A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I met a man back last May online. We chatted a lot and found we had lots in common, conversation flowed easily and he made me laugh. After 2 months of chatting he asked if I'd like to meet up, to which I agreed. We live 20 miles apart but both drive. I didn't fancy meeting for drinks so we both agreed we would meet just to chat and see if we got on in person as well as online. It went really well. We both liked each other and met up several times after that. We are now in a relationship. I love the bones of him but I'm getting annoyed by his behaviour. He very rarely wants to see me and he rarely texts me. I work 9-5 and he works 2pm-10pm. I understand its difficult for us to see each other during weekdays as we both work different shifts but it seems he never wants to communicate with me. Sometimes he goes 2 days without talking to me. I feel so lonely. All I want to do is talk to him and find out how his day has been. When we do meet, usually every other weekend, we go to hotels. I'm so grateful and happy to be spending time with him that I never mention how I feel when we are apart as I don't want to ruin the moment. I feel I should mention that he has a drug problem with cannabis and cocaine. He uses cannabis on a daily basis and cocaine on weekends. I wasn't aware of this when I first met him. When he finally told me about it I thought I could live with it but I can't. I'm not too bothered about the cannabis but as for the cocaine it's a huge deal breaker. I have tried to talk to him about it and he tells me not to nag him and that he wants to give it up. He says that but he's doing it again the following weekend. We've been an item for around 8 months and I am in love with him. I've told him I love him but he says he doesn't love me. This morning I text him at 10am. It's now 7pm and I still haven't heard from him. My best friend questions why I love him but I love how I feel when I'm with him. He makes me laugh and we have fun together. He is on my mind constantly but I feel like I'm not good enough for him. Sometimes he tells me about different celebrities that he fancies and then I feel terrible about myself because I am overweight. I cry a lot of the time because I miss him when we are not together and I just feel so lonely. I love him so much I would do anything for him and I just want him to love me. We are both 28. I've been in love before but not like this. I know people are going to tell me to leave him and I've thought about it but I can't. Please help me
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 honestly you say it is a deal breaker for you so leave. He is not going to give up his drug habit and he is always going to put it before you and take you for granted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): This is a no-brainer. The man has a drug problem and he says he doesn't love you. He has stopped calling to emphasize the fact that he's not that into you. He hurts your feelings.
You can't force someone to love you, if they don't.
Easy remedy. Dump him, before he dumps you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): Hi. Reading your post makes me terribly sad. You have written that you know people are going to say leave him, and yes, I'm afraid everyone will say this, because this isn't really a good relationship- it's a terrible one.It isn't want you want and it is making you miserable, anxious and self doubting and loathing... and for what? For scraps that you are hoping will give you a 'fix' for a short while. This man will never respond in the way you need. I was in a relationship for two years where I felt lonely all the time. I looked for scraps of evidence he cared, the odd nice text or comment, then I pinned everything onto its meaning and it made it all better... only it didn't of course. Because there's no consistency, and it soon becomes clear you aren't a priority and they don't love you as you need and deserve.Stay if you want, but this is your logic you do- it won't get better... it can get worse though. You are crying a lot and you are agonising over him because this relationship is making you so utterly miserable!!!At least be that honest in your choice to stay with him please....
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