A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so lost and hurting so bad.. My husband and I have been together 18 years we have two boys one is 14 and the other is 4. When my oldest was little I cheated on my husband 3 different times which I know I was wrong, god knows I do, I wish I could take it back but I cant, I have begged, pleaded for his forgiveness. we got back together and I changed I'm quieter now and was faithful to him, I dont even hardly talk to other men and so our life went on but every time we would get into an argument he would throw the past up at me. I havent cheated in ten years I have been faithful.. but he would throw up the past at me then I would get mad and angry and say things to hurt him.. and right when I thought things were not perfect but good between us in the past couple years I finally find out that he started talking to his ex from high school, he was talking to her about our personal problems but I got over it when he said they were just friends. He finally just tells me first that he wants a divorce and then secondly he then tells me he wants a seperation he thinks it would do us both some good and for me not to take it the wrong way, he loves me but he is not in love with me and can I live with that, he says a part of him wants to have an affair, that he is so confused he does not know what he wants.. I have tried so hard lately by cleaning and keeping the house clean for him I try to give him space like he wants, he tells me that we can have sex but not for me to take it the wrong way, it is just sex, there is no feeling behind it.. He says he thinks that a seperation would do us some good I love him so much... and I am in love with him, heart and soul! I want to spend the rest of my life with him and this is killing me feeling like this. What he says that he does love me but he doesnt know what he wants, his mom thinks he is going through a midlife crisis because he is 40 and I'm 37, I start asking myself questions like does someone else have his heart? I believe that you can fall in love again but am i right or am I wrong, this hurts so bad we have been together since I was 18, I lived with him finished high school and then we got married... I dont want to lose him because I love him so much and this hurts so bad please help me I dont want anyone but him..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Dear Lady,
In this world, your deeds make your present and future. Unfortunately there is no way that you can escape the result of your KARMA ( your Actions or your reactions, both are your KARMA ). So there is nothing much you can do here. Trust takes years to build and a moment to loose. Once you loose it, it can never be recovered to same level.
YOur hubby is hurt so it will take time. keep trying. He seems to be a gentlemen. He will forgive you with time.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 When you love someone a lot , you have a sense of powerlessness. You cannot do anything when your love wants to leave you .
You would gladly do anything for him to stay but sadly , he has decided that he wants to leave no matter what.
You have to accept the reality that your spouse may not love you with the same intensity as you do for him.
The more you want him to stay , the more you will appear clingy or needy to him and the more he is convinced that he must walk away from you.
You need to let him go and give him the space to think about his future. Forcing him to stay with you is not the answer.Don't cling on to him.
He needs to be away from you because he may think that he does not need you anymore but in reality , it is he who needs you more than you need him.
Many men commit that mistake . You are his caregiver and without you , he will be quite lost.
If you love him, you need to let him go and if he comes back, then he is yours.
It is destiny whether he will come back or not.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 You can't make someone love you or want to be with you. Go through with the separation. I personally think he's involved with someone else and just wants to see where it will go with her before he makes his move. If I'm wrong, he may be willing to try the marriage again after he's had some time to clear his head. Don't expect miracles overnight but don't count on him coming back home either. It may be his way of breaking out of the marriage gradually so be prepared for anything.
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