A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello aunts, i am still obsessed with my married boy friend who cheated on me 3 months ago. Since then i have been living in tears as i love him so much.I know he is bad, but i cannot make up my mind. He cheated on me even before and i forgave him. I know he will never be all right in that sense. Any advice please? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 I agree with the other aunts.
I say get away from this man.
He cannot be trusted its simple.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): Okay, here's my view, and its different than the others because I am going through the same thing, so I know how it feels.
I've been seeing a married man for just about a year. He chased me for 18 months before that, and we ended up together after neither of us could stand the chemistry anymore.
He was absolutley obsessed with me to the point of following me everywhere.
He told me he was in love with me after a month, and his actions really made that believable to me, however, I had noticed him watching other women as well.
We work together, and there was one woman in particular he would watch. On one or two occasions, I 'thought' I had seen him touching her as well, but chose not to blieve it because 'he was totally in love' with ME, so therefor, would never even think of it????.
In the end, he was getting us mixed up all the time, and my gut instinct told me he was also seeing her. I confronted him, and he blatantly lied and denied it.
He was so convincing that I questioned myself, decided to believe him and try to move on.
I am now in a situation like yours, I love him so much that I can't let him go, I am paranoid, and I never believe a word he says.
I have asked him to stop contact three times, he won't, says he cant, because he loves me so much, I'm the love of his life!!
He needs me for the attention, love, adoration, etc. I know he loves me in his own way, but I also know he probably loves the other one too. He will also love the next one who smiles sweetly at him!!!!!!!!
I am now where you will be in few months if you do not walk away from this man.
He does not love you, if he did, he would not even be looking at another woman, he would be sat at home agonising about telling his wife about you, and then planning how to leave her!
You really have to look at what you have with him, ask yourself, is this fulfilling? happy, does he think about my feelings, can I trust him? if most of the answers are no, then you know what you need to do really.
He will do it again, and again, his poor wife, would you like that to be you if you married him?
Married people DO meet someone else and realise they have met the love of their life,(sometimes)It happens now and then, we are only human. However, it is not the same to have affairs with one after the other is it?
That is called Narcissism!!!! He does it for the self ego!!
Get away from him, he is no good, not faithful, and did not chance upon you and realise he had met the love of his life, did he????? I f he had, there would not have been a third woman!!!!!!
All the best to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 I agree with the other aunties, he isn't cheating on you - he is cheating on his wife.
I don't understand how you could even THINK he would be ... "faithful" to you when he can't even do that for his wife.
He sounds like a loser honestly, a loser who lets his "nether regions" decide his life. A man without morals or values.
I can't see what is so great about him that you are willing to play his "whore/mistress".
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Unluckily, as my grandma used to say " Who sails certain seas, catches certain kinds of fish ".
He had no scruples on cheating on his wife with you, so he had and will have even less scruples on cheating on you with another woman.
If your partner's loyalty and monogamy is a non negotiable issue for you ( not that it's a strange request ) then a married guy is your worst possible bet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): He didn't cheat on you. He cheated on his wife with you. Then he cheated on his wife with someone else.
If loyalty is important to you, don't you think it's a little unreasonable to expect it from someone who is cheating on his own wife?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): He can't be cheating on you, he is cheating with you on his wife! Did you really think he would be faithful to you when you are his 'other woman'. I know this sounds harsh, but when you are knowingly with a married man, you know that he is a cheater, so why would he be faithful to you. If you want advice, here it is, get some self-respect and leave him. You may love him and may be feeling hurt, but he will never be yours because he is already someone else's, his wife's. You are worth so much more than being the 'other woman' and you deserve someone who will be yours and only yours. Cut all contact with him, leave him and spend time with friends, get a hobby or something, but don't remain because you will just keep crying until you do!
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