A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help!!I am 23 years old and have been married for 2years. My husband is 16years older than and at first everything was rosey!He used to drink but lately it seems he has to have alchol every night, he has between 8 and 10 cans a night (is this wrong?). We currently have money problems and cant afford to pay our bills but he still seems to find money to pay for alcohol.I am really unhappy and am fed of telling him no. I love him but jsut don't want to be with him anymore.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): It maybe in your best interest to move on...it will be hard if you love him and after you leave you may feel the urge to go back. I have alcoholism runs through my family so I have seen how this disease destroys relationships first hand because, the alcohol will always come first. YES 8-10 cans of beer or liquor of any kind is too much. I think I read somewhere that a man should only have 2 severings of alcohol per say if they are going to drink and a woman should have only 1...anymore than that and you have a problem.
Your husband may love you, but he will chose his addiction over you and your family each and everytime there is a chance for him to indulge in drinking. Don't think that sex, love, being a "good" wife, accompaning him on his drinking "rides" is going to change him for the better because, it will not. He needs help only a weekly basis with AA meetings and therapy and he may need that for the rest of his life because, once again it is a disease of the mind. He probably doesn't even think he has a problem, but obviously he does.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Call your local AA office they have folks that can stear you in the right direction. Drinking can be a disease or it can be an outlet for something else. You take care of you first then get him the help he neds.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): You need to ask yourself, 'where is he getting the money from?' if you can't afford to pay the bills then the money is either coming from wages or benefits...either way, his problem is going to directly affect you! I'm currently divorcing my husband who 'miraculously' had money to spend on booze, going out, football season tickets only to find that he hadn't been paying the mortgage. This affects me because as it's a joint mortgage, the arrears have essentially blacklisted me. I cannot get loans or credit to pay off the arrears. Furthermore, I cannot get him off the mortgage until 12 months after the full total of the arrears has been settled. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you love him then it's a case of tough love and you need to put it in no uncertain terms that he either gets help for alcoholism or you're leaving. He has one of two choices!! If you knowin your heart of hearts that you've reached the point of no return, get out while you can and ensure that any joint financial dealings are severed. From a divorce point of view, you can get a free court pack and fill the forms in yourself - it's really straightforward and there's no need to pay out expensive solicitors fees. You still have to pay the court £340 to get your petition seen by a judge. I paid for an online divorce pack that cost £69... The free court pack is virtually the same! You know yourself whether you can carry on or move on - that decision has to come from you xx good luck in whichever path you choose to make (just don't stay with someone because you feel sorry for them) xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): I have been in a similar situation myself. First of all, no, 8-10 cans a night is not normal. It is dangerous to his health, so addressing this may help your relationship. I think he may have a drinking problem which is affecting his attitude towards you. Suggest he gets help for this problem. If he accepts help, work with him and support him and it may bring you closer together. Like you say, you love him, so give him a chance. Good luck x
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