A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedAsHell
writes:My boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, and I were in a relationship for 4 years until we recently broke up about a week ago. Just a year ago our relationship turned long-distance when he moved six states away. I had no money to move with him so I had to stay put. He had his family helping him and I was supposed to come a couple of months later. I ended up getting 2 really good jobs here, so i was constantly trying to adjust the move date so i would be financially stable when i left. I made plans to go see him but we had a fight a week before i left. I got mad and told him i wasnt coming out of anger and he didnt any effort to resolve the issue. I finally broke down and call him the day before the trip to make sure he still wanted me to come and he did. I don't understand why he didnt call. It's line he didnt even care. So, I took the trip to see him anyway and IT WAS TERRIBLE! We fought the whole time, i stayed stuck in the hotel room depressed bc i felt like shit the whole time i was there. He just didn't seem the same and it hurt. He was very cold to me and i didn't understand. On the last day he was very loving and wanted everything to be better. I agreed. When i got back, I started working hard and making a decent amount of money so i could hopefully still move. I started having a really rough living situation in our hometown and I was constantly reaching out to him for help. I'm thinking, since he's my man it shouldn't be that big of a deal for me to call and complain and express my feelings and problems, but he would always be working or occupied at that moment so our conversations would be brief. So one day I called him and express that I didn't like my life. I was very depressed at the time and I didn't wanna live any more. he says that my tears were fake and that I was childish and that if there was nothing here for me in our hometown, why not move with him? My only issue is I have two good job here and I found that I would have to be dependent upon him and his family if i didn't know anybody or have my own, that's why i wouldn't move. And he was basically like, i need to call down, he wants to be with me and that he loves me but if I'm not with him then he cant help me. he then hung up on me and told me not to call anymore. I was so sad. I really wanted to die. Why would he just randomly do me like that? Im really hurt and confused. I called and txted him 2 days after with no reply. Im now on day 7 or 8 of no contact.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 I think you need to end things. You are emotionally blackmailing him and that is cruel. Believe me you don't want to be attention seeking because he will lose all respect he has for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2017): I would say that you two have been growing apart for about a year now!You talked about changes but you didnt want to take the step to rely on him so you stayed put which he thought was a form of rejection, or he was ok with it because he thought it would be easier to move on alone!He seems to have arranged things to his liking and says things to you that make you feel coupled although his life has taken a new direction.However you have realised that this relationship isnt working on an up close and personal basis and you have become more depressed.I think you need to consciously uncouple as the relationship is in murky waters.You should be skipping in the white sands and azure beaches of happiness so as you have come to a deadend get saving because you are going to need a holiday.Have you any friends left to plan one with?Someone in your circle would share a room with you as you try to regain your independance!If a holiday leaves you weepy then seek counselling.Personally I think you knew this relationship was deadending itself but you wanted to be the one to tell him it was over!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): Don't be so melodramatic. Tears, whining, and complaining get only so much empathy; and nobody likes to be the only guest at a private pity-party.
You're going back and forth about moving; and he's gotten sort of tired of it.
He has decided to let you go. So let him go. Keep your jobs, and stay put.
He picked up and moved six states away. Sorry,hon; but that sounds like he was doing it to get-away from you. He knew you couldn't afford it; and he really has no obligation to pay for your moving expenses. Only for you to come and end-up financially-dependent on him, until you find a job.
Then you'll get home-sick and get depressed again.
Fate took over and kept your bum exactly where you belong!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2017):
 I think you need to accept that the relationship has run its course.
You trying to manipulate him emotionally with the whole "I don't want to live anymore spiel" is honestly downright CRUEL of you. There was nothing really HE could do to fix things and you were basically telling him that EVEN if you had him in your life it wasn't enough. Or maybe THAT is how HE took it.
Men (in general) are "fixers" - they see a problem and they want to fix it. Sometimes it goes totally OVER their heads that women just want to vent and have their partner/loved one LISTEN to them. And you two seem to have pretty shoddy communication skills already so I'm not totally surprised that it ended up being JUSt too much drama for him. I don;t think it was a random act on his behalf, I think it was the proverbial STRAW that broke the camel's back.
Also, I think he realized you would rather stay put and have financial security than having to start over WITH him in a new place. Which logically makes total sense. You, however, wanted to build a little nest egg for the move, he wanted action. So again... shoddy communication.
You have 2 good jobs, which is something GOOD in your life. You have a steady income and can take care of yourself.
When people are in an LDR things can get complicated to a whole other level. When you add the shoddy (sorry to say) communication skills of the BOTH of you, it ONLY makes it harder to make it work.
Leave him be. Take some time to figure out where you see your life going WITHOUT him. Set some GOALS for yourself. One of the TOP ones should be... either seek a therapist and work on your OWN issue of depression and suicidal thoughts - the other... communication skills.
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