understanding.Yes I still do love him although it is quite sad that he might be thinking or decided for himself that I don´t deserve him that he deserves someone else better tears my heart to pieces. but he is free to go if he wants to. i won´t beg for him to stay but it just really feels unfair if it´s going to end that way. what did I do wrong God knows how much I love him but from what I´ve been hearing Love is the same thing that might be pushing him away that he might be seeing me as someone needy. i can´t take it he is keeping me waiting hanging with anticipation. I just wish he´d tell me what he really wants and end it if that´s what he wants. embarrassing but this is really self degrading to the point where I would sometimes do self pity and blame myself for being ugly and tell myself that is the reason he doesn´t want me anymore.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for responding and understanding.
Yes I still do love him although it is quite sad that he might be thinking or decided for himself that I don´t deserve him that he deserves someone else better tears my heart to pieces. but he is free to go if he wants to. i won´t beg for him to stay but it just really feels unfair if it´s going to end that way. what did I do wrong God knows how much I love him but from what I´ve been hearing Love is the same thing that might be pushing him away that he might be seeing me as someone needy. i can´t take it he is keeping me waiting hanging with anticipation. I just wish he´d tell me what he really wants and end it if that´s what he wants. embarrassing but this is really self degrading to the point where I would sometimes do self pity and blame myself for being ugly and tell myself that is the reason he doesn´t want me anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): -sigh-
1. He could be going through something, and may be having a hard time telling you about it. I guess since you're his gurlfriend its different. I bet when he's with his guys he just hangs out and they just joke around and make him act stupid (you know guys stuff in a good way).
2. He may have gotten... bored... of you. Sadly, some guys end up that way (the same goes for gurls & everyone in between). Or in some cases he is mad at you or irritated at you for something. Sometimes it isn't you though, and could be someone or something else. And he may have a hard time trying to tell you that its not working.
3. ... he is cheating on you (since you are bf & gf) and he doesn't know how to get rid of you. So he plays the 'cool/neutral' guy and acts like he's always been like this (never return calls or texts or even WANTS to make things work out?). Some guys think of this as a way to get rid of a gurl and at the same time be able to keep their good reputation as a boyfriend by letting the gurl be the one to break it off.
I admire you. You hang in there even when you're dead struggling. You just follow your heart and close off everything else and no matter how bad he ignores you and shuts you out you "just want to be by him"... because you care about him. But his actions are causing you to lose patience, grow tired and weak. And yet... he doesn't even want to give a bit of his time and be there for you. I honestly don't know which one of the three is affecting him (and theres probably more), and you've already taken the route of telling him your feelings and asking him whats wrong, as well as giving him his space.
All i can say is if you still feel that he truly cares about you, and that you still feel the same to him... then continue with what you're doing. Keep being there for him. Call/text him. Ask him if he wants to go hang out or go see a movie or eat out. You know, do stuff he likes to do. If he can take time to do these stuff with his guy friends, he can certainly make time for you.
If anything else... leave him. The sad truth is he may have gotten tired of you or found someone else. Even though his words say differently, his actions say it. Leave him. Tell him why (and you KNOW why its not working or how hard it is). I dont really believe in 'love' quotes... but this one fits you well.
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosen't, then it was never meant to be."
Make choices and don't regret. You have a strong heart. Stay strong, and i hope things go for the better.
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